thread: By who's standards is it too young?

  1. #19
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Nov 2003
    Kilmore Vic

    It never changes though. When i had my first at 19/20 yrs old, and I went anywhere with my Mum, people would talk to her about the baby and not me. She would always tell them she was the nana, but secretly it made her feel great as she was 39 when Jordan was born. It really annoyed me though.

    I am now 30 and have 4 kids and still people are shocked, I say to them get over it. I am married now, have a house and have clean kids who are fairly well behaved (they are when they are at school/kinder anyway LOL), and even if I wasn't married it wouldn't bother me. Too many people need to spend too much time worrying about things that have nothing to do with them.

    Cheers Michelle

  2. #20
    Colleen Guest

    I am 22 and my partner is 23 .

    There is no right or wrong age....well i guess some girls could be too young .. Everyone is different....

    If you are ready then go for it..... dont worry about what other people say, they are just jealous coz you have a cute lil baby lol

  3. #21
    Jackie Guest

    All good points, I guess if my 15 yo daughter came home pregnant I wouldn't be to happy, I would support her and be there for her no matter what, but would consider her to be to young.
    There are of course other girls who are probably a lot more mature than she is, and it is everyone's own choice when they want to start a family.
    I was 23 when I had my first and by the time I was 27 had 3 little rug rats.
    Well now I'm nearly 42 and going back for another, I guess my daughter might tell me I'm to old LOL

  4. #22
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2004

    Also probably has something to with whether you yourself feel/felt mature enough to be a parent at 21 (or whatever age, for that matter) would probably make a difference in whether you think another person is too young to be a parent at that age.
    I guess if you tell someone you had your first child at 18, they would probably try picturing themselves at 18 with a child and thinking that they would hvae been way too young then and not ready emotionally, financially etc. I definately dont think that being a teenager or early 20's means youre too young, because its about whether you feel mature and ready enough, not when the girls from school , work , family do/did.

    I am 20 and want to be a parent very much, and i definately think i feel ready. I have talked about this with David (my DF) and he wants to as well. He is a bit older than me (32) and doesnt say I am too young. My school friends, however, think its crazy and say that i am too young to get married, buy a home, have children and all that. I am not sure why because when I ask, they cant explain why, but i thought it might be because they havent yet done or dont want to do those things in their lives yet. The people i went to school with are all older than me but I just tell them I have been out of school for 3.5 years - i have qualifications, a well paying job, just bought a home and getting married later in the year. Out of my "group" at school i am the only one that has done all those things, and none of them before i was ready to.
    So basically, i guess its just your own perception an how you feel about it.

    Sorry, big rant there

  5. #23
    BellyBelly Member

    Dec 2004

    I am 24... Have been with my now DH for nearly 4 years and we are trying for a baby... My sister is 29 and is pg with no.4 and she had her first at 18... My best friend has 2 kids, I have plenty of other friends that have children. Honesty I do not understand where this idea came from that you have to be over 25 to start thinking about children.

    I have wanted to have a baby for years and only put it off until now because we wanted to get married first. DH and I agreed that we'd go off the pill right after the wedding. Fell right away but m/c'd at 14 weeks and now we're trying desperately again.

    I think it is more to do with mental age...

    People just don't get it. I do not think for a second that I am too young. I am married, we've bought a house... DH won't let me get anymore animals (3 dogs, 2 birds and a turtle) to fill in the gap that is yet to be filled by baby... DH is a lawyer and even though we are not rolling in it now, his career is only going up... So really...

  6. #24
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2004

    Do you know what I find frustrating? When I hear my grandmother say something like "Oh well, its probably good you havent been able to have children yet - you're still so young!" .... OK, Im 26 and DH is 29 (very almost 30)....

    I think about when she had her first baby at 19 and how many others of her generation were having children at a similar age and think "who are you to tell me Im too young!". They go on about things being different now - ok I agree, but that doesnt change your desire to have a child and your ability to be a great mum!

    Ok, got that out. Feel better now guys!



  7. #25
    BellyBelly Member

    Dec 2004

    I think much of it comes from the fact that these days we live in a society where career takes presedence over family and to many it does not seem possible that there are those out there who do want to start a family earlier.

    I myself am not a career person... never have been. Never will be. DH is the career person here. Nothing wrong with concentrating on career and having children later, but it does not suit me and evidently it does not suit many others either.

    Obviously there are those who start their career and put it on hold a bit earlier than others too... Still too young...

    I don't know. It's all stupid if you ask me. I think it is wrong that they are forcing women to go back to work once their children are over a certain age. I refuse flat out to ever put my children in daycare and what gives the government the right to put this kind of pressure on women who want to stay at home.

    I could go on about these issues for hours... It pi$$es me off to no end.
    Young mothers, single mothers, stay at home mothers... they attack everyone! Grr...

  8. #26
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Jan 2005
    2hrs from Sydney, NSW

    Oh yes, I totally agree with all of that. In my opinion, 17 or under is too young, however.

    DH & I met when we were 18yo & 17yo respectively & thought 21/22yo might have been the right time to start. This then became 26yo, but that was then pushed to 'before 30', coz I just started a new career. Got engaged few mths later (Dec 01), bought our first home July 02 (just as the market was starting to go up), married Oct 03, went off pill Nov 03, given go ahead to start Mar 04 & here we are, still trying. I turn 30 in Oct & DH turns 31 on Good Friday.

    So I really wish we had planned all of this earlier. My Gyn said that your chances of conception gradually/slowly decrease from 30yo.

    I really just wish someone had pointed this out to me when I was younger, so I say go for it when your younger.

    On the other hand though, my sister was pg at 19, is now a single mum (with a fiance), works part time & never has any money. Rent going up & she can't afford to move nor buy a house & so wishes she had saved for a house sooner.

  9. #27
    BellyBelly Member

    Dec 2004

    DH is 27 turning 28 this year and after we got married nearly everyone in his family told him to wait before having children...

    everyone on my side said 'go for it!!!'

    Thankfully DH wants to have a baby and is ignoring everyone on his side.
    It is so bad though that when I fell PG the first time he didn't want to tell them for fear of their reaction.

    They managed to make a comment on "What does this do to your plans???" thinking that it was a big accident...


  10. #28
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2004

    I dont seee how people can justify questioning your decision to procreate whlie youre "young". Its totally up to you and if its what you really want and you ahve thought about it and can cope with it, then you shoud be able to just go ahead and give it a go without everyone else telling you not to because youre too young, or you should have a career first, or buy a house, etc. Its such a personal decision, and also a really huge decision that you really need to take so many factors into consideration. I will say though, that SOME young people who have children/want to have children just shouldnt due to their lack of common sense and maturity, among other things...
    I've lways wanted to have children young for varying reasons. Oh, and i am not saying its bad to wait till mid 30's to start having children. As i said, i totally believe its 100% up to the parents/parents-to-be.

  11. #29
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2004
    WA y WA y A WAy

    i had my first child when i was 19 through fertility treatment so you could only imagine the responses i got from people we lived in a very small town where going to the local chemist for the drugs was like going to put a classified ad in the paper my now husband and i had been together for 4 years and got married when i was four months PG because the pressure from family became to much we didn't have any intention to get married straight away as we thought what did a piece of paper actually meanwhen we had been living together for 2 years, we have been married for 11years in June oh i love rubbing that fact in to those people who said it would never last , some days were tough as we didn't have a house of our own yet but we got there in the end with a lot of hard work and determination 3 years on at age 22/23 we had our second child ( also fertility treatment ) still the same small minded people to incounter but eventually everyone got over it and moved on to their next finger pointing victim but now since i have tried Ivf again when i was 29 people think i am too old go figure but like always i will not be told or intimidated to be or to act any differently then who i am as a mother my kids are happy and healthy and bottom line thats all that matters
    sorry for the epic post

  12. #30
    BellyBelly Member

    Feb 2005
    Christchurch NZ

    Wow - i have just found this thread and it has meant so much ready your messages. I am 24 and DH just turned 26. I had my whole life planned from a very young age and i was to have had two kids by the time i was 25 - first at 23. So it didn't happen - We have been married since Nov 04 but have been together for over eight years - he is the old fashioned type who wanted to be married first so i waited, and waited.

    Someone mentioned career orientated - Yeah i used to want a career but it didn't fit into what i wanted but unfortunately i have "fallen on my feet" I have THE job - I became a manager of a retail support department for the largest supermarket chain in in the South Island of NZ - great pay car travel staff etc all at age 22 (they took a gamble). i was taking over from a women of 39 who was going off to have her first baby....I think they thought that as i was 22 they had a good 17yrs out of me before i went off and did baby things. It is a great Job for people who want to have a career not someone who wants to have babies right now - stress is also another negative factor.

    There is noone near to us in age - all above 30 in the rest of the department so i have no one to turn to - peoplethat i work with have children and/or grandchildren my age!

    If i so much as mentioned babies - everyone says well your still so young...That doesn't matter i want to be as young a mother as i can be... i hope to goodness that i do not have to wait until i am in my late thirties to have children...

  13. #31
    BellyBelly Member

    Mar 2005
    Limestone Coast, SA

    HERE HERE!! What a fantastic post

  14. #32
    BellyBelly Member

    Feb 2005
    Christchurch NZ

    Was that for me widdly? Even if not - i'll take the compliment!

  15. #33
    Fee Guest

    I have been in a mothers group through the CHN in our area and all the Mums asked me how is it possible that i have been married 2 years and have a baby when I am only 18! I laughed and said- are you serious? they all looked confused- i said i am 24 next month (nov) and their jaws hit the floor!! I asked if it was coz i am immature hehehe and they said no i just look really young lucky me i say!!
    I'm sure I'm going to get this - looking young I mean.

    I won't be a young mum (I'm nearly 27) but I look about 18! I can just imagine stranger's faces when they see I'm pregnant.

  16. #34
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2004
    Back in Brisvegas :)

    The whole 'age' thing is so weird isn't it? I mean, I met my DH at 21 (he was 19), we were married just over two years later and everyone said 'you're WAY too young to think about having kids, wait a few years yet.....'.

    We just figured we had our plans and we were sticking to those no matter how anyone else thought about it. After being married in mid-2002, we decided to TTC in September 2004 with the aim of a winter 2005 baby. Took us a couple of extra months than we 'planned' but we fell pg in March this year.

    For the first few months of trying, only a few very close people to us knew that we were trying. The whole time, we're suddenly getting 'you're not getting any younger you know!' and 'where's my next grandchild'. I was like WTF? One minute we're too young and now we're over the hill by your expectations?

    Now that I'm five months pg and starting to show more visably; I have noticed that people who see me in the shops etc (and remember, I live in Logan now which is considered on the lower demographic of Brisbane!) try to check my hand for rings. Numerous people of the older generation seem to let out a breath when they notice my engagement and wedding bands on my left hand.

    Keep in mind, I'm now 26 turning 27 just before baby is born. I'm often told I look a little younger but it seems like the current attitude about pregnancy is that women should be in their 30s? God knows, I want both my children by the time I'm 30, or perhaps just a little over if we decide to go for a third child.

    My mother, much like Ambah's; had 5 children by the time she was 30 after having her 1st at 21yrs. My sister has a 2 1/2 yr old gorgeous daughter whom she had when she was 21; yet I noticed people looking at her like she was 'too young' in their minds.

    Of my little group of friends from school, I was the 2nd to get married and will be the first to have a child. Many of my friends are lawyers or in medicine so children are the last of their thoughts right now; but they know me well enough to not be suprised that we are having a child now. I always wanted to be a mother and whilst I have worked a professional job for three years post getting my university degree; the only job I've ever wanted is as a full-time Mum.

    To have a child to nuture and raise is a blessing; I just wish society could see that it is not really an 'age' issue as much as a maturity issue. I can understand why so many people in society are nervous about the number of young mothers; I myself only have to take a trip around a local shopping centre to see groups of five 16/17yr old girls standing around with prams. Where once they might have been clustered around a rack of the latest fashion; they're now clustered around prams talking about their latest child and how the father is no-hoper.

    The thing is, all of those girls could be very good mothers just as a similiar group of women in their mid-20s could be bad mothers.

  17. #35

    Nov 2004

    Im 21, i have a 2yo and a 4 month old (DS#1 was born 6w after my 19th, DS#2 2m before my 21st) I got married when i was 20 1/2. Thats all i ever wanted in life, and all i have is people telling me how stupid i am, wasting my life. Even my family does the same! Now we are thinking about trying for another in the next year or so, but lately i think my mum has caught onto that, and has been teling me that "she shoudl have stopped at one or two (she's got 6!) she wasted her life having children blah blah blah..." But this is from a woman that told my dad 2 weeks ago that she thinks that she's in love with someone else, she made a mistake marrying him, and he can have the 4 remaining children a home, she doesnt want them. I think i'll NOT take any advice from her!!! (BTW, everyone thik's she's starting menopause, but she wont do anything about it. even my doc thinks so!!!)

  18. #36
    Jackie Guest

    How can anyone even think that it is wasting your life to have children, it must be the most fulfilling experience in life. I have three and wouldn't change anything about that, they are the greatest gift there is.
    Isn't it funny how some people want to live their regrets through others??