thread: By who's standards is it too young?

  1. #37
    BellyBelly Member

    Feb 2005
    Christchurch NZ

    i know that when i do finally get to announce that i am pg at work there will be al these people muttering - you have this fantastic job what are you doing wasting such a grea oppurtunity, but like many of you mentioned i am one of those that my great ambition in life is to be a great mum...not a career woman...i hate working i hate my job - i know that i do it well cos i am intelligent person who can think...but people just don't get it...

    It makes me laugh all you ladies that look young - i unfortunately amd the oposite - i look "more mature" than my years...people freak out that i only just had my 25 birthday... oh we would never have guessed... i could probably almost get away with saying i was 35 and people would probably believe me...used to be great as a teenager but maybe not so much as i get older....

  2. #38

    Too young?

    I had my first at 21. I didn't consider myself as too young.
    My best friend had her first at 19 and coped better than I did. She turned 20 when her son was 6mths. I wouldn't say you could even classify her as a teen mum, technically perhaps but otherwise, no.

    It all depends on the person, their responsibility levels, maturity and the like.
    My mother had me (eldest) when she was 22. She was married, had a house and owned her own business by that stage.

  3. #39
    carebear Guest

    How can anyone even think that it is wasting your life to have children, it must be the most fulfilling experience in life. I have three and wouldn't change anything about that, they are the greatest gift there is.
    Isn't it funny how some people want to live their regrets through others??
    This is great that you think that having your children was the greatest experience of your life but you have to understand that not everyone thinks this way. Some people make the decision to not have children and live incredible fufilling lives. I think this way of thinking is just as bad as the things in this thread that people have been talking about.

    Having said that I feel bad for people that feel like they are being stared at for being young and pregnant. My best friend had her first when she was 20 and she felt this way. Having said that though I also think that a paranoia comes over people sometimes that makes it worse. I have been out with my friend when she was pregnant and she would comment about people staring at her and they weren't staring at her at all. Society had made her feel that she was doing soemthing wrong and so she started to imagine things that weren't there.

    I just think that young mum's need to take the attitude of "who cares what strangers think". I dont have children so i cant relate to what you are feeling but if they want to stare at you let them stare. Who gives a crap! Easier said then done I know but as long as your happy let them think what they want. It has no effect on your life what so ever what these people think. As long as you and your family and friends are happy who cares what others think about you!

    Sorry for the long post.....just got a bit carried away after reading this thread.

  4. #40
    BellyBelly Member

    Mar 2004

    I am replying without reading everyones posts so sorry if I may step on toes!

    I think our bodies may have fertile 'years' because God assumed we would be mature by this age. Sadly, (and let's be honest I know there are many good 'youths' out there but majority rules) teenagers and 'young' people are getting more selfish, reckless, violent, abusive (of other people and their own bodies with drugs etc) every day and therefore that is when we need to consider if bringing a baby into this world by those particularly reckless people is simply... sad and wrong. Therefore, it is fine to consider 'how young is too young' but lets not forget society is unfortunately 'misbehaving' younger and younger. Hope that makes sense...

  5. #41
    BellyBelly Member

    Mar 2004

    I need to add one thing to make my point clearer.

    We probably cant compare ourselves to the previous generation because they had less 'distractions' back then, and weren't as downright 'naughty' as some of the 'kids' thesedays.

    I doubt anyone that has time to post about TTC, Pregnancy and Babies on this wonderful website would fit into this 'naughty' category because if we are talking about it, we care. (just in case I have offended anyone on here - just making sure you know I am not talking about you!)

  6. #42
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Dec 2005

    Its funny how in our Grandparents day being 15, married and pregnant was the norm. But then again I guess life in those days provided a better environment for maturation than today. Didnt have alot of other opportunities either, marriage and babies was the be all end all.

    Im 21 in July and expecting my first in October. I will have been married for just under two years by then. I dont really get alot of "arent you to young, live your life first" comments anymore as we were TTC and people got over it very quickly. I also got told that it was good we were married atleast.
    I think too young is when your getting pregnant for all the wrong reasons, or your situation isnt stable enough for you to enjoy and be happy about this event. To me, and Im sorry if I offend, if you arent responsible enough to safely use birth control maybe having a child isnt the right choice. That said, I desperately couldnt wait to have babies even as a teen. I think back to those days and Im glad I was safe and waited as Im in a much better position right now to be the best Mama I can be. For me, being married and secure was important. I admire young mums who go it alone and most do a fine job. I think most people just feel that kids tend to have a diverting effect, and that young mums wont ever fulfil their dreams and have maturing experiences. Its a fair enough observation. Im so glad I had a fantastic teenage hood doing all the normal teenage things, travelled overseas and now marriage and babies is the next big thing on my list. All that and Im still considered a teenager.

    Guess what Im saying is, its up to the individual to decide how young is too young, and make responsible decisions based on that. We need more loving, decent parents who take raising decent children seriously in the world, but making the decision not to have children because you arent ready or dont want them at all is also a wise choice.

    Just want to add that I def think 17 and under is way too young. I would have disagreed when I was 17 because I thought having babies was glamourous and easy but now I look back I was definately way to immature (and people always comment about what a mature teen I was compared to others).

  7. #43
    Diesel Guest

    I had my first at 20. Both h and I look younger than what we are - at 26 I still get asked for ID.

    Yes our DD was unplanned, but I think having children young was the best decision for us. We had our next at 21. Now at 26 we have two children who are semi independant and at kinder and school.

    I have received comments about young mothers, especially from the older generation. Comments about young single mothers, who are not working and living off the government. They coped an ear-full. I didn't hesitate to correct them that I was actually 21, working full-time, just completed studying, an accountant, and purchasing my own home - oh, and still with the kids father.

    I used the receive comments almost daily especially form 60+ woman.

  8. #44
    BellyBelly Life Member

    Jul 2004
    House of the crazy cat ladies...

    Just in response to your post *Jessica*... I am not disagreeing with you entirely... but just wanted to mention that I was one of those 'naughty' 'off the rails' youth, or at least semi-naughty... and becoming pg for me was the best thing that ever happened to me, and finally gave me a reason to fix myself up, and grow up.
    And now you would never ever recognise me as the person I was in my teens (or in my case, even 20)

    Although I understand that in the majority of cases this may not apply, it is possibly for some of these 'reckless or naughty' teens to have children, and have it change them completely for the better.

  9. #45
    Life Member. Every Australian needs a Farmer.

    Dec 2005
    In Bankworld with Barbara

    I think society as a whole has made it unacceptable to have children in our teen years, but it is true that as we get older our fertility declines. I think the actual age in years is sort of irrelevant to our maturity age IYKWIM in regards to having kids. I was married at 22, baby #1 at 23 and when I have #4 I will be nearly 30 if not there already. When I have #4 I will be the 'old girl' in hospital, the one who all the young first timers will say "gee, how does she go with 4? 1 is hard enough!" I know because this is what I said when I had Lindsay and there was an older woman in who'd just had #5.

    In regards to age making better parents well I'll tell you this; When I had Lindsay, there was a girl I know who was 22 at the time and she had her little boy 1 day before Lindsay (they are now at school together). She FF that baby from day one and hardly spent any time at the hospital and was always up the street with her BF, leaving the midwives to look after that baby. When she got home she would leave her newborn son with her mother and go out partying all night doing god knows what (I know this because she was friends with my brothers GF at the time).

    Now fast forward 10 months and there is a local girl who was 17, just had her first baby and BF like she had done it a million times before and to coin a phrase 'has her head screwed on right' she is a wonderful mother and is only just 21 now. Unfortunately she is not with the baby's father anymore, but she finished school, got a fantastic job as a trainee insurance broker and is doing amazing things with her life.

    So who is to say that the age of the Mum makes them a better parent. Admittedly I don't like to see teenage girls have babies, merely because I want them to experience life a little first as a young adult without the responsibilities raising a child brings, but if that is what they want then so be it.

    Sorry for the long post, but this is how I feel about it.

  10. #46
    BellyBelly Member

    Feb 2006

    I have just turned 20 and have a 18 month old daughter Ebony and am 16 weeks pregnant with another girl!. And i feel very judged! I don't know if i feel ready anymore! I was really confident that i was ready to have another until i started getting isn't it to soon!....... Now i am a little scared that maybe i didn't make the right descision. I am sure everyone is making comments behind my back. I don't feel that people are happy for us.
    When i am out shopping with my older sister everyone assumes that Ebony is hers and asks her how old she is! Grrrr. I have to admit though i still look 17.

  11. #47
    BellyBelly Member

    Mar 2004

    Hi Ambah, I think we are 'fighting the same cause' here if you know what I mean! I do think it is possible for a baby to turn one's life around, and this is obvious in your case. But I worry when that risk is taken and it turns out 'too hard' - and I think that is too common sadly. There were sooooo many times when I thought 'this is sooooo much harder than I ever imagined' and wondered how anyone could manage without a loving, caring environment around them. To me this applies more to situation/environment rather than age. So that could get us into another discussion on 'What is the ideal situation to start a family'??!!

  12. #48
    Registered User

    Feb 2006
    Newcastle, NSW

    I had my son when i was 18, and my daughter when i was 21.
    I personally believe that age doesnt matter when it comes to having and raising children... it comes down to the individual... whether or not that person is selfish or selfless.

    Speaking from my own experience... i do believe that younger mothers can make great parents... I am a great parent of a 12 year old boy and an almost 9 year old girl. I have had a big chunk of their lives where i was their only parent... and i still did it and loved every minute.
    Yet, i have known of women, who have waited to have children til later, and they have gone on to hand the children over to the grandparents to raise, because they couldnt handle the lifestyle changes.
    AND... I have known of women in their mid 20's when they conceived their babies, who drank, did drugs etc... and again... eventually, the children were given to other family members to raise.

    Good and bad parents come in all ages, genders, races and social status.

    Sorry to make this a huge rant !!! lol


  13. #49
    2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Apr 2006
    Winter is coming

    My mum had just turned 16 when she had me. She raised me alone and I think she did a great job (even if I do say so myself ). I agree with the others that it is maturity, not age that matters.

  14. #50
    Kell Guest


    I was 23 when i had my first, and unmarried (though still with the daddy) which was a bit scandalous in our smallish community - as someone else mentioned I had the penetrating search for the wedding rings We are now married and have 6mth old (I am 26) and this situation has just been perfect for us! We have so much fun with our kids, and are looking forward to the day when they are grown and we are 'young' enough to 'get our lives back' (as if this is no life now ). My sis was 19 when she had her son, and it was considered such a waste (she 'was' so bright was the most commonly used phrase). However now that her son is 10 she has completed one uni degree in media production and has just started her medical degree - where is the waste! She has a gorgeous son, who is loved and happy, and is doing what she always wanted, medicine.

    Age can obviously afftect your fertility, but not your ability to love and cherish a child - that is determined by your character and the person you are.
    So that could get us into another discussion on 'What is the ideal situation to start a family'??!!
    I have seen children from 'money' not half as happy as children raised on virtually nothing, I think an ideal situation would be one where the parent(s) want the baby, love the baby and are happy with themselves. I feel that people who are already dissatisfied with themselves, their lives, should not use babies as a solution. You need to be happy with yourself b4 bringing another into your life...

    Sorry for the epic :shock: ..

  15. #51
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2005
    Kingaroy, QLD


    I am 22 and have 3 children under 3 and the looks I get when I go out in public are horrible! Old ladies are the worst. My DH is almost 28 but he looks about 21. I have had so much trouble making friends, I live in a very small town and the women are older and tend to not talk to me. I beleive I am mature for my age and I can't understand why I have no friends. I don't understand why people frown upon it so much when only 50 years ago it was the norm.

  16. #52
    BellyBelly Life Member

    Jul 2004
    House of the crazy cat ladies...

    Aww Steph that makes me so sad to hear that!
    I'm so sorry that people are so rude and unfriendly to you... I'm guessing your town is too small to have any mothers groups etc?...
    You sound like a really mature, thoughtful and caring young mother... and I am in awe that you have 3 under 3 - what a challenge!
    If you are ever in Qld/Brissy (sorry dont know where you live!) I would love to meet up with you, we are the same age too.
    Have you lived in your town long? I hope people open up to you soon and become more friendly...
    All the best sweetie, *hugs*

  17. #53
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2005
    Kingaroy, QLD

    Ambah, there are around 2500 people in my town and I was born here. Our family is a local family and even though we moved away to QLD (Kingaroy) we all came back later in life. I returned 2 1/2 years ago after I had married and had a bub, I missed my mum and sisters and brothers. DH and I have spoken about moving back to Kingaroy as we have a tonne of friends there who are all starting to have babies. I doubt we will though as DH has a great job here atm. I am having an ABA meeting at my house for the first time so maybe there is a friend for me from the group? I hope so. Thanks for your kind words Ambah.

  18. #54
    Registered User

    Mar 2006

    Well I'm pg with my 7th and am 31. You think you get funny looks in public, lol.
    When I was booking in to the hospital for antenatal clinic the midwife asked if this was my first pg. I said no, its my 7th. She wrote 2nd on the form. I said "no, 7th". She said "You cant possibly be old enough to have 6 kids." I walked around with an ear to ear smile for the rest of the day.