Back to square one...cycle cancelled

[Possums]

Hi ladies, like Wishes has just posted in her thread, sadly my cycle has also just been cancelled, due to no response to synarel..my hormones are just following a normal cycle, and despite an extra week on synarel (which worked for me last time) still no change. My nurse says it appears I havent yet ovulated, so DH and I will try naturally (if I ovulate, she said I might not, as the synarel had surpressed my LH levels), but we just feel so let down and disappointed...we thought after more than 5 weeks since I started the pill, that we were close to egg collection etc.. Plus I am nervous that if we do another cycle the same thing will happen (and my clinic seems to want to try the same thing again, as it worked the first time).

I am posting separately here, as I am now sliding back down into the hole I have been in since the last miscarriage. I feel like I am drowning in this limbo and have no direction, I seem to just survive each day, each week. I go to work, and I exercise etc, but there is no real spark or happiness. I am reading self help books and trying hard to be positive and find joy in simple things and to reflect etc, but it certainly isn't easy. Some days I just want to hide from the world. I know that sounds dramatic I guess sometimes I just dont want to have to make any effort to be 'up' for people at work etc. I think I picked up when we started this cycle, as I had hope again, and I felt like I was at least doing something proactive towards achieving our goal... now that it has been cancelled, I feel so frustrated and disappointed and right back at square one. I am so grateful I have this site and you ladies to talk to and share this with, because I find people IRL have no real clue what it means ...

Also, next week is when the baby from my second pregnancy would have been due. I can't help but wonder what that baby would have been like. I also have a sense of guilt that the babies have been lost all because of problems with my body (antiphospholipid syndrome and the ectopic/dodgy tubes). I know it was out of my control, but it stll gets to me.

Thanks for the place to vent and be honest about how I feel in this 'me' thread. I know many here are in /or have been in the same boat.