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Thread: Another or not?

  1. #1

    Default Another or not?

    I am really tossing up whether to have another baby or not!

    One day I say yep lets do it and then the next I say no we won't. I guess it has come to a head again this week because Emma & Jack are with their Dad and Asha is home alone and is really missing them.

    We have given ourselves until I am 35 to make a firm decision if it hasn't happened by then it won't be happening. I still want to be young enough to do all our planned travelling when the kids are grown up and able to look after themselves. Although when I am 35 Emma will be starting High school, Jack will be in year 4 and Asha will be starting Kindy. I would really want to be having another baby in the next 12 - 18 months.

    So much to think about too, there are no more bedrooms in this house so we would need to move, we would need to buy a bigger car, which I want to do anyway and I know which car I want!!! I just don't know what to do and right now that means that I am doing nothing. I have thought about coming off the pill in April and seeing what happens, it took 4 months to conceive Asha which would make it August with an EDD sometime in May 2007. Asha would be almost 3, Jack would be nearly 9 and Emma almost 12.



    I guess I just needed to put it all down so I could work it out in my head but now it is even more confusing!!

    Cheers

  2. #2
    crockerclan Guest

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    Hi,

    Good Luck with deciding whether you are going for number four. I am doing the same with number 6. I will probably go for number 6 in Feb 07 if I can sort some gyno problems out this year and if the doctor says I can.

    Michele
    Mother of Christopher, Luke, Melissa, Jayden and Ashleigh(2 months old)

  3. #3

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    I dont know what to say, except you know your own hearts and minds, I concieved #4 as a "destiny child" ( BF and on the mini pill) so never had to make a decision IYKWIM. Do what feels right for you and your family.

  4. #4

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    Kelly I know how you feel and i think it is a hard decision. I know when I came to it I thought i was being a bit selfish but then again sooner or later you do have to think of yourself. I was a 19 yr old mum, and wanted to do the travel thing when my kids were old enough. I had my 3rd when I was 28 and of course start doing the add ups and how old would I be when the kids were old enough to look after themselves?

    At the time the older kids were 8 and 3 and I had always wanted 4 but Dh was also adding time up. When the 3rd was 6 mths old I said to DH if we are going to have another lets do it bf we are 30 and he agreed, there is 19mths bt the 3rd and 4th and the 4th was 6 wks when I turned 30. Of course being so maternal I started thinking of a 5th when the 4th started walking, but I have finally come to the decision along with my Dh that for us the time to stop is now even though we had a spare room and a spare seat in the car. I guess I realise that I LOVE my kids and have lots more time to spend with them to help them grow up and that I will be able to do that and do some tralling too if I stop now.

    So saying I can see how poor Asha would feel and I can tell you that having Jemma and Jess so close together is gorgeous. The other two are at school and so Jema dn Jess have each other. It isn't an easy decision but I think you need to look at it from different perspectives to help you decide. How will you feel if you don't have another? WIll you regret it? Is it something you have thought you have wanted to do for awhile or was it just a flash of a thought. Do you think you will regret not having another? Most times you don't regret having a child but you can regret not having one IYKWIM! The impact of the house and car is obviously there, is it something you can financially do or is it too hard? Do you really have to move? Could the 2 littlies share? When were you hoping to travel, how old would the kids be then?

    I drove myself nuts for about a week and then I got a paper and pen and wrote a list of pros and cons and made my decision. I am happy now to say no more for me. I can have a room for my office, I too am a teacher and really felt I needed somewhere I could do my things without the kids interferring with my papers and we have a spare spot in the car for FRIENDS LOL

    Good luck with your decision, I hope it all works out for you guys
    Cheers michelle

  5. #5

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    I have said since baby no. 4 "this will be my last pregnancy - better enjoy it!" Here we go with no.7 and I cant honestly say that this will definitely be my last. The only thing that really gets to me is lack of support from loved ones. My relatives have all got 1 or 2 kids each and while thats fine for them, that's not enough for me.

  6. #6

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    i am going through the exact same thing at the moment,we have a car and house that is already big enough so that wont be our main prob,does the family payment go up much after a 4th child??????mine is can i mentally and physically and emotioanlly handle another child to raise,i have to admit that my newest baby who is 5 months old is bringing me sooo much joy and i look at her and think god yes i could have another,it is the older 2 boys that are the hard work,they are rather lazy and fight alot,they are also a bit spoilt so expect alot from me and do not cope very well when they dont get there own way.there is alot of running around with all there sports etc,but in saying all of this i can possibly try to bring up my baby and possible baby to be differently to make things a little easier on me,people tell me all the time i make it hard for myself with the boys by letting them be the way they are.
    my dh is open to the idea of another baby so i dont have that as a problem either.i also dont know when i would be considering another,i am 32 but would also like to be free to do the things we wont to do before i am tooo old to enjoy doing them.i think it would be really nice for chantelle to have a sibling to grow up with and play with as her 2 brothers are alot older
    nikki

  7. #7

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    You sound like us not so long ago. We had the same probs with our older two being with their birth dad leaving Olivia home alone...so after much discussion we had a vasectomy reversed and have now have our beautiful baby Sammy. We really dont notice any difference at all. I know the girls are older than yours are...Olivia (our youngest) was 63/4 when Sammy was born but we have found that it has evened up our lives enormously. We already had the bigger car and Olivia and Emily were already sharing a room so we didnt really have too many probs adjusting to 4 instead of 3. Now we can say..ok you two big two...you middle two....you little two lol..which is kinda silly its just a bit more evened up. Goodluck with whatever you decide!

    Jo

  8. #8
    angelfish Guest

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    Hey Vanita, I love your term "destiny child" - much more positive sounding than "surprise" (or, worse, "accident"!).

    Why is it nearly always such a tough decision, whether you're on baby #1 or #10? <SIGH>I always thought that deciding to have children at all, and when to start, was the hard part, then deciding how many would be a doddle. I have wanted 3 for as long as I can remember, now we have 2 and are planning for #3 but I'm suddenly having second thoughts (and third, fourth and fifth thoughts!) We have such a wonderful family already; is it pushing our luck to try for another? Will I have a horrible pregnancy or birth? Will we get a very sick or disabled child whose extra needs will disadvantage the other two? How can we afford to build on to the house, and get a bigger car? Will the kids all get on well or will one always be picked on or left out? Is "because I've always wanted to" a sufficient reason to bring someone into the world? Will I want a 4th once we have a 3rd (dh doesn't want any more than 3)?

    I suspect it's probably best not to deliberate too long, just go with your heart / gut instinct / whatever?

  9. #9

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    This is just agonising isn't it???

    Arron said that on Friday he had a fleeting thought that we should have 1 more, but he got over it LOL. I still would love another child, but I do know I have made the right decision by deciding to stop at 4, it's the right decision for me.

    Nicole I get a parenting payment and the family payment and the family payment (I think )went up but the parenting payment didn't, or maybe it was the other way can't quite remember. I know one went up and one didn't. Great help aren't I?? LOL

    I hope you all make the decision that best suits your families, we feel so lucky to have had 4 perfectly healthy intelligent beutiful children.
    cheers michelle

  10. #10

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    I'm the same Michelle, I get a Parenting Payment, and the Family Payment. The Family payment went up but the Parenting Payment did not change. I have 5 children already and have gone back for no.6, when I told people we were having this one, we got the usual reaction ( Do you know what causes it yet?). That reaction was what I was expecting but it hurt when they say it. The only reason we have had this one is because we both love children and we wanted a big family.This one has 'evened it out' so to speak. I have 3 children from previous relationships and now dh has 3 children.
    After Bella was born, we spoke to the Doctors about having a Tubal Ligation, however they 'refused' to do it, as I was too young! I'm 30 now and have decided NOT to have any more children, not that I don't want anymore, but the reasons I have decided to do this is for medical reasons. I cannot go through the pain of seeing another child go through what my darling Bella has gone through. Patrick has got a chance of being a 'normal' baby and not spending much time under the phototherapy lights, the next baby (if there was another!) could well die.
    To have another child is a big step both emotionally and physically,not to mention financially! I might not be a millionaire, but I cope!
    This is only my situation, but my advice would be go with your heart!

  11. #11

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    The age old question..to have another baby or not???

    Well I have 4 beautiful boys and would have another in a heart beat!! Having had them all by c/s doesn't worry me , i feel fit and could cope both emotionally and physically..but DH couldn't and after 2 m/c one being a blighted ovum, he made the decision to have a vasectomy..one that i was happy with but decided that he had valid reasons and we were never going to see eye to eye...so here i am today hoping there are some swimmers left and am praying for my own destiny child and just a few weeks ago had a false alarm and DH was fine with it all...what will be will be. So we have the room and the bigger car and i feel i could keep going and have babies, but like michelle says you have to stop somewhere and say enough is enough

    My feelings will never change but over time i will just accept fate and look foreward to the grand kids and hope there is lots!! I always wanted 4 children with my husband as the eldest is from a previous marriage but DH couldn't bear the thought of something going wrong and losing me..and the last m/c just broke his heart.. so maybe this doesn't help but you just need to see if the longing is there or not and work through it together and come to a compromise.. Good Luck, it's a tough one..
    p.s I remember when i had # 4 the lage family suppliment came into frition which was a massive $ 8.00 yes that's right!!


    Jan xx

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    Oh wow Jan $8.00 - bet that helped \/ !

  13. #13

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    PMSL Jan yeah I remember that payment too, it is $16 per fortnight large family allowance, give me a break!!! As if that helps much.
    cheers mcihelle

  14. #14
    kath Guest

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    Every since i can remember i've always wanted a large family. When i was young i grew up with 3 brothers it wasnt all plain sailing but i just remember christmas day with all my family around so much going on the family bbqs bdays i loved it all there was always going to be a big turn out . My mother died when i was 9 i was never short of a shoulder to cry on my brothers where always there and are still are today. So what i am trying to say is family is every thing with out it there is not much else so if you want a large family go for it it all works out in the end. I have 3 girls kahli 11 Siaan 3 & Macayla 22months I have my bad days like every one else but the good days are far more I love being a mum i scream and yell and rant and rave like the rest and more often than not you will find me in my pjs at noon i would'nt have it any other way. Dh & I are trying for #4 last september i m/c it broke my heart and i still cry for my lost angel but i also know that i am ment for more just one [lol] you know when you are ment to stop and when to have just one more. I say go for it you'll regret if you dont

    Love and hugs
    kath

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