There is me and Hubby, 4x step kids, 1 dd, and 1 on the way
We have had two live with us for the last 21/2 years and have just recently moved out due to being *too strict* and moved back in with there mum....while i am happy about that in a way...i am also worried because we have no control now and SS has already been suspended from school under her care...She lets them do what they want but doesnt look after them in other ways and loops out all the time......the ex is one lazy, irresponsible, selfish, voilent, abusive, crazy woman...(oh i have millions of stories) and im not exagerating either..she is a nightmare and abandon these two, and her other children. I have been going through this for nearly seven years now..so while i should be over the moon that they have gone back to there mums..i feel its the calm before the storm and she will probably kick all of them out this time when it gets too much for her. She makes comments like when he was making sure they wanted to stay with there mum....."oh lying is ok" what...you have just given you're kids permission to lie all the time to you.......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she makes me so angry... I have also had a mc and have been spotting with this one so i dont really need the stress...i think its actually more stressful them being there then being under our watchful eye..and now we get all the phone calls and texts....arrggg
Sorry i havent been here for awhile I have had pc problems and have returned to casual work so less time for bb
I am having issues again with teenagers but Im plodding along I find the problem here is that if I try to say things to the steps they dont seem to hear it or ignore it anyone else have this issue and then I try and talk to my dh about it and he just defends them all the time. Im really quite sick of it and find it annoying when Ive got the little one to chase after as he is getting much more mobile now (1 in a few weeks)
somedays I think I must be crazy for taking on this role .................................................. ...
I hope everyone is going well with their families and is keeping well
I have two step teenager who have just moved back in with there mum and sisters....they started pushing the boundries the last six months...everytime they would do something hubby would extend there grounding and chores.....hence why they moved back in with there mums because she lets them do what they want but she doesnt look after them in other ways....lucky for me i would just have to go to hubby and tell them what they had said or not done and he would take control of the situation most times.....and they would get punished. He was good like that.
It would be really hard when he defends them, its such a catch 22 because its different when there you're kids verses step kids........He really needs to unite front with you so they know they cant get away with it..
I know.. i have been in this relationship for nearly seven years and i do wonder how crazy i am for taking on 4 step kids...so you're not alone dont worry..its tough!!! really tough..
I have taken on 4 step kids aswell, however they don't live with us. When they have stayed for more than a few nights they are told by their Dad that it is his and my house and our rules stick, and just because there mum lets them do one thing doesn't mean it happens with us.
I am lucky as we have a good relationship between myself and them. When I first meet their dad they were 11, 13, 15, 16 and now are 16, 18, 20, 22. We have our ups and downs but overall my dh supports me with anything I say or do with them. They have learnt over time what to expext, the eldest did live with us for 4 months and was supposed to move back in with us in march this year once our new house was built but decided I was to strict and has stayed with his mum.
My Dh is on the same side as he has taken on 2 step daughters but they were 2 and 5 at the time and now are 7 and 10 and he plays a much larger role in their lives and treats them as his own and the kids no he has a right to discipline them as much as I do.
I know it helped me to sit down with my dh and talk about supporting each other in our choices with all the kids, that way we were on the same page when it came to discipline etc,
I tell you being in this step family and putting up with the ex while being pregnant is REALLY REALLY GETTING TO ME...im sure its hormones but i am also quiet fed up. Im so sick of having another women control our lives and things that happen in it. I think its more stressful having the two eldest actually living with there mum again because we have no control and she always bothers us with texts and phone calls...the kids get in trouble, are tired and stressed. She has ALREADY had the cops called on her and cp around there and they have only been there a month and a bit....and then we get all the "i cant handle it you'll end up with all of them".....arggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this lady makes me soooooooooooooooooooo mad. She has abandoned her other kids to there father, then we got hubbys 2 and 2 stayed with her....She has no morals, she is so selfish, and lazy and has no idea about raising children or what she should and shouldnt be doing...she is voilent and abusive.......i just cant handle all the stuff from her, its like i am in another relationship as well and i have a woman controlling what happens to us and controls our happiness.....i have been doing this for 7 years and when we got them the last time i was 4months pregnant and im sure it was because she didnt want us to be happy. She doesnt know i am pregnant yet so i am just waiting. There is NO WAY, we can look after all of them...not with my soon too be two, we have no room, no money and mentally i think i would loose it. It took us long enough to control the teenagers, so much work and i just cant do it all over again....i cannot raise my husbands 4 kids....its tooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much......so what would be our option....hubby move out with the kids.........i know there his kids and he needs to look after them but i wish he would understand he has this family as well and we need him and im sick of him not putting his foot down and letting her control everything and reacting to everything she says.....its like he puts her and his kids first..........and were in the back ground....he jumps to her....im pregnant and need his support and everything is always about them.....
Thanks for letting me rant.....im just emotional and angry and tired....im so tired..........i just wish they would go away
Oh Melster that sounds really tough, I completely understand we're you're coming from. Especially about the ex controlling your lives and what happens. I know in our situation it's never about the kids best interests it's always about her having control over us. I used to get so annoyed with her but now I just try to let it be water off a ducks back. There's nothing I can do, so I try not to give her my time and effort. I know that's easier said than done - especially in you situation, but hun you need to put yourself and your bub-to-be first. Have you spoken to your DH about how you feel? Often they really don't see things from our perspectives and it takes a mini breakdown for them to see they have a family here too kwim? Last time I was at breaking point I wrote my DH a letter. I found I was able to get what I wanted to across without all the emotion interfering and DH missing the point. It worked wonders, and things have been really good ever since.
Thanks claire a....i try to but he just doesnt seem to get it...i know there his kids and we protect and look after our kids..and i would if they were mine...but sometimes its hard being on the other foot....i just wish he would consider us a little more....especially after the mc and me trying to be relaxed this time....and especially after putting up with this for seven years.........i understand it must be hard for him..but he has to think of the kids WE have........but doesnt he see how much harder it is for me....and our ex is the same...its defiantly not about the kids best interests its about whats best for her...and how much pain she can inflict...if she is not happy...she will go out of her way to make ours unhappy...
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hun, I really hope things improve for you xx
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