Well.... things have been holding together (JUST). DSS is at CIT (just starting his second semester). He hasn't been the easiest person to live with and only "pulls his weight" when DH is around. The CIT course is only 2 and half days a week and, well frankly, I don't think that he should be able to laze his days away on the couch while both DH and I work full time and DS1 goes to school full time. I asked DH today how long we were going to give him... he sent me this email:
About DSS, some of my thoughts.

If I push him hard, like my family did to me when I was his age, it put me down the completely wrong path and it took some time for me
to get back and the Navy did that for me.

Next is I have only had him under our roof for nearly 8 months after nearly 8 years of being apart, and as much as I dont make a big song
and dance about it, its a big deal.

I want a home that is a comfortable, happy place for all the members of our family and I think with DSS its going to take alot more
patience on our part to guide him in the right direction. He has never had this level of support and from his perspective we are just having
a go at him and it just may drive to a distance to far away.

I know I will reach a point where I will want him to make a decision or I will give him his options and they may come with how serious he
is taking on the work load of this course, but I am happy to play it out in the short term. At least we are only paying per fortnight, although I
havent had a look at the policy behind taking him out of the course yet.

This is just some of the things going around in my head but I hope you understand, I feel like I am the meat in the sandwich, I totally understand
your point of view, but I also know where William is at, along with me just being happy he is around now, its not easy.

Have a good afternoon my love, see you when you get here, I am going off to the gym.
Love you
XXX
Oh, it does just sound so reasonable... This, however, is the email I wanted to send back.....

Okay.

The truth is that your son is a lazy f***. He’s never had to lift a finger ever in his life and that’s not about to change. Whenever he’s wanted something he’s been given it to him by his mother. He sulks like crazy when someone tells him like it is. Your father understands that – even if you don’t.

DS1 had to just accept the changes when you came to live with us. You might think it was different but for the first 10 years of his life it was just me and him. You made it adamantly clear that he had to fit in with us not the other way around.

What’s so different.

William made his own choices about who he wanted to live with. Up until the end of last year he had no intention of living with you. What changed at home? Maybe once his mum and partner got married, he was told to pick up his act or get out.

At best he ignores me. At his worst he treats me with disdain. He only talks to me nicely when he wants something.

He talks over me when I’m talking to you to get your attention.

How long are you going to tread carefully around him in case you push him away? Long enough to push me away? Will I ask you to make a choice between me and DSS?

Probably not because to be honest if I asked you to make a choice, I think you would choose him.
Of course I will not send that, nor will I say anything.

Vent over with.