hip mummy - this has been going on way before our newborn came along. It was actually worse, when she was 2-3 I slept on the couch so he could sleep with her in the "big bed" - our bed. I did that for a year! sheesh! Great point on kids not wanting to feel different - which is what goes through my thoughts alot especially with the new bub - I just want to treat them both the same, with a little bit more special attention for 6 yo due to fact she doesnt see her dad for half the week - but that said - im afraid admitting there is like a "flaw" with her life (by giving her special treatment - in the form of priveledges and treats etc) would only make the situation worse because she could someday realise shes being compensated for - She actually has a huge extended family who adore her to bits - I dont think she is too hard done by when it comes to love and affection - only because she doesnt see dad every day which is not to be sneezed at at all....This is a hard situation...
nothing 2 lose - good point on being aware of the difference between her and her sibling - we think about that alot - as above - where do you draw the line and find a happy balance between spoiling and giving special privldges to soothe the differences.
That said, 6 yo has a great life in the way of lots of family and always doing something different with mum or dad and thier extended families. Our newborn wont have that kind of experiences.
delara, I just wanted to say that I think that your points are valid (I don't think you should suck it up) and that your DP needs to see that continuing in this way will only make his DD more "different". I know that 6 is still young so being close to her dad (on the same floor) is probably still a good thing, but the independent sleeping is something that needs to be started soon. Maybe DP needs to let go a bit too?
I might add that I don't have any kids myself, but that's just my thoughts.
Delara I think you have some very valid points. We have shared care of my DH's three eldest children and it can be quite tricky at times to find a happy balance for everyone. Have you sat down with your DH and had a 'proper' discussion about all this? I found that the few times DH and I encountered differences of opinion re the steppies that writing him a letter pointing out how I felt was much more effective than a discussion that can tend to get emotional. I think because my DH feels guilty about not being able to see his kids everyday that he sometimes (especially in the earlier days) felt he was making up for it my being the 'fun' parent, when really kids thrive on stability and 'routine'. I think a set bedtime is really important - we notice if we even let the kids stay up half an hour later that they are irritable the next day! For now, I think the best solution is having your baby sleep in your room and DSD sleeps in the room next to you. Can your DH lie with her in her room until she falls to sleep as a kind of transition?
Good luck, this step-parenting business can be tricky!
I have discussed this over and over with DH but I guess because its emotional for both of us the discussion goes nowhere. We end up having to agree to dissagree. He actually challenged me to find 10 families who have the kids sleep on a different level to the parents, then maybe he would reconsider his stance! Thats part of the reason behind this thread! Not looking that good for me!! lol
I dont want to have to move bunk beds, cot, changetable toys etc up and down stairs for a child who is only here 3 nights a week on average; I think i wil just have to let DH sleep upstairs to be closer to the 6 yo who I think should be sleeping alone in her own bunk bed (considering it cost a fortune - u should SEE this kids room! spoilt!)
DH always ies with her until she falls asleep/ sleeps with her - its not a necessity - more of a comfort thing - she CAN go to sleep without - they both just like it that way - OK if it wasnt every single time - I dont want the baby thinking thats what goes on! plus I feel 6 yo needs to gain inderpendance and get to sleep by herself.
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