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thread: Another little scenario for you all...

  1. #1

    Jul 2009
    Australia
    5,102

    Question Another little scenario for you all...

    If you knew your best mate's partner/wife was heavily pregnant, could have the baby any day, having false alarm after false alarm, would you continuously invite him out to places knowing full well he won't be able to make it?

    And then when told that not sure as the baby could come any day, ask what about AFTER the baby is born?


  2. #2
    Registered User

    Sep 2008
    sydney
    254

    If I was a bloke and I had no clue then I probably would....men (rolls eyes)

    My hubby's best mate is like this - no clue. I've had to lay down the law a few times

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Sep 2007
    Brisbane
    5,729

    I'd still invite him out, and give him the space to be an adult and make his own decisions.

    At the end of both pregnancies I was keen for DH to get out as much as humanly possible because I knew it would be his last outing on his own for quite some time. He is an adult. He knows what he can and can't do, and still be a responsible husband, birth support person and father.

    If DH didn't make it to the birth because he was at an event, it was DH's fault, and no one else's.

  4. #4
    Registered User

    May 2011
    Adelaide
    747

    Yeah, for sure. I don't think having a baby means all social interaction needs to stop. As Maruschke said, I'd put out the invite and then leave it to him to decide. DF and I do a lot together socially (most of our friends are couples and having babies themselves) so we tend to do a lot with another couple, but if the guys wanted to go out one night, I'd be all for DF going. Would either mean I get to have a bit of a girls night, or just relax at home by myself. I'd just make sure DF had his phone on and with him so if I needed to get hold of him, I could. For me it's no different to him having to go to work but obviously a lot more fun for him

  5. #5
    Registered User
    Add Little Chicken on Facebook

    Mar 2010
    Melbourne
    1,855

    He's a grown up and can make his own decisions knowing what the consequences can be. If he is always contactable I can't see the problem, he is after all, out of the house at work all day as well.

  6. #6
    Registered User
    Add Beatrix on Facebook

    May 2007
    within a puff of pink
    3,315

    Ahh I'm all for DH going out when I get further along.
    As long as he isn't drinking and has his phone on him and not the other side of town. I want him to still have a life.

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    Victoria
    7,260

    I'd still invite him out, and give him the space to be an adult and make his own decisions.

    At the end of both pregnancies I was keen for DH to get out as much as humanly possible because I knew it would be his last outing on his own for quite some time. He is an adult. He knows what he can and can't do, and still be a responsible husband, birth support person and father.

    If DH didn't make it to the birth because he was at an event, it was DH's fault, and no one else's.

    Yep, this. It would tick me off no end if people stopped invinting me (or my partner) out to events/gatherings/concerts/footy games/anything because I was close to having a baby. Patronising in the extreme.

    If I/we/he doesn't want to go, then we won't, and are capable of making that decision for ourselves. Just because we are hainv a baby doesn't mean our life ends. We live in a modern world, with phones, radios, Facebook...he is a big boy, can make big boy decisions, like whether or not it is responsible to get smashed while out, and to accept the consequences of said decisions (like being too drunk to attend the birth of his child) but that is HIS choice to make, not his friends.

    So yes, I would ask.

  8. #8
    Registered User
    Add ~clover~ on Facebook

    Sep 2007
    travelling
    9,557

    In the very final days, like DD3 being overdue, I did get frusterated with close friends asking ex/us to go to theirs every night. But thats because they have kids, only 2 & it would've been easier for them to come to us. And I didn't wanna go into labour with ex too drunk to drive me to the hospital.

    But when blokes have mates, the mates usually have no clue. Which is fair enough. Especially if they're single without kids. Just let it go. It takes more energy to be annoyed with the friend than it would to ignore it

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Jan 2010
    1,975

    I was very happy for DH to go out at the end of my pg's, but as someone else mentioned - no drinking (no more than a beer or two) and phone switched on.

  10. #10
    Registered User

    Jan 2008
    Country Victoria
    1,991

    Let me guess, this person doesn't have kids? Most men, pre kids have no idea.

  11. #11
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    1,794

    He is big enough to make his decisions.. He has to set the balance between social life and home.. My DH doesn't go out much as he is a shiftworker, as are lots of his friends, so their shifts clash. But being heavily pregnant and I might go into labour, and/or have newborn and toddler at home never stopped him.

    If you (or friend) don't want him to go, say so. If you don't he will assume there are no issues.

  12. #12
    Registered User

    Oct 2006
    Adelaide, SA
    3,962

    I think it's perfectly acceptable for a friend to invite a mate out even if his wife is heavily pregnant, why wouldn't it be???

  13. #13
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    Victoria
    7,260

    If you (or friend) don't want him to go, say so. If you don't he will assume there are no issues.
    That's the key really, isn't it? You need to be clear with each other and your friends what your expectations and needs are, be honest and up front and work out how to get what you need, and how he can get what he needs also. There are no issues, no matter what you are or aren't comfortable with, if there is honest communication and understanding happening.

  14. #14
    Registered User

    Apr 2009
    Epping, VIC
    2,546

    I always think its better to be invited and have to decline, than to have not been invited at all




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  15. #15
    Registered User

    Jul 2008
    Balnarring, Vic
    1,900

    I'd still invite. Its not a nice feeling knowing you haven't been invited.

  16. #16
    Registered User

    Oct 2009
    Bonbeach, Melbourne
    7,177

    I wouldn't care if the friends were inviting my husband out. I would be upset if he decided to go every single time. The end of a pregnancy is draining, but I know my DH would rather be home with myself and my daughter instead of our with his mates the majority of the time in those last few weeks anyway.

  17. #17
    Registered User

    Dec 2005
    Melbourne, Vic
    4,338

    The invite could be being nice not excluding him, or the fact some men have no clue!
    As long as he has sense not to go far or drink I wouldn't worry. I always had the issue cause ex's idea of popping out meant drinking. Not good then.

  18. #18
    Registered User

    Nov 2009
    Scottish expat living in Geelong
    5,572

    I wouldn't care, although I did get a bit annoyed when MIL & FIL invited DH to their house in Spain when I was heavily pregnant with the twins. I could handle him being in the pub, but not in another country and I thought it was rude of them not to consider that.

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