Etiquette Question - You are invited to a 60th at a restaurant, do you expect to pay?

[Peach*]

I would assume I would pay for myself, unless I was specifically told I would be paid for. I think it would be rude to assume otherwise.

[Chocaholic]

I would definitely expect to pay for myself, including drinks. I would also bring a small gift as well. After all, you are there to celebrate a persons life, and expecting them to incur the cost of all the restaurant meals of all the guests is a bit much IMO. If it was a party at home or function venue, then I would expect it to be catered or have finger food.

[Taurean78]

I think it's a generational thing. My parents (64 & 62) always expect that you pay for everyone if you have done the inviting (very old school). I think the younger generations see it as a bonus if someone else pays but you generally go along expecting to pay. I agree that you should put a note on the invite to clarify. Hope this helps!

[~Trish~]

Thanks for your input everyone! I hope my own comments in my original post don't sway people's opinions LOL!

DH & I are trying to think of a way to word the invite so that people know to pay themselves without sounding rude. Should we say something about the average cost of main meals so that people assume they are paying without actually being told? It seems so rude to say, "Your invited, bring cash"

[Liviam]

I would pay for ourselves unless it is specifically mentioned that the meal is provided and drinks at bar prices (for example). It is normal nowadays to pay for yourself at restuarants.

[HarveyBub'sMum]

I think most people of younger generations would expect to pay but I know my parents expect to pay for everyone if they invite them so he may not be comfortable not paying for his own friends to attend.

If you choose somewhere that does a buffet or banquet you can just let people know what the cost is per head or put a gentle note on the invitation that meals are available for those who want to purchase them.

[feeb]

Unless told otherwise I would assume everyone would pay there own way. Also people buy own drinks.

Set menu with set price can help!!! my 30th we had a set menu and everyone knew cost before aggreeing to come and they bough drinks at bar.

[fionas]

Yep, I think it depends on the circumstances of the people involved. I'm going to a 40th birthday for a friend and she's shouting everyone dinner whereas I've been to an 80th birthday and expected to pay for myself because the host was living on a pension and obviously didn't have a heap of money to throw around. But a little PS to clarify will make sure no-one's nose is out of the joint. When I had my 30th, I didn't have a heap of money but did have a heap of people I wanted to invite so just chose somewhere that had a set menu and said it was $x per head on the invite so people knew what they were up for. Some of my friends were on fantastic wages, others were struggling students so I thought it was important to spell it out plus I gave people the choice of joining me for a beer afterwards if they didn't want to/couldnt' do dinner.

[Coolabahdee]

It would depend what the invitation said!!

If I was invited to go out to dinner, I would expect to be paying for it. I would never assume the hosts were paying, but if it was offered I would accept and perhaps buy a drink or two for them. It could be worded as let take So n So out for her birthday, which to me implies we'll pay our own way and chip in for the Birthday person.

If I was invited to a party I would expect it was already paid for. Like a catered event.

I think it is all in the wording.

EDT: You could word it like this We are taking ......out to dinner to celebrate her birthday and to spend some time with her as she celebrates turning .... WE thought she'd love for her friends and family to celebrate with her, so no presents please as we are all going dutch. Please come, we know she'd love to have you there!!!