how to say they are not invited

[Freya]

I would definately assume that my family were part of the invite for a child's party, UNLESS it was one of the kids school friends. To me a family affair is just that, family and no friends. If there are playgroup people or friends with kids then I would be really annoyed to find out my family wasnt invited. To be brutally honest, she cannot be that important of a person to you if a) you havent met her family and b) you dont like her family and c) if your this upset about her bringing her family.

Why did you not just organise maybe a lunch or coffee for these women to celebrate their role in your DD's birth? Or invite them over to your house?

We've never made a big deal about first birthdays really because theyre more for the parent than the child. The only kid who had a party was Ds1. And even then it wasnt anything special and more to do with us finally having a child after TTC for a long time, kind of like a YAY we did it, he's 1 and we're happy party. I just dont get all the hype about it

[Cass72]

I'm with BAL. I would be upset/offended if I got an invite to a kids party and was told my children (and DH) weren't invited. If all of my family isn't invited I don't go - unless of course it's out to a formal dinner/ wedding/ or other formal event where it wouldn't be appropriate for kids.

[jacklicky]

If it were me i would had spoken to my friends before the invites went out (as a group if I could) and said I have invited all of you guys to the party just on your own....hope that's Ok but no offense if you cant make it....then sent the invite with just their names on it. That way you have made your wishes clear. I would not be insulted if I had for-warning it was only me and if I didn't want to go without my partner/kids then I would feel OK saying no and still keeping the friendship.

I personally take my DD everywhere (DH is a shift worker and not home most weekends) so I would have the choice of declining or bringing her. I would 'ASSUME' she was invited to a kids birthday although recently i got a baby shower invite with only my name on it and after checking DH was working I did speak with the expectant mother and she said it was fine for DD to come. So I guess for me the type of event would dictate more who I would assume was invited.

I do understand your frustration about the invite but I do think there were assumptions made on both sides....you assumed that all of these people would realise that the invite meant only them when it seems the (majority of people even on here) would assume differently.

I hope you have a great birthday party for your daughter and hope it all works out perfectly.

[Riss10]

I do understand where you are coming from.

If only my name was on the invite I would question whether the rest of my family was also invited. I personally would check with the host, however I would feel really embarrassed that I had been put in a position where I had to ask. I also think you should have explained the invite situation to your friends. If you wanted to keep numbers low, you should have just excluded the group of uni friends.

Enjoy the party! I've been to a few recently and they are bedlam!

[hj1981]

thank you for those that answered without having a "dig" your reply and honesty was much apprechiated!

For those that just had to have a "dig" well now i clearly understand why you make up the majority who would just assume and not clarify!

Regardless of whether i edited my original post all not, which i had to do because as always on here people take things the wrong way without listening or knowing situations properly before they go off on their own little tangents, my main reason for posting was to ask if people would just bring their family along without asking if they were actually invited or not!

so anyway, although like always the majority of here would of already judged me without knowing me... i just want to say a few things before i stop posting


1. I am not a rude person, if i was invited to a party i would always clarify if my DH and kids were invited too, i have NO problems with people only wanting to invite me and not my family EXSPECIALLY if they don't know my family! i DO NOT think it is rude and i WOULD NOT end a friendship over it!

2. those that are coming and are bringing their LITTLE kids were all written on the invite, and it is because we have known them for years, would make sense to invite the whole family would it not?

3. Why would i say yes "IF" she had of asked if they were invited??? simply because i am NOT a HORRIBLE MEAN PERSON like i have been made out to be on here, i would NEVER and could NEVER say no to her in person, hence why her name was only on the invite!

My DD1 recently got an invite with only her name on it to a party, so i never assumed that DH and I or DD2 was invited, although at her age i was hoping it wasnt a party where you leave your child LOL, so i simply asked....... such and EASY thing to do, if the rest of us was invited too and the reply was "of course you are, i just thought it was nice for your DD1 to get her own special invite, however it is only a small thing so maybe your DH might not want to come as the other DH's are not", agree that was a nice thing to do, in the end only myself and DD1 went because i felt that it was her friend not her sisters and that yes we are family but we are able to do our own thing, and sometimes my DD1 might like to attend party's that she is invited to without her younger DD2 coming along, like im sure it will be vica versa when DD2 is older.

I found nothing rude about that!

at the end of the day, i don't mind that her and her family are coming, and they will not be made to feel left out or anything like that and with a bit of luck everyone enjoy's themselves!

anyways thanks for your replies! good and bad, it has been apprechiated however im begining to think i no longer belong as part of this so called "community", its more of a gang up and abuse and i really think i am better than that and don't deserve it! Im not a bad person!

[lilima]

I don't think anyone was having a dig? I think it is more you didn't get the answer you wanted or expected.

First birthdays tend to be for whole families. If my five yo got an invite to a party, I would not expect my DD or DH to attend also. Cthere is a difference. I too wouldn't end a friendship over it, although I would think it is strange.

I think you need to go back and have a good read of the posts. You will find that most were just telling you that's how they would perceive the situation.

In the end it is your choice who or who not to invite, but also understand that it is an easy mistake for your friend to assume that her family could attend

I hope you have a lovely day.

[Eenee]

Kind of defeats the purpose If people ring to clarify and you say yes that the rest of the family are invited. No wonder people get confused cos they just assume that yeah last time I rang someone they said yes don't want to look stupid asking again. Just saying.

For a kids first birthday party I would assume my child was invited would be different if it was for a different occasion though.

[Eenee]

And of course it's different when the child's name is on it for a kids party that makes sense but just an adult who has kids name on an invite doesn't sorry

[hj1981]

I don't think anyone was having a dig? I think it is more you didn't get the answer you wanted or expected.

once again jumping to conclusions! you all do it so well no wonder people get peeved and leave!

[Maruschke]

I really don't think anyone was having a dig, no one called you a horrible person that I can see.

I understand that when a large body of people disagree with your thoughts on something, it can be confronting, but disagreement doesn't mean a character attack.

This is the risk you take when you publicly ask for opinion, unfortunately, you need to be prepared for all sorts of opinions being given.

[hj1981]

And of course it's different when the child's name is on it for a kids party that makes sense but just an adult who has kids name on an invite doesn't sorry

oh crap and to think i invited a few adults without their kids, oh thats right their kids are older and would rather stay at home playing the xbox than come to a 1yr olds birthday, thats why it is just the adult! silly me

[lilima]

Serious? Gosh, who is digging at who now! What did you expect everyone to answer with then? I am quite interested in knowing!

[Eenee]

Why bother asking a question if you are just going to get heated and defensive about it as far as I see you are the only one in this thread that has used esclamation mark. Knew I shouldn't have bothered, and I was referring to younger kids(obviously are if they draw on walls) not older kids. Oh and older kids I know would love to go to a child's party.

[hj1981]

i said they were old enough to know better not to draw on the walls

and my gosh on the exclamation mark thing i always put them at the end, i happen to like them! always have, and always will! if you saw my letters back in school days they are full of exclamtion marks all fancy ones too

[ElleJay]

I've read the whole post and I actually don't have anything to say about it, except I was in a situation only the other week!
I got a wedding invite with just mine and DHs name on it (about 2 months ago - the wedding was just on Friday) and I immediately messaged who it was from (my cousin) and asked if it was ok to bring William to which she said it was a child free wedding.
I guess I've always been one to ask, if my name is only on the invite to a birthday/wedding/baby shower etc, I automatically ask the person who's invited me because I don't wanna be rude by bringing my DH and DS if the invite weren't stated on the invite (I've always seen it as common courtesy )
And when I'm doing invites, if I've written one name on the invite, I'll write after the RSVP part 'Partners/children welcome' if you want them to come to. But that's just me.



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[Beatrix]

Serious? Gosh, who is digging at who now! What did you expect everyone to answer with then? I am quite interested in knowing!

this.

She expected everyone to agree with her and does not like to be in the minority.

[Beatrix]

I've read the whole post and I actually don't have anything to say about it, except I was in a situation only the other week!
I got a wedding invite with just mine and DHs name on it (about 2 months ago - the wedding was just on Friday) and I immediately messaged who it was from (my cousin) and asked if it was ok to bring William to which she said it was a child free wedding.
I guess I've always been one to ask, if my name is only on the invite to a birthday/wedding/baby shower etc, I automatically ask the person who's invited me because I don't wanna be rude by bringing my DH and DS if the invite weren't stated on the invite (I've always seen it as common courtesy )
And when I'm doing invites, if I've written one name on the invite, I'll write after the RSVP part 'Partners/children welcome' if you want them to come to. But that's just me.



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weddings are a completely different kettle of fish... I would never ever assume my children were invited to a wedding but to a child even then well yes i would

[forshelby]

I haven't read this whole thread so forgive me if I'm repeating what someone.else said.

I would think it's common sense that my DS would be invited to a 1y.os party. But would most likely reference the fact I would bring him, casually. Eg- "Ooh, DSs first party invite!" Honestly, I think it is rude to invite other peoples children but to exclude hers. I would be offended., even if my DS was a pain in the butt and it was warranted. Consider how you would feel if everyone elses kids were welcome but not yours. That'd hurt. JMO.

I don't think there is a tactful way to say something hurtful such as this. Either lose a friend, or put up with her kids. Sorry to be blunt, just how I see it.