Mothers Group Etiquette Re Dribbling On Toys

[fionas]

I should have just asked the women in my Mothers Group but at the time it didn't seem appropriate to shush everyone, stick my hand up and say "oooh, excuse me I've got a question re dribbling on toys."

So here's the thing. Our kids are round about 5-6 months old. Yesterday, I forgot to take any toys for my DD to play with. Normally she is quite happy looking at all the mums and laughing as they wave their hands around while they talk. But yesterday she stole all the other children's toys and promptly put them in her mouth.

Now, TBH, I do go for the "germs are good to build their immunity" so it wouldn't really phase me if another baby was mouthing one of my DD's toys but I'm conscious that not everyone might feel the same way.

But what's the alternative? I could literally have spent the entire meeting watching her like a hawk, taking toys out of her mouth and not joining in any conversation. I did do a bit of that anyway along with popping her on my knee and I just thought, "gee, this is a bit bloody hard. Am I being overly paranoid about what other people might think?"

Obviously it would be a bit different if she was a toddler and had to learn to share toys but it's a bit too early for that.

What's everyone's views?

[Kazbah]

Take along toys that can be chewed, and mention that the bubs are getting older and what about when they start walking around? Otherwise, try a discussion on drool - some people have toys used for comfort and may be grumpy at those being sucked, and others may wash their toys weekly!

sorry, really rambling.

[Beach Mama]

Ive had this problem too- given that all the other babies at MG still not mobile, but Izzy is crawling and is a force to be reakoned with! No toy or child is safe and other bubs are reaching out and grabbing others toys too. We have discussed that we all need to be prepared for them to share toys and drool. We also trust that if our bub hasn't been well, we won't go to MG that week, and we all take toys that can be easily washed when we get home too. One mum is a bit precious about it all, but really, there isn't much we can do about it! I would maybe have a general chat about it next time you meet! Good luck!

[DoubleK]

hmm im trying to think back.. i dont remember anyone being overly protective of their bub's toys. it is hard tho, to stop them chewing/sucking on each others toys. even now when we have a mums group, some of the kids are real suckers... Krystal doesnt put things in her mouth, so im not too worried.

they also often help themselves to each others drinks! we try to stop them, but short of taking the drinks away, we cant really help it!

sorry im not much help! but im not too worried about Krystals toys being dribbled on... but now that i have actually thought about it...

[{sarah}]

We were sort of half and half. Some didn't mind but others (mostly the mums of prems) weren't happy with sharing.

[littlelara]

We never worried, figured what went around came around, and as long as none of the kids were sick or snotty...
We even gave up worrying about the drink swapping, they all had water anyway and we noticed they drank more this way.
You could always just keep hold of the toy your dd has nabbed, tell the mum "sorry about this, I'll clean it" and give it a cursory wipe with a nappy wipe when your mg meet is finished. You'll probably be told not to worry anyway, they all do it.
Lara

[StrawberryMumma]

I'm not one for worrying about the toy sharing thing, I find it practically impossible to stop it when all the babies are playing and rolling around together! Like Tan says, I think most mums are sensible and if their little one is sick then they don't bring them along. I know their are a lot of other nasties that can be transferred but I just think it is too hard to completely stop all toy sharing etc (Or maybe I'm just a lazy mumma lol). But I do always ask the other mums 'is that ok?' when it happens, just to make sure (But I find that you can usually tell which mums wouldn't like it before it happens IYKWIM?)

[Epacris]

I’m lucky, in the mothers group I’m in we all ended up thinking exactly the same about drool, it’s fine to share, the more the merrier. I can see how it would be difficult to be in a group where some mothers don’t want to share the drool around. I’m sorry I don’t have much advice? As a starting point, can you broach the subject in a light-hearted, jokey way and gauge the response/s so you can get a feel for the range of opinions you might be dealing with?

[Charlyfrog]

Oh I'm probably the precious one then

I am not comfortable when other mothers sit back and allow their children to take my child's toys and promptly put them in their mouths. I do teach my children to share but even when DD#2 grabs at her big sisters toys, I am teaching her not to put them in her mouth - I usually replace her big sisters toy with one of her own as she is teething so keeping things out of her mouth is really a no win situation.

I must admit there is that uncomfortability with feeling like I am the odd one out as I am not the all for one type iykwim. I guess my issue is the mums who are the all for one thinkers so don't with hold their children when they are obviously sick and sniffly, and assume all other mothers are the same. Or the other scenario is being told after a play date etc that their child has been sick etc. This happened when I was pg, I was holding my friends baby who was drooling on me and then later in the night my friend shared that they had all recently had gastro. 2 days later I was sick as anything and freaking out because I was only just past the 3 month mark in my pg ....... thankfully I had gotten my 3yr old babysat that night so she wasn't exposed (she loves babys) then a week later my husband was sick.

Sorry I'm rambling a bit and I know that not everyone does things like that (honestly, my friend just didn't even think but not in a sinister manner iykwim, but I'm the opposite - I always tell people if my girls have been sick) so I think it is a great thing to bring the subject up and don't worry about what other people think. Its great to know where you and everyone else stands on the issue because by bringing it up, other mums might breathe an inner sigh of relief as they were too uncomfy to bring the subject up themselves. Then the added bonus, you'll most probably have a much more relaxed time

Anyways, that's just my thoughts on it all hth

[maddysmummy]

i say if you bring them to mothers group then you need to expect that the will be used by other children!!

simple dont take them if you dont wanna have other children mouth them!

[Charlyfrog]

Or just a thought I had then, maybe take two sets of toys so bubby can be considered the sharing type iykwim. I could have toys just for her mouth and then throw in some "free for all" toys that I can just clean up later. I think this is a tricky subject as I am not sure where a happy compromise is apart from the above thought. I think its unfair for both ends of the spectrum to expect the other end to meet them the whole way if that makes sense? Anyways, just my thoughts again

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I'm usually the one who has toys everywhere and other babies grab DS's toys.

The only time I ever say anything is when DS is ill and I point out to the mother that DS is ill, her child has DS's toy and it is a bit germ-ridden (usually at coffee mornings, not playgroups). I don't let DS put "group" toys, like the ones the playgroups provide, in his mouth: if he's biting then it's his toys ONLY. If DS is after his friend's toy then, so long as he's healthy, I'll just ask the mum if it's OK that he plays with it.

[Epacris]

I think sharing “drool” and sharing “sick baby drool” are two completely different things. Again, I am lucky because everyone in my mothers group is in complete agreement, if you child is sick you stay away. It is way too difficult to stop the kiddies sharing toys, particularly if they’re used to it and illness can be passed through droplets in the air anyway, so we all agree it’s best just not to come.

[{sarah}]

I guess my issue is the mums who are the all for one thinkers so don't with hold their children when they are obviously sick and sniffly, and assume all other mothers are the same.

Gosh I never took Alexzander to mum's grup when he was sick (or anywhere for that matter) but allowed his toys to be shared around at mum's group. I wouldn't want his sick germs shared around but didn't have a problem with having a bit of drool shared. That said, if another mum didn't want him to play with their child's toy I would tell him no & take it off him.

[Rouge]

Don't attack me but I find it odd. I wouldn't take my kids to play if they were sick, and if another child was sick I'd probably keep my child away (and if I knew the parent well enough ask them to either tell me when their kid is sick so I can stay at home or ask them to... that baffles me to even need to ask as its just good manners) but otherwise it wouldn't bother me. Yes I do think kids need to be subject to germs although I can definitely understand prem mums being cautious though. I would just worry about it affecting children learning to share, and also perhaps cause anxiety. Can't be much fun to constantly stress over toys. Did I mention I never did mother's group LOL I think I am glad! Playdates sound a lot less stressful!

[fionas]

Hi Niliac

Just clarifying that my original question wasn't related to sick kids but healthy kids sharing drooly toys. I don't have a problem with that but I'm notoriously relaxed about such things and wondered whether others shared my 'relaxedness' or not?

I think the sick kid thing is a no-brainer - NO WAY would I take my DD if she was sick and I'd be gobsmacked if any of the other mums in my MG would either.

[Rouge]

Yeah I agree the sickness thing is a no brainer Well I definitely share your relaxedness

ETA: I meant I found it odd that it would be a cause of stress iykwim? But thats not to say I don't see why people have their reservations as I do...

[*charmalea*]

yeah when ds is sick i never take him to MG , its a time where him and i can sunggle and i get to to soothe him.. to me when hes sick its out private time ... ( im rambling but ds is a jumping bean and i never get snuggly cuddles )


ANYWAY i share the relaxed additude too ... we all know eachother well enough and we never had a problem with toys and now that all our babies are toddlers they share drinks ... to us its no biggie...