Mothers Group Etiquette Re Dribbling On Toys

[sangie]

I think it would be impossible to go to a MG with mobile bubs and not have toy sharing! We are also very relaxed on this issue. If we weren't then it wouldn't be much fun, we would constantly be taking things off our bubs and telling them 'no'!

Yeah I agree with the sick thing, 'no brainer'.

[BhoysGirl]

We haven't had this discussion in our MG either, but I suspect that we're a pretty relaxed group about toys in general. I guess I just don't want to be the one who has a kid that wrecks another kids toys, or does a big spew on them that can't be washed out...so for me it depends on what the toys are made of & how easy to wash they are. I'm really happy to share plastic washable toys, but soft fabric toys I'd rather were used for one child only - so if the soft toy belongs to another kid I'll make sure that Liam doesn't get it in his mouth, and if it's Liam's soft toys I tend not to have them available for other kids to grab IYKWIM.

[Janie]

Gosh, I feel bad, I've never even thought about this!

I definitely have a more relaxed approach to this sort of thing And I'm a prem mum! I think most of the mum's in our group are probably the same, but maybe not all of them? Maybe I should check?

And I agree, the sickness thing is a no-brainer. I wouldn't take DS anywhere except the Drs or his grandmother's if he was sick. And I would let people who came into contact with him know that he has been/might be unwell. I really am anal about that sort of thing, I think it's only fair.

[Charlyfrog]

Can I ask a question re: this topic? I have been thinking about this thread today I kinda feel like the odd one out but am ok with that (just ask my friends, lol!) Anyways, I agree that the sick thing is, should be, a no brainer (have had experiences however where it wasn't iykwim)....so in the in between times, where all appear healthy.........my concern when I have my baby amongst other little ones who are also in the zone of eating everything in sight is what if?? Isn't it better to be safe than sorry therefore avoid sharing drool just in case??

Another scenario that I had once, whilst it wasn't sharing drool, it was one of those things where I knew the little girl had been exposed to chicken pox and was still in the potential incubating stage. So as it was a pool party and DD#1 hadn't yet had her chicken pox immunisation, I declined the offer and the mother thought my decision was "bizarre" (her words) and she was awkward around me after that even though I tried so hard to get things 'normal'. Again, not the drool scenario as such but an example of being safe over sorry. Was this really a 'bizarre' decision?

I do apologise if this appears like ramble (not the best communicator ) but am curious that my thoughts are opposite to the majority in the thread and am ok with all constructive thoughts!

[*charmalea*]

charlyfrog ... hmmm interesting .. how old was dd at the party ??
if it were me i would have those "she might spread the pox"thoughts and i would stew over it ... but i dont really know what i would do ...but considering the complications that cpox can give a child or an adult i wouldnt risk it either

on one had i would "let" my chile be exposed, as getting cpox young is better than when your older ( i had them at 16 , was very very sick...)

but on the other had the thought of exposing a child to any disease makes me feel a bit funny ..

but i do vaccinate my child, so if there was a kid who was in that potential incubating stage i would stay away .

but NO i dont think you decision was bizzare , her reaction was , but then she may not know how serious it can be to other people , young or old , esp preg women or weak immune systems ...but i guess every family is different and we all think we know whats best for our child .... but do we really? ..

kwim????

Anyone who has had chickenpox (or the chickenpox vaccine) as a child is at risk for developing shingles later in life, and up to 20% do,so even if we dont expose them to the virus, were still at risk later in life ....

[Rouge]

No I don't think your decision was bizarre. I would have done the same.

I think I may have made you feel bad and i didn't mean to so let me re explain. I am a "little" bit of a germaphobe but only when I know there are children sick, I won't go near anyone if they've had gastro (like I'm talking at least 5 days) in case incubation has already started with other family members. If its cold season and I know the flu is going round I'm more careful and if someone said they might have CP I'd definitely stay away. But if I'm at a playdate, (and I know mothers group is more than that) I'd think that it would be more "safe" that people should respect my boundaries with bugs, and be thoughtful when other kids are sick. I wouldn't want my child to be playing in an environment where toys were continually off limits or another child couldn't share his toys purely because I'd be worried about the impact on social interaction and sharing, because its easy for children (even small children) to pick up anxieties. So I probably (and this is a bit horrible) wouldn't go to a mothers group if I knew those parents didn't respect my germ policy LOL! I mean even at school when we have P&F meetings we let each other know that our kids are sniffly and its up to them if they still think its ok to attend. But like Lea said, if there was one or two children with weak immunities etc then of course I would be more vigilant. I just know I wouldn't want to go to a mothers group if every second I was panicking over what toys my child was playing with because the other children had a tendency to be sick or because I worried about upsetting other parents. Believe me I do understand where you are coming from and whilst I said I thought it was odd that those requests be made, but I wouldn't say *you* are odd And I get just as annoyed when kids destroy toys, or parents have toys out that aren't appropriate for play (just for looking) because explaining that to a small child is difficult (not impossible just difficult) and of course when something becomes off limits its instantly wanted even more LOL! I hope I made sense Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable... I too can be cr@p at explaining myself sometimes LOL!

[Charlyfrog]

Niliac! You're lovely! No, you didn't make me feel bad at all love! But thank you for your loveliness Just a topic that I am finding rather interesting as I have never had it brought up before and I was unaware of how differing my thoughts on this seems to the majority. But that doesn't worry me, I am really interested in every one's point of view on this and yay that I have an opportunity to have a good in depth natter about it! Thanks again lovey!

[*Ang*]

Charly, you are defintitely not the odd one out. But on saying that I have no problems with my children sharing drool and even on occasion as I know they have been known to do water bottles. Provided there is no sickness going around, truthfully it can sometimes be IMPOSSIBLE to keep an eye on them every single second at places like mothers group - when you go to the toilet, grab a coffee, etc... IMO there is nothing wrong with a bit of germ sharing, I truely believe that it helps to build your immunity up and that is why children are so sick nowadays - they are not exposed to enough things.

Upon saying all of that I totally agree with you about not going to the pool party in case of chicken pox- nobody wants a child with chicken pox so why risk it?

My mothers group was very relaxed, the issue never even came up even with the premmie mums.

[Charlyfrog]

This might sound ridiculous but its kind of a tongue in cheek thought....kind of ....yet one to ponder ...........how is it different to the issue of double dipping or sharing cups etc at a party?? I feel as if there is the unspoken rule of not double dipping a celery stick into a dip container and at a party if I can't remember where I last put my cup, I automatically go for a clean one rather than a pre-used one sitting close to the drinks I want anyway...

....so why do we oppose double dipping and sharing cups but are ok with babies sharing drool??

......ok lovlies, so is this just me?????

[Janie]

This might sound really stupid, but I think the difference is that while we as adults DO care about sharing drool, babies DON'T! I know we're in charge of making those decisions for them, but TBH, I don't want to spend every playtime monitoring what goes in my DS's mouth, and taking it off him if it's not his. Equally, I'm not about to say that we're not sharing his toys with other babies.

Having said that, I'm in the same boat as Cai..........I'm happy that the people we spend time with are not knowingly taking their babies out and about when unwell. If I thought they were doing that, I probably wouldn't go. I know that you can't always know when a kid is infectious, but that's just life, isn't it. We have to take 'risks' or we'd have pretty boring lives IMO. But knowingly sharing germs is another thing

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

A child incubating Chicken Pox wasn't kept away from other babies? That is just wrong and irresponsible (I wouldn't mind if DS was older with him getting this, but not as a baby). I would never take a baby who could be seriously ill or possibly incubating something nasty to any group, let alone a pool party. I don't mind taking DS somewhere with a runny nose, but a "proper" illness is something else. (Heck, I even stayed away from BB because of illness... well, that and not being able to see.)

I don't mind sharing dip and cups with close family. I don't mind DS sharing drool because, if it's his friends, they stick their hands in each other's mouths and noses anyway. I know, it's so pleasant. And when babies kiss each other, that's mega drooly. So a little bit of drool on a toy isn't going to be too bad in the grand scheme of things.