surname of bub when parents have different surnames

[Campari]

My mum didn't change her name when she was married, and all of us three kids were given her surname as our only middle name - not hyphenated or anything. Its a nice link for siblings. People sometimes question it as a strange "middle name", but as soon as I explain why its there, they think its great.

My husband and I have different surnames but we have chosen for our kids to have DH's surname as I have a poor relationship with my Dad and wouldn't want to carry on that name with my kids (despite still having that name myself..)

I have a friend who's kids have the mum's surname because the fathers surname was a shocker in terms of being teased at school etc.

And I have another friend who made up a surname based on the two surnames of her and her husband - thus creating a whole new one.

So many options!

[~clover~]

Did anyone hear about them talking about this on 'The Circle' this morning?
One of the girls said she wished she named her DD with her surname, but at the time she thought the father kind of needed that as a bond between him & his DD. But the father left them & she's wished she gave her name after that.
Another said that back in the 70's when she had her baby, if you weren't married the baby legally got the mothers surname. She actually changed her name by deedpoll to the fathers name so the baby could have the fathers name.

Most of my friends kids have the fathers name unless they seperated before the baby was born. Then they often have the mothers name. Some wish they'd used the other name whan they seperated down the track, others didn't.

I guess I believe when you love your husband/partner, giving your children his surname is more a gift than anything. I have a friend who decided that since her DD got her DP's surname, she'd give her her middle name. That worked for them.

I don't have a single friend who has hyphenated or used both names as surnames.

These days you are allowed to give your children any surname you desire. MIL did change DH's name (DH's choice) to step FIL's surname & he was known by that name all through school, but he decided to use his mothers maiden name (his birth name) when he applied for his license & thats what he's used ever since. His 5 letter name is so much easier than my 11 letter surname!

[Feijoa Mum]

We married after we had already had 3 of our boys and I kept my surname. I always thought I would get rid of it as soon as I could as its not common and I have to spell and pronounce it all the time.
We gave the boys both our surnames but not hyphenated. This way I figured they drop off my name (its first) to be used as another middle name and just use their Dads if they wanted too. Number 4 has both names, as will this one when she decides to grace us with her presence.

I think naming your baby is such a personal decision and you should do whatever works for you and your happy with. We got so many negative comments about our boys names that this time we have kept the name to ourselves and nobody will know till she is here. It is driving eveyone insane but why should we tell them only to have the negative feedback?? No thanks.

[SunnyRain]

Giving your child both names, un-hyphenated (one as a middle name, one as a surname) is becoming more common. My husband and I have different surnames and we struggled with this decision, too, for the same reason. We're not fond of the hyphen either.

However, I felt that if we used our names un-hyphenated it would have the exact same effect as choosing one name over the other as a surname. At school he would be known by that surname and the middle name would be forgotten. So in the end we went with the hyphen and then whatever our son chooses to do if/when he marries is up to him.

We tossed around the idea of choosing a completely new common surname for the entire family based on something that was important to us, like Liberty or maybe a place we shared, but we never made a decision.

We often get mail to "Mr and Mrs (my husband's name)" and I don't really care. We also get mail to "The (hyphenated-surname)s", which isn't correct either. Again, it doesn't worry me. I know our surname situation is confusing for people, I can't expect them to keep track.

Actually, since giving our son the hyphenated surname we are now leaning towards changing our surnames to match. It turned out we didn't mind it so much after all.

[nellnell]

:yeahthat:

A friend named her sons with 2 middle names (one was her surname), then they both have her husbands surname.

[Lenny]

I was not keen on taking on DH's surname when we married, but he was very very strong in his feelings that he wanted me to, and so I did. I am content that I did this now and am happy that my sons have the same name too. Painfully traditional, but it's all fine with me.

A BB member once told me that should she and her DH have a boy, they will give him DH's surname, and should she have a girl, then her surname would be passed down. I really really liked this sentiment.

I have lived in a south american country where it is the norm to have mother's and father's surname. Not hyphenated, just two names, mother's first then father's.

Do what feels right to you. But I guess you might have to get used to correcting people.

[Tinks]

I kept my surname when I got married. All my kids have DH's surname and my surname as a 2nd middle name. My surname is a popular boys name atm too so it worked well. DS is known by all of his names but I tend to drop the girls 2nd middle name (my surname) for some reason.

[HotI]

Thanks for all the different ideas. Still working on what we will do.

A BB member once told me that should she and her DH have a boy, they will give him DH's surname, and should she have a girl, then her surname would be passed down. I really really liked this sentiment.

I have heard this before, where the Mum gets to choose the girl name or surname and the Dad gets to choose for their son. To be honest, i find it quite disturbing, that somehow a female child belongs more to the Mum and a male child belongs more to the Dad.