Hey little_O, I think a gift registry is a better option than a mandatory wishing well. Most weddings I have attended with a gift registry (and to be honest, it's been years since I last attended a wedding with a registry, they have all had a wishing well and a 'no gifts' policy in the last 10 years or so) have included gifts of varying value to suit guests of any budget. The note included with a gift registry has always said something along the lines of 'if you would like to buy a small gift but need some ideas…' as opposed to the WW's 'no gift, just cash'. I can only remember using a gift registry once, other than that occasion I have always enjoyed finding something special for the bride and groom. I put a lot of consideration in to what I think their taste is and what I think they will like - if I have ever got it wrong, I would hope that the recipients have enjoyed the gift in the spirit it was given.

The first wedding I attended with a WW, there was much confusion as to whether you included a card in the well or gave the card separately. I watched what others did at the reception and asked a few friends whether they were putting the cash in the card. It was agreed that the card should be placed next to the WW and the cash deposited in the well itself. After all, it doesn't matter how much cash you give, you give what you can afford. This is what I did, card next to the well, $100 in the well itself. I was surprised to never receive a thank you from the bride and groom, as most people do send a 'thanks for sharing the day with us', but didn't think much of it - until a friend who had forgotten both her cash and card on the day and so had delivered them to the bride and groom later told me that she had received a thank you (she commented on the included photo) and it later became clear that only those who had included cash in a card received a thank you. I raised the question - did the bride and groom want us to share the day with them, or were they just after whatever cash they could get?

The next wedding I attended with a WW was for my cousin. I put $200 - in a card! - in the WW. My cousin later told me that they spent all the money they had received in their WW on the pokies. I'd prefer not to support someone else's gambling addiction.

For my own wedding 13 years ago, we received some beautiful gifts, some big, some small, and some people couldn't afford any gift other than their presence on the day. I love pulling out the platters and vases we received and remembering who gave them to us and what a great time we had at our wedding with all of our guests. I am grateful for every single gift we received, whether we really needed them - or liked them! - or not. I appreciate the time and thought that went into choosing them, the fact that someone went out looking for something that they wanted to give to my DH and I to celebrate our marriage. For me, that is what gift giving is about.