Wishing well at a wedding etiquette?

[Miss.September]

As a guest, I would never think to gift the amount it has cost to have me at the wedding. I've been to a wedding that was $300+ per head! So DH should have given $600? I don't think so.

As someone who had a money based registry (we had a honeymoon registry), we didn't care if someone gave $10! There was certainly no expectation on how much people "should" give. We wanted the wedding, that was our cost and we didn't want to be reimbursed for it, just wanted to celebrate. We chose a honeymoon registry because we 'd lived together for numerous years and didn't have the room for additional things.

I'd be inclined to give between $50 - $100 into a wishing well for friends and $100 - $200 for close friends /family. Depending on our financial circumstances.

[Mum2twoBoys]

I'm like the others, I give what I feel is right for the occasion. Not the cost of the wedding. Sorry but that's the decision they've made not me.

We were the same with having a wishing well due to already living together. But our wedding was pretty low key, so it didn't cost us an arm and a leg. We had a wedding we could afford rather than expecting our guests to pay. And in the end, we preferred having our family and friends there. And any money was a bonus and helped is save for our first house.

[RainbowRiver]

We didn't have a wishing well, but asked for no gifts, just a card for memories sake. Most gave us $50 cash or $50 gift cards.

[MummyNaomi]

We had a flight centre registry - guests out in anything from $30-200 depending on their relationship to us. On average $50 -100 was the go. Hope that's helpful!
We generally go with $50-100, for my BFF we put in $200 but generally $100 is our limit

[toomanyshoes]

For those who give cost per person as a gift, what if you have to travel a considerable distance to the event? Or if you have to book accommodation or a babysitter? Do you take those costs into consideration?

This is us for an up coming wedding, it's on a Friday so requires DH to have two days off work , we need to travel interstate, we need a baby sitter, a hotel, traveling to from hotel/wedding, we've been asked to pay for our own drinks AND we've been asked to contribute to the wishing well, I'm really unsure about what to put in the wishing well!

[~Gee_Whizzy~]

This is us for an up coming wedding, it's on a Friday so requires DH to have two days off work , we need to travel interstate, we need a baby sitter, a hotel, traveling to from hotel/wedding, we've been asked to pay for our own drinks AND we've been asked to contribute to the wishing well, I'm really unsure about what to put in the wishing well!

20 should suffice

jokes aside, the cph is an old tradition whereby, even if you were buying an actual gift, the cost of that physical gift would have *traditionally* been around the price of the cph. having a well is no different we had a Well at our wedding back in 2007 and we had blank envelopes set up with the well that ppl could use. everyone, bar 2
ppl (who just popped their money straight into the well) put money in a wedding card with beautiful messages beforehand so the blank envelopes weren't needed!

[~clover~]

When I got married the average amount was $50. 2 or 3 people put in $100 & ex's work mates chucked in $20 each.

In my situation I'd struggle to put in $50, but I wouldn't feel right giving any less than that. Any more than that for me would usually be impossible. Especially when there are travel costs etc involved.

[kateo]

Well it's interesting that people have such differing views.
We were married 23 years ago in April and we had nothing as we'd not been living together. Anything we got was useful but I still question the very ugly turkey platter from a much loved older friend. It does however get trotted out most Christmas Dinners and is either admired or laughed at. We'd have been considered fairly rude asking for money from everyone from my cultural background but a couple of older relatives gave us LARGE cheques.
My aunt gave us a saucepan......still used most days of the 23 years!
We've sort of "grown out" of our wedding going days for friends. This couple have been living together for ages so we are rather looking forward to celebrating with them.
I guess it will be nieces and nephews next!
I did not want to give anonymously if it was not the done thing and I didn't want to display how much we were giving if this was not the done thing. I am glad I asked the question.
Card and affordable amount of $$$ it is!

[Marley&Me]

This is us for an up coming wedding, it's on a Friday so requires DH to have two days off work , we need to travel interstate, we need a baby sitter, a hotel, traveling to from hotel/wedding, we've been asked to pay for our own drinks AND we've been asked to contribute to the wishing well, I'm really unsure about what to put in the wishing well!

This really annoys me. My friend had to do this for one of her friends (who didn't live interstate, just wanted to get married there!)

[~Gee_Whizzy~]

Well it's interesting that people have such differing views.
We were married 23 years ago in April and we had nothing as we'd not been living together. Anything we got was useful but I still question the very ugly turkey platter from a much loved older friend. It does however get trotted out most Christmas Dinners and is either admired or laughed at. We'd have been considered fairly rude asking for money from everyone from my cultural background but a couple of older relatives gave us LARGE cheques.
My aunt gave us a saucepan......still used most days of the 23 years!
We've sort of "grown out" of our wedding going days for friends. This couple have been living together for ages so we are rather looking forward to celebrating with them.
I guess it will be nieces and nephews next!
I did not want to give anonymously if it was not the done thing and I didn't want to display how much we were giving if this was not the done thing. I am glad I asked the question.
Card and affordable amount of $$$ it is!

see I think this is where it's completely different now. *Most* couples live together now before getting married so they have all the *stuff* they kind of need for married life together, hence why Wishing Wells are quite the norm now.

[AnyDream]

I find the "CPH" concept fascinating - I can understand how it started - probably a while ago - but that was when the hype/expense/expectations surrounding weddings were much, much less. I know a whole cohort of married couples who managed to have lovely receptions with plenty of fluff on amounts like $30 - $70 per head (I kid you not). The idea that I "should" be shelling out upwards of $250, $400, or even $500 because someone decided they couldn't possibly get married without having hand-braided love knots on every chair is RIDICULOUS.

Sure, if you can afford to be generous, be generous. I would. Just don't assume that there is a social requirement to fund someone else's obscene spending decisions.

[~Gee_Whizzy~]

my wedding reception was $68 per head back in 2007. I wasn't *expecting* ppl to fund my "obscene spending" but I also didn't want a lot of stuff I already had. so yeah, money worked for us. I couldn't have cared less if ppl put money in or not, we didn't stand at the well watching everyone, we were too busy enjoying the reception!

in *my* opinion ppl tend to get their back up with wishing Wells because they're worried about being "judged" about the amount they can put in.

[peanutter]

I give whatever I'd spend on a gift. So maybe $50 on a friend, more on a close friend, more again on family.

The cost per head IMHO has nothing to do with it. I mean at the end of the day, is the guest supposed to do a rough calculation of the outlay? Google or email places for the meal deal, the price of the bonbonierre, and then check with the bridesmaid whether the orders of service were printed at home or professionally done?

Whatever you'd spend on a gift is fine.

Have fun

[peanutter]

PS: I tend to write a nice card, which is signed, and which would mean they know how much DH and I gave. How that measures up I don't know! I hope my presence rather than my cheque was important

For my wedding, we got everything from a mix tape to a cheque for $100. The value and the love, not the quantum, was what I remember

[~*familyof3*~]

If im honest DH and I hated the idea of a wishing well. We decided we just wanted our guests there to celebrate the day with us. So we put a little not in with the invites saying that their attendance would be a lovely gift, but if they must get a gift something small is perfect too.

We didnt want people to feel they had to get something

[meow]

We did the same re: no gifts but I know a lot of people (like us) don't listen to those notes anyway and we didn't want a bunch of 'stuff' so we set up a flight centre registry. Some people didn't give us anything and that was totally fine too. Most cash gifts were probably on the 'small' side which was prefect given that we asked for their presence only and pretty much everyone had to travel so that was enough!

[Beautiful Disaster]

We said no gifts as we asked them to pay for their meals if they were attending. We just had a casual lunch reception at a restaurant and only one or 2 didn't show and we still got gifts.

[nickle730]

in *my* opinion ppl tend to get their back up with wishing Wells because they're worried about being "judged" about the amount they can put in.

Honestly, I get my back up because I find it to be in exceptionally poor taste to tell your guests 'yeah, don't worry about a gift… we'll take your cash instead, thanks'. Just because something has become common place, and is accompanied by a sweet little poem, doesn't mean that it is not bad manners.