your opinions please

[Kitt3n]

Recently my DF was asked to be best man at the wedding of his best friend. I thought that was lovely, really like(d) these guys, was even contemplating them as potential godparents.
They have decided to have their wedding at an expensive country estate - whoa i thought, its a flashy show they are putting on!!
Then they gave us the pricelist for the hotel. We have to stay 2 nights with the dress rehersal on the day before. They did not offer to pay - its costing over $400 for the two nights.
Now, i thought to myself, if you are having a wedding and are going so far away to have it that prople cant get home and HAVE to stay at the estate, shouldnt you be covering the cost of the hotel for your bridal party? I dont expect them to cover the upgrade to a double room for myself and DD, but shouldnt they be at least offering for the best man?
Anyway, i let that slide, paid the deposit and waited to hear more.
I jokingly said to DF the otehr night, "they better not get you to pay for the hiring of the suits!!"
And guess what - they arent hiring them, they are having them made. And expect us to pay - it wasnt even an option for them to cover this cost.
Now come on, they are BOTH lawyers and earn around $100k EACH a year. We are nowhere near that!!!! I mean, who is??!! LOL
But, to me, if its your wedding and that is what you want, tehn go for it BUT you cover these costs dont you?
Do i say anything? I really want to !!!!!!!!!!!!!
thought i might just give them a card for the wedding and no gift, and write inside "Your presents are our presence".

[LisaBear]

that is insane!!!

i covered half the cost for my bridesmaids dresses and had althe alterations done for them, and we bought the men new shoes ans paid for all their suit hire!!!

for these people to invite you, then make you pay all these exorbitant costs is insane.
i would talk to them and asky why they are demnding al these high priced thigns...

i hope that you can sort it out!!!

[Erin_25]

I think if they choose something that is expensive & you know this but you insist on it then you should cover the costs...like staying somewhere flash or getting suits made.

Usually the bridesmaids & groomsmen will pay to hire the suits & buy their dresses. Well most I know, unless you are going over the top then you may want to cover half or so on. My bridesmaids bought their dresses (they will get plenty of use out of them), but I paid for hair, accomadation the night before, and they got earings & braclet to keep as a gift from me.

I would say something if it's getting way to exp. But if they are 2 lawyers earning over that amount, perhaps they are just into flash stuff & are not stopping to think others are not as well off IYKWIM.

[DoubleK]

wow, my best friend is getting married in march, she was just telling me last night that they plan to hire the guest house next door (sleeps 24ppl) and are also paying for motel rooms for other family members to stay in (they have about 3 8ppl rooms)

tho, they can very much afford to do this, and they are paying for all the costs associated with the bridal party..

i always thought it would be ok to ask your bridesmades to pay for their dress - or go halves, and not expect a present from them... same goes for the best man.. i guess some peopple are just different!!

[visitor1]

Whooooa!

Thats alot of money to have to be forking out on a weddin thats not even your own!! I would be saying something. I mean your doing the grrom a favour being a best man...so the least he can do is help with the costs associated with it.

[Kitt3n]

Thanks guys, but how do i approach them, diplomatically - what to say? do i call or email?
i am really bad with being diplomatic with something like this - if it was my frield i would be giving ot to them straight! but its his friend IYKWIM

[chubbycheeks]

then perhaps he should be the one to talk to them about it. be up front and honest about the financial burden it's going to be. they may not offer to front up any money, so perhaps you need to consider what then? will dh still want to be best man if he has to pay for everything?

[Kitt3n]

DF dosnt want to say anything!! he knows its wrong, but he doesnt want to "upset the peace" GGGRRRR
their wedding, all up, is costing us around $1500, money that we dont have, its all on credit!

[maddysmummy]

get him to do it as its his mate!! you dont wanna look like the crazy partner!!

i would tell them you cant afford it and its not reasonable prices they are suggesting!!

[Kitt3n]

LOl they already think i am a crazy partner, so dont really care bout that!!!
I just dont know how to say its proper ettiquette to pay for stuff if its what you want.... its so hard! DF wont say anything, its up to me

[maddysmummy]

LOl they already think i am a crazy partner, so dont really care bout that!!!

oh well then go for gold then!! if your the crazy partner you wont look much more crazier then!! LOL!!

[indie24]

I would definitely say something. That is a lot of money.

[Erin_25]

OMG, if that's what it's costing all up then I would say something. You could spend that money on so many other things you would need.

[Kitt3n]

i think ill just send an email saying

"hey guys, looks liek the wedding plans are coming along nicely.

but i just wanted to mention - we cant really cover the cost of both the hotel and the suit etc.... can you meet us half way?"

Still, half way is too much! lol - i wouldnt even spend that much on my own wedding dress, i just couldnt justify it.

[Erin_25]

Perhaps you could give DF some examples of where the money could better be spent, or as to go out & buy yourself a bag or something for a heap of money & see what he says. It his mate he should be man enough to say something, otherwise I would make him pay for it all on his CC or out of his account IYKWIM. If it's going to be a financial burden on you both then your DF should understand. Id rather just go as a guest, enjoy the day & not spend all that money. I would tell them that.

[Kitt3n]

lol, i would so much rather spend that kind of money on a weekend away for just the two of us!
but it is his best friend, would never tell him not to be part of the briday party. But I might make a rule - for every dollar that he spends on the wedding i get to go and spend the exact same dollar figure on myself? LOL what a shopping spree!!!!!

[Lulu]

Cat, it's going to be very hard to find the "etiquette" on refusing to comply with such a rude request.

I wouldn't even ask them to meet you half way on the accomodation. The suit thing is fricken ridiculous.
I would work the email "it's out of our budget right now - sorry". They can cough up the dough to have the BEST man stay.
Why do people do this - tell them to pull their heads out of their butts

[Kitt3n]

lol they couldnt, they are tight a**'s ha ha!
i think ill let it brew over the weekend and put together the best..... passive, yet demanding....words for an email
..... any suggestions for how to word it?