(my apologies if this is long...)

Hi Ladies,

I hope I am posting this is the right place. I have been around the bellybelly forums for a couple of years posting on and off, but I am new to this thread.

DH and I have been trying to get PG sporadically for the last few years - it has always followed the same cycle - me getting really excited about the idea of becoming PG, getting myself an FF account, charting, temping, etc (I'm a bit of a perfectionist!) only to become increasingly frustrated and by about the 4th or 5th cycle be so disillusioned and over it that I never want to look at a basal thermometer again!

Anyway in April we started again in earnest. Again, the same old pattern occured, but this time DH was the voice of reason and we decided to go and get some tests done as maybe it wasnt just 'me' being unable to read my body, which is what I always felt.

DH got a call from the doctor. She was insistent that we come in to get our test results.
We went in expecting some bad news but werent really ready to find out that my husband's sperm test had come back badly - he had none. Not one. Not even one.

I felt strangely okay about it until we got further info, as it seemed like there was a number of reasons this could happen, so we headed to Sydney IVF. Since then we've had more tests and after all that it has worked out okay. DH's sperm is being pushed into his bladder and coming out in his urine (sorry TMI). His last sperm test last week they managed to get out 12. Not 12 million. Just 12 little guys, 7 motile.

So now I am making my first appt to meet with the IVF nurse next week. I feel a bit scared about all the needles and having my hormones messed with. I feel scared that maybe hubbies 12 sperm are no good (they cant even check them with that few). I dont know how to lie to my work about needing to take time off. And I feel frustrated about all the wasted emotional effort of charting, and temping and praying and putting my feet up on the end of the bed to push the sperm in, and rubbing my stomach in anticipation, and checking my nipples to see if they looked darker - which was all useless, because there was no sperm.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the rant. Just needed to get it out. DH doesnt like me talking about it to any one, so thanks for being here to listen.

I guess I'd really love to know what to expect next. I will make the IVF appt this week to see the nurse. What should I expect? Are there any questions I should ask her in particular? Did those who are going through IVF take their partners to the first meet?

Thanks again,

Hellie