Thanks everyone for your words of support - much appreciated. Rationally I know that I'm not strange feeling how I feel, but emotional side of me just thinks that I'm a freak - so to know that others go through the same emotional pattern really helps. I tried to explain to dh last night how I was feeling, and I think he heard me but does not really understand as he does not have the same driving desire for a baby (boy thing). Plus we are doing IVF because of poor so I try and protect him a little bit when I feel really down as I dont want him to blame himself! My goodness, the mine fields we put ourselves through .

We did start to plan a holiday - in Oct - which while a little way away it should be something to look forward. We cant do much else right at the moment because we have lots of stuff going on at the farm and with work - i have to go to melbourne today for work and will be away for the next few nights.

Thanks everyone, and good luck with your journey