DH does not want to be there for the transfer : (

[nanananny]

My husband wasn't there for mine but I was fine with that as he had to work and I just popped over in my lunch time.

[butterfly_warrior]

I've had DH present at all four transfers... There was one point in time that he asked "Do I really have to be there?" and my answer to that was along the lines of hell, YES!

For me, it's about the emotional support. Having DH there helps keep me calm (very important with my FS!), and cope if things happen like the FS is running late (has happened twice now - over an hour late at one point in time).

At one transfer my FS was talking to me through the ID checks (particularly the part where the embryologist shows us our name on the culture), and it wasn't until later that I realised I hadn't seen our name so was starting to wonder if the embryo was ours - DH was able to confirm for us that it was indeed our embryo because he'd been there and able to pay attention.

I've also made several jokes about another man getting me pregnant (male FS), needing four people in the room for conception, about DH not even being in the same city when we conceived (he looked like having to go away for one FET transfer)... DH at least knows that when I'm mildly stressed about something I tend to make silly, flippant comments about them. We've come to an agreement - he'll always be there for transfer, but he doesn't necessarily need to take the whole day off like I do. Now, we usually travel in to the clinic in separate vehicles, then I go home or to acupuncture and he goes to work.

I think if you explain calmly and carefully your reasons for wanting him there then he will probably come around. I think a lot of our menfolk can feel terribly ignored and unnecessary through the whole IVF process... it's one of the reasons I like to give DH the job of preparing my lucrin injections - he can't do the jabs (he's too scared of hurting me to be able to do the injection), but he can at least participate and feel involved in some small way.

Good luck, FG, I hope you manage to come to a point where both you and DH are comfortable with the decision.

BW

[belle333]

Hi

My DH will probably not be there for the FET which I am really not worried about. I guess I am looking at the bigger picture because I know he's excited. I expect that it won't take long and can't be anywhere near as bad as my hellish EPU (yes if there is a next time i will be having a general).

DH was in the waiting room for that I did really want him to come in but afterwards I was in a lot of pain and cried for about half an hour - I had 26 eggs and it was like a shock to my body. Very sick afterwards. But you know what I'm glad he didn't come in for that he really didn't need to be a witness, it was awful.

You know there are no rules you can make your own.

[farmgirl77]

Thanks for the feedback. I think I'm feeling a little bit calmer now and a bit less stressed about him not actually being in the room - after all he is still taking the day of work and driving the 3 hrs with me to actually get to the transfer! But I will still raise it on the way down and explain how I feel - but I'm not going to get upset about it if he still says no as I was the other day.

BW - I had a similar strategy - DH started preparing the injections but then after seeing the bruises I gave myself, he decided he would do a far better job of it - and did...

belle333 - fingers crossed that there is not another need for a EPU!

Thanks everyone