I've had DH present at all four transfers... There was one point in time that he asked "Do I really have to be there?" and my answer to that was along the lines of hell, YES!

For me, it's about the emotional support. Having DH there helps keep me calm (very important with my FS!), and cope if things happen like the FS is running late (has happened twice now - over an hour late at one point in time).

At one transfer my FS was talking to me through the ID checks (particularly the part where the embryologist shows us our name on the culture), and it wasn't until later that I realised I hadn't seen our name so was starting to wonder if the embryo was ours - DH was able to confirm for us that it was indeed our embryo because he'd been there and able to pay attention.

I've also made several jokes about another man getting me pregnant (male FS), needing four people in the room for conception, about DH not even being in the same city when we conceived (he looked like having to go away for one FET transfer)... DH at least knows that when I'm mildly stressed about something I tend to make silly, flippant comments about them. We've come to an agreement - he'll always be there for transfer, but he doesn't necessarily need to take the whole day off like I do. Now, we usually travel in to the clinic in separate vehicles, then I go home or to acupuncture and he goes to work.

I think if you explain calmly and carefully your reasons for wanting him there then he will probably come around. I think a lot of our menfolk can feel terribly ignored and unnecessary through the whole IVF process... it's one of the reasons I like to give DH the job of preparing my lucrin injections - he can't do the jabs (he's too scared of hurting me to be able to do the injection), but he can at least participate and feel involved in some small way.

Good luck, FG, I hope you manage to come to a point where both you and DH are comfortable with the decision.

BW