I have days where I just can't get out of bed. Not many and they are very sporadic but disabling just the same. I stay at home and see no-one. Call in sick to work (who are very supportive).
I hate feeling like this though. It sucks.
I guess we do just need to be kind to ourselves. I'd never be this hard on a friend, so why do I do it to myself?
hun, sometimes you live on the edge emotionally, and all it takes is one unexpected thing to tip you over the edge. throughout this whole journey, i've had those "moments" where something completely random has tipped me over the edge into a three day depressive meltdown. just recently (start of this week) i went to the bank to deposit money, checked netbank next day and they hadn't credited to my account. now, it was fixed within a couple of minutes on the phone, but it was the tip of the iceberg and i had a complete meltdown - i just couldn't function without tears for the next day or so. it was horrible. and when i thought back on it, things like that have been what have torn me apart every time for the past four years or so! it's damn hard - you can build up a protective wall about the IVF stuff to a degree - you kinda know what to expect so you can harden your heart - but when something out of left field comes along, not only does THAT get you, but it starts a domino effect and ALL your walls fall down and everything becomes fresh and raw again until you can build your defences back up
don't be hard on yourself - yes, you made a mistake, yes, you have to sort it out - and yes, you fell apart - but it happens to everyone that has something they are trying to protect themselves from!
take care of yourself - things will work themselves out eventually.
Sue- you are right, being more gentle and less hard on ourselves is something to strive for!
BG- they way you explain it is so spot on...that's just it...the car thing happened, and the prospect of a big cost and suddenly all the other things (IVF, no baby etc) seemed just too much to bear as well...I guess you are right, my careful walls crashed.
Today, like you described, I am close to tears ALL the time and feel so fragile. Hopefully over the weekend I can start rebuilding those walls so things are more manageable again
Maybe over the weekend do something nice for yourself, like a massage or pedicure or something. I know it doesn't make it all better but just something to make you feel nice for a time.
Thanks Sue, DH and I are planning on going for a drive and a picnic one day, so that'll be nice
p.s. on the subject of me hitting a car....I have found that lately I have had a number of near misses in the car...all my fault, where I do silly things, like pull out in front of someone, and seem to have somehow NOT SEEN the other car. Things like that. I mentioned it to the psych and he said that when under such grief/stress etc, even though I THINK I am functioning well, I really am constantly a bit distracted, and not focussed well, and not really performing at my best. Can you ladies relate to that at all too?
I can relate to what your saying. Somedays you just shouldn't get out of bed.
I agree with the counsellor be kind to yourself. You are working through a lot at this time. You will be stronger in time. What one person can handle and what another can handle is a very different thing. It has nothing to do with if someone has it harder than you. Take it easy, take time to reflect on your feelings. They are real, and true for you. Don't be tough on yourself now, think what would I say to my best friend if they were going through this. And then put it into practice for yourself.
Im sorry also about the accident. I have done that too on a bad day. I can also share with you the expense of IVF and having an accident just puts more stress on you.
I hope things get better for you, just give yourself time and be kind to yourself.
You have been through such a tough time and yet still send encouragement to others on their journeys. You are an amazing women.
Everyone deals with stresses in their life differently and I think we have ALL had a meltdown in one way or another.
The IVF journey is very different than anything I have ever experienced. The emotions we experience are so varied, so many highs and lows. And then we have to cope with everything else going on around us in our lives. It is very hard to function "normally" when your concentration levels just arent there.
Glad you and DH are going out on the weekend. You need some time out away from the stresses.
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You are working through a lot at this time. You will be stronger in time. What one person can handle and what another can handle is a very different thing. It has nothing to do with if someone has it harder than you. Take it easy, take time to reflect on your feelings. They are real, and true for you. Don't be tough on yourself now, think what would I say to my best friend if they were going through this. And then put it into practice for yourself.
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