Persiatant is an excellent way to describe it j_girl, I have suffered for a similar length of time to you.

Months after month knowing what is in store for you & how you will feel is draining. The is no answer for how to deal with it, you just learn to cope. I have learnt to be kind to myself, my dh & not let it all get the better of me. I always remind myself that good things in all shapes & forms are only just around the corner.