Husband away for duration of first FET - should we go ahead?

[aliceinwonderland]

Hi everyone,

Firstly, lots of baby dust to everyone out there on this journey of ours!

I am in a bit of a quandary and am wondering what others would do in my situation. I am waiting for AF to begin after a failed cycle of IVF (my first). We have one frostie which all things being equal will be transferred in about six weeks.

DH has been offered a great job with a US company. Its a fantastic opportunity for him and we are both very excited about it. Problem is, he will be away for 4-6 weeks for training - all around the time of our FET and more than likely the duration of the TWW.

Would you wait until your DH was in the country before proceeding? No-one else in my circle knows we are doing IVF so part from him (and message boards!) I don't really have anyone to fall back on if it fails.

But I don't want to postpone it either. If it doesn't work, i want to get on the stim cycle bandwagon as soon as possible to make our dream come true as i am not getting any younger.

Would you postpone? Or would you go the FET alone?

Thanks for any input! DH and I are so confused..

Lily

(Me: 38, DH 35)

[Amie]

Hi Lily, sorry I don't have any practical experience to share with you. Hopefully some of the lovely BB LTTTC ladies/men can pop in and help you out.

I do think that the FET will be a little stressful as will the TWW, and if no-one else knows you're doing IVF you might feel a little isolated. My suggestion if you do go ahead would be to do something good and relaxing for yourself (and your IVF!) like acupuncture or massage every week, and that way you can chat a little bit to whoever you see. I know it's not the same as having your DH or a close friend there, but it might be a good outlet for you and you'd be safe knowing that they won't tell anyone!

Good luck xo

[BecE]

Hi Lily

It's how you both feel about it that counts. The transfer is easy enough, or was for me and the TWW is gonna be tough mentally no matter who is around you!

You both should have a sit down and decide if your prepared to wait that extra month or two and go from there.

Good Luck

[farmgirl77]

Hi Lily,
While not totally in your situation - i can emphasis with you. We are about to have our 2nd FET on Mon, and I'll be away from DH for most of the TWW due to having to stay in Melb for work. It is only our 3rd transfer and the first DH will not be with me.

Last FET, I flipped when DH did not want to come into the suite when the transfer took place - I really struggled, but this time I have no choice...work stuff has come up during the cycle and I have to be there.

So, despite my hissy fit last time, I'm remarkably calm about 'going it alone' for this transfer...I just want to have another go and am hoping for the BFP. As for the TWW without DH - my only saving grace is that I'll be busy with work, and I will see DH on the weekends. I'm not sure if it will be worse or better, but I guess that it will just be.

My biggest struggle will always be that I want DH there for what I see as the start of our baby (fingers crossed) - but reality is hard and it is just not going to happen this time. I'm taking better than I thought I would! I guess you just have to listen to yourself and figure out how you are going to cope. Maybe you could confide in a close friend and have him/her support you during the TWW if you go ahead with it.

Congrats to your DH on the new job. Good luck with whatever decision you make and wishing you a BFP.
FG

[lil_chookie]

For me I would want DH with me, we are a team and for him to be out of the country while we were cycling wouldn't work for me/us. I just wouldn't feel right with him so far away so i would prefer to wait a month or 2 so that he would be home. I wouldn't have a transfer without DH there, for us a transfer takes priority over any commitment work or otherwise. To be in this position we have had to be honest with our employees but the support we have recieved has been invaluable. My boss is fanstastic with anything IVF related.

For us when we look our embryos on the screen and then have them inserted we look at each other and share a moment and I guess not being able to concieve naturally this is our special moment to have with each other. I couldn't do it without him there and he wouldn't let me do it without him there, he likes to be a part of as much as he can.

Good Luck with making a decision.

[belle333]

Hey Lily

To be honest it wouldn't really bother me, DH didn't come with me when I had my FET yesterday. He went to work and I went to the clinic, then shopping (took the day off work) so I was quite happy with that arrangement. And I happened to buy a nice shirt and a scarf. Then I went home had a big lunch, watched Oprah and fell asleep on the lounge.

My appointment was 10am and DH jokingly said that he would have a cigarette at 10:30am. We try to keep things light and have a sense of humour about it all.

I will admit I was the only person without someone else present with me but I wasn't bothered by it at all. I know that my husband and my family love me, plus they sent me text messages in the morning and I like you and a lot of others haven't shared it with too many others that we are doing IVF. But you also have this site ......

Goodluck