Hey ladie's

So sorry its been awhile since i have made a post, but i have been in and out seeing how you are all going the whole time.

Since i posted last alot has happend, we moved town had another failed attempt of clomid/pregnyl, i got divorced, my partner now works away for 7 days and come's home for 7 days and my beautiful little girl started prep 2 weeks ago and i honestly can say i feel horrible, it feels like i am living on my own i miss my parnter terribly i go to bed crying and i wake up at like 3 in the morning just crying cos i miss him so much, when i wake up in the morning my eye's are that swollen from me crying all night. my little girl cry's for him as they are very close, the hardest day was chloe's first day of school she asked nathan why wasnt he coming home to take her to school, that just broke my heart Nathan felt horrible as well and he was going to take the day off work and travel nearly 5 hrs to come home and take her but we just cant afford it, which leads me to my next subject, i can honestly say that we wont be able to afford to do IVF for at least 2/3 yrs as we are so so so struggling just to pay our everyday bills and that breaks my heart as well, i dont want to wait i have been trying for baby number 2 for nearly 4 yrs now and we finally get the chance to do IVF and we cant afford it, for the last month i have cried that much about this but i dont want to complain to nathan about it as he is working so hard as it is, trying to keep our head above water i dont want to make him feel terrible about not being able to afford IVF, as it is he feels horrible cos of his low sperm count, motility and abnomalitiy, he blames himself for not being able to give me a baby, but i remind him that we both have problems ( haha we are a good match)

I am sorry that i am rambling on i am just so lonely and sad i have no one to talk to about this ( they wouldnt understand the desperation of wanting another child in which you have been through the test of times trying to concieve) just knowing that it could be 2/3 yrs before i can do IVF is just so frusturating
Thanks so much for allowing me to vent and cry ( again) i wish you could lose weight through crying cos god damn i would be skinny by now hahahah