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Thread: Just not sure what to do next...opinions welcome

  1. #1

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    Default Just not sure what to do next...opinions welcome

    Hi all, DH and I are currently taking a break from IVF, hoping for another natural miracle. We had thought we basically couldn't conceive naturally (I have only one damaged dodgy tube), but then of course we did last time, but the pregnancy didnt last.
    We had planned to resume IVF in june/july.
    However, I am now finding I want to resume straight away. I am currently 11dpo and don't think I am pregnant from this cycle (negative HPT today, and with the other pregnancies always tested positive by 11dpo).
    I feel scared of having another ectopic, as I am high risk for that, and also feel as though our chances of natural conception are still very slim, with just one damaged tube. Our natural conception could have been a one in a million chance. Therefore I feel a bit pessimistic about our chances and as though we are potentially wasting time. I feel so stuck and trapped in this process, and this limbo, that at least IVF seems like something more proactive to me, which reduces my risk of ectopic and also increases our chances of a pregnancy.
    On the negative, it's more money, which will place more strain on us right now. Also IVf has no guarantees obviously and is invasive and not fun. And DH would prefer to try naturally a bit longer, but will however support whatever decision I make.
    I am having trouble making a final decision. AF is due later this week, and I would then start the pill if I am going to go back to IVF.
    Any thoughts?


  2. #2

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    Emma my friend..hard decision...

    After my ruptured ectopic and with the chances of yet another one quite high, DH and I did try naturally for about 3 cycles with clomid. Mainly because DH didn't want to go straight into IVF which I completely understood at the time. We were married 2 months when I had the ectopic.

    After discussing it with our FS in more detail, when DH found out how high the risk of another ectopic was, and how close he was to losing me with our 1st pregnancy, we decided to move straight to IVF. We were just really so afraid of it happening again on top of the fact that I have the one tube, PCOS and endo.

    So for us the decision to start IVF was based not only on the fear of yet another ectopic but also because no matter what I tried, I just didn't ovulate and it became clear we wouldn't conceive without IVF.

    I understand you wanting to start IVF again straight away. I would want to as well. But in saying that, you did have the 'miracle pregnancy' with Hope.

    IVF for me, while I would NEVER choose it if it wasn't completely necessary, became a way of knowing I was in control of TTC. Trying naturally for us was getting us absolutely nowhere. I felt we were wasting time and emotional energy every month praying for a BFP.

    Have you asked your FS their honest opinion about what way you should go? Do you think emotionally you are ready to venture back into IVF now? After I lost my 2nd baby I emotionally couldn't imagine not going straight back for another cycle ASAP so I know everyone feels differently.

    Gee I hope I haven't confused you..just throwing some ideas and thoughts around.

    One good things is that DH will support you whatever you decide. I know whatever decision you make will be the right one for you.

    Always here if you need a chat..

    Hugs Bel

  3. #3

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    Thanks Bel, it does help to hear your point of view.
    We have been given different opinions by different FS with Sydney IVF. One says they wouldnt waste time and would resume IVF. Another says they'd give it 6 months naturally. And another says 3-4 months.
    I guess the fear of another ectopic is a big factor for me, and also the desire to be more in control of the TTC process, and to have a great chance at a pregnancy.
    I certainly see the view point that we CAN be pregnant naturally, but as the doctors also highlighted, my insides haven't changed, and there is no way of measuring how much chance we have of that natural conception occurring again.
    sigh.
    I wish I wasnt so indecisive..
    I send my best to you too Bel, I keep checking on your updates and am so glad you have come this far and your two little ones are doing well.

  4. #4

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    Hmmmm....I'd probably go straight into IVF myself then but I'm a bit of a control freak!!

    Thinking of you
    xxx

  5. #5

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    Thanks Bel, that is certainly what I am leaning towards at the moment.

  6. #6

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    Hi Emma, I can totally understand your dilimma atm and its so hard to decide isn't it? I guess ultimately its what you feel comfortable with...just one thing I want to point it out although I am no way expert on this, I think there is still risk of ectopic when doing IVF. I asked my FS about this sometime ago and thought its completelysafe with IVF, suppose they'd put it in the right place right, but they explain that embyo can move around after TF and it is still a risk IVF carries but I guess would be a lot lower than natural but I am not sure. Hope others might be able to give you a clear answer. Good luck hun on whatever you decide...

  7. #7

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    Thanks cuddlepie...yes there is that risk of an ectopic...in fact DHs cousin had that happen after an ivf cycle...but the way it was put to me, it is a MUCH lower risk than for us trying naturally.
    IVF is looking like the favoured option at the moment. DH and I are going to talk about it tonight

  8. #8

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    sounds like you've got a plan already. you know whats best. i too am impatient but i physically just exhausted myself without a break. also we are trying to get a buiding app done and new home loan and i figured stress would not help with IVF at the same time.
    it's so hard but in the end i suppose the reason you are doing this is because you didn't fall preg naturally in the first place.
    but then we have a friend who they tried for 3 years. had a mc then took 1 year to fall pg again and now 16 weeks pg. so who knows.

    big hugs that whatever you choose you get your forever baby soon xxooxx

  9. #9

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    I'm hearing you on the wanting to get straight back into it. I'm not patient at all and I really struggle with "having months off" because it hasn't been getting us anywhere! Bel hit the nail on the head

    Quote Originally Posted by Bel View Post
    Trying naturally for us was getting us absolutely nowhere.
    I'm always racing towards the next thing that seems to be the most proactive ... ie. the next change once we've given something a few goes ... but I'm also fearful we'll run out of options.

    I try to have faith in my body to conceive naturally ... DD & I were under the impression we were FERTILE, what with having DD and all !! Little did we know, we both have minor issues and while there doesn't seem to be any huge reason that we can't conceive naturally, it hasn't happened in the last 3.5 years of trying naturally (prior to FS and every "month off" that crops up!). I guess I'd be in for another round of IVF ... like Bel, I'm a control freak!

    Good luck with making the best decision. xoxo

  10. #10

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    Thanks on tra-k... I am pretty much the same and understand how you feel totally.

    DH and I talked about it all last night. I think the fact we had a natural pregnancy so recently is what raised our hopes, and DH still hopes we can get there naturally....but he appreciates how I feel, so i think it will be ONE more natural cycle, then IVF

    The cost is also quite a stressful issue for us at the moment, but we'll manage it!

  11. #11

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    Hi Possums,

    I don't have any answers for you but just wanted to say I am thinking of you and hope to hear some good news from you soon!

    Bun xx

  12. #12

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    Thanks Bun

    we are STILL weighing up the pros and cons...agonising over the decision...we need to just decide on a course of action and stick with it. Now we are back to thinking we'll go straight to IVF

  13. #13

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    Em,

    I have no advice for you hun other than to just do what feels right. As women our decisions can be harder to make around AF time too.
    Big monster hugs, I hope your dreams become reality, you have been through so much and deserve a bundle of oy in your arms.

    Much love
    Nae x

  14. #14

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    Good luck Possum!
    Is it really that high risk for someone to have a 2nd ectopic? I was told 20%? Now I am freakinf

  15. #15

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    thanks ladies

    teme- it depends on the state of your remaining tube. Mine is in quite bad shape, with adhesions etc, which means it would be easy for an egg to get stuck in there! It also reduces our chances of falling pregnant in the first place, as apparently my tube is a bit 'clubbed down' at the opening, making it harder for an egg to get into it...and of course, I only have the one. So for me, the decisionto return to IVF is based on both those factors...and I guess is why my Ob referred me to IVF in the first place.
    I hope you have success soon.

  16. #16

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    hi emma - i hope you're doing ok and i'm always checking up on you. in the end, i was really pleased with the decision to go to ivf (we were an "unexplained" case, so plenty of indecision about whether we should just "keep trying"). i actually didn't find ivf too tough - and quite liked knowing all the milestones and when everything was happening, rather than the unknown of trying naturally each month.
    go with your gut instinct - but for me, i don't regret going to ivf nor did i feel we opted for it too early (nearly 2 years).
    good luck - always thinking of you.
    mel xx

  17. #17

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    Mel, thanks very much for saying that. I hope all is going well with you

    well, I have started on the pill, so officially into another IVF cycle...and I do feel pleased to be doing something more proactive

  18. #18

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    Possums - I didn't know you had started your next cycle - congratulations. I know it must be exciting and scary at the same time - I have so much hope for you now that you have a diagnosis.

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