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Thread: Long Term TTC & Assisted Conception#3 - April 07

  1. #91

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    My day just gets better and better... phone call from my mother!

    Now, the background so that this makes sense - I come from a very large, very Dutch family - think loud, lots of food, lots of gossip. And every single damn one of them (mum has 4 sisters and one brother) has conceived easily... Except mum's brother's wife who has PCOS and went through the whole AC thing about 20 years ago. I'd been keeping in touch with my aunt via email lately - as she's the one person in the family who can actually sorta understand what we're going through here. I hadn't got around to calling mum since shortly after the EPU. The majority of said family all live in Newcastle, so there are often big family dinners that I never even know about until afterwards, and there was one such dinner last weekend... at which point my aunt told my mum about our 4 snowbubs. Now, I'm fine with that, I was going to call mum eventually and let her know sooner or later... but now I'm convinced that the whole damn extended family knows about us doing IVF - this is so NOT what I wanted! Yes, I have told a lot of people, because I feel that support is needed... but the control over who knows and who knows what is the one little bit of control that you actually have in this process, and now I'm feeling like that's all been snatched away from me. And next time I see the whole extended family if I'm NOT pregnant, they're ALL going to be all "poor little BW" over me... I just can't face that! Particularly as the next time I see them all is likely to be Christmas and if I'm not pregnant by then, I'm SO not going to be in the mood to face it all! It's not as if Christmas isn't hard enough anyway without that!

    I feel like I'm playing whack-a-mole with the anxiety issues at the moment - no sooner do you get one thing sorted out, then another pops up. I just can't win!

    BW


  2. #92

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    Oh BW, sending you lots of hugs

    Summer, I don't know about getting the bloods done before then, the letter says the test needs to be repeated in a month, and the Dr also wrote "Mid May" on the blood forms.

    Nic

  3. #93

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    BW...hang in there girl...I didn't do Christmas last year as my brother announced he 'had accidentally' got his girlfriend pregnant...I LOST IT...so stayed home...DH and I had the best Chrissy ever! Self preservation is the only way to go...say what you need to say and do what you need to do...coz believe me...everyone else does!!!! Take care hun...lots of hugs x

  4. #94

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    Hi BW - things haven't gone too well today! Hope they look up for the weekend. Anxiety is a tough companion sometimes.

    (I am also from a dutch family - i understand - )
    DH and i lost 'control' over what we considered to be very personal information to do with our infertility, and for this reason, sadly, we decided that we could tell no-one about our journey anymore. Certain people (on both sides of the family) decided that our infertility and the steps we were taking was 'news' to be discussed and gossiped over freely.
    I miss the support that family might have provided, but in the long run - for us- this will be the right choice. I hope that you can continue to receive support and help from your family.

  5. #95

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    Hi everyone!
    Transfer will be in approximately 11hours from now, not that I'm counting! I can't wait to have those two little souls inside me to take care of...... hurry up tomorrow! I am a bit nervous though about how many have made it to blast and am terrified of the TWW and finding out results. OMG I am soooo scared of how I will feel if it doesnt work again.
    I understand about families and personal info getting around. I didnt tell my family until after our 3rd stim cycle and my mum decided to tell her 4 sisters and 3 brothers and all their partners "just so noone says anything to upset you if they are aware". gee thanks mum, did you get a billboard too?
    Hope everyone is going ok.
    Lou with feeling so bad, poor thing.
    Sonya, hope your meds start working,
    Ellie, hope you are surviving the TWW
    BG horray for the lymph results!!!!! and Yay on the good attitude!
    Hi to everyone else, sorry too many of us in here. Lets get a few more BFP so we can move in here again!
    Hugs, Sazz

  6. #96

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    In the end I called mum back last night. She said it was a quiet conversation between her and the aunt and uncle that know. Nobody else was around. Yeah, right - the whole idea of my mum and quiet just doesn't fit.

    Then she got all freaked out because I was in a state when I called her, and started to do her usual sulking thing about being accused of doing the wrong thing. She even tried to tell me that if the rest of the family know they would be sympathetic. I do not want pity! Because quite simply they just won't understand and will say the wrong thing. I tried to explain to mum about the anxiety disorder... and she just kept telling me to stop stressing - like I can help it! Certainly, I'll just stop worrying about things because I've been told not to, she just doesn't get that it doesn't work that way, and I can't really help what happens when something triggers an anxiety episode. I'm still running through what the FS talked about... Does it matter now? Will it matter in XXX amount of time? Am I imagining the worst? What can I do to find out the truth? Can I give this problem to DH and take it off my plate? Running myself through those questions is helping - and it usually gets me to take some sort of positive action towards resolving the problem that has arisen... but if my mother just doesn't get it, things are going to be... interesting... where she is concerned.

    I suspect I also have some news on the letrozole front... I'm starting to feel twinges and niggles in my ovaries! I think it may actually work! Although, last night's OPK was completely blank, so I still have my doubts. I just can't help myself - I'm temping, checking CM, using OPKs... if I'm going to ovulate, it's not going to sneak by me!

    BW

  7. #97

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    BW - glad you talked it through with your mum - even if it wasn't super prodcutive - at least you've been able to make it clear that you don't want the whole famly knowing. this is a very private journey for you and DH and you should be able to discuss it with people on your terms.

    as for the anxiety issues - to be completely honest, i don't think there are too many people anywhere that haven't had the issues themselves that understand what it's like. until i started suffering from them, i had no idea how crippling they coule be, and how little control i had over the whole situation!i can only hope that one day your family comes to understand this - and if not, it sounds like your DH is really supportive, and us BB girls will be here 110% for you!!

  8. #98

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    If i was paid a $1 for everytime I heard stop stressing, as BG said it just doesnt work like that as you already know. People dont have any idea. Some people say they understand but have no idea. How can you explain to someone that one minute your fine, the next you are feeling like you cant breathe, are going to die and cant do anything to stop the feeling no matter what you try.
    Just take each part of the day as little bits to get through. Thats the only way im getting through things at the moment, Make it to this time, lunch time and then work on. I slept for about 9 hours last night and still worn out. I stopped talking the metformin last night, DH is mad but then came around when I explained I just dont feel right. I HATE feeling like this, this is no quality of life, having the effects of metformin and anxiety, I want to enjoy life.

  9. #99

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    it's only a few days til you see the FS again hun, and definitely better to have you feeling physically ok than to go on taking a medication that is making you feel so bad that you're not enjoying life!

    i'm so glad i'm not the only person that works on small incrememnts - an average day at work is broken up into sessions of less than an hour just so that i can get by!

  10. #100

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    Thanks BG and Sazz, was hoping someone would reply to my post. felling very confused and worried and am in need of a little support at the moment

  11. #101

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    we're always here to support you Lou! we all have times when we're here to support each other, and times when we have to draw as much support from each other as possible - this is your turn to take and i'm happy to be the giver!!!

    take care hun!

  12. #102

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    Sazz - Loads of good luck and +++vibes for the TF.

    Lou - a colonoscopy on tuesday - that sounds daunting, but great that your doc's prepared to book you in and not wait longer - leaving you in discomfort and also in a state of worrying. I hope the results are speedy and clear. Waiting is not a nice place to be. I will be thinking of you.

    SS - sorry that things haven't been great. I really hope that the sun in your life comes back soon.

    BG - you are just a trooper at the moment and seem to be great - i hope that you are doing fine ATM. Having visitors can be a doubled edged sword - but hopefully they are taking your mind off things and making time fly.

    I screwed up my first jab - and ended up on the phone to the nurses in a mini panic. The 9 & 1/2 minutes waiting for them to pick up didn't calm me down at all either. DH was playing with the pen last night and i blame him totally!!!! I ended up taking a second shot and it went perfectly, so all is well that ends well. I may have doubled dosed, but i really truely doubt it.

    Hope everyone has a great weekend. There are a lot of you in my thoughts.
    Jo

  13. #103

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    grrrrr at dh's curiosity jo!!! that would have been very frustrating, especially the wait!

    sazz, how'd things go? fingers crossed for you!

    weekend going ok so far. visitors have decided to stay tonite again - have gobe home to get more clothes. left the older two kids here, so aunty bg has been finding things for the to do. bro and sil are going to the local rodeo tonite - will take the kids for a little while, but rest of the night i'll be looking after the kidlets. is much easier when mummy and daddy aren't around. aunty bg's rules stand - they can't go and ask their folks to change the rules!

    was asked earlier if having someone elses kids around changed my mind about the ttc journey at all - not a chance! admittedly, i'm happy when they go home, but that's cos they don'y LIVE here so they don't have all their own toys and things and tend to get a bit bored after a couple of days - if they were our kidlets it would be heaps different! if anything, having them around makes me want a family of my own even more - love my bro's family, but i have to give them back... i want one of my own!!!!

    still feeling decidedly positive (albeit very tired) today - had a few quiet ****tails last night and it was great to be able to have a nice relaxing night. Bro and SIL asked a couple of questions about what was happening, and it was nice to share with them. they volunteered their middle child as a keeper for us - but no thanks - i want a newborn we can corrupt in our own image!!! middle kid is already five...

    looking forward to thursday's FS appointment - just want to get the ball rolling again while i'm still enthusiastic about it all iykwim? i don't care if we have to move to IVF - i just want to KNOW what we're going to do! (heheheh - not that i'm an impatient control freak or anything!!)

  14. #104

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    Lou - Lots of hugs for you Will be thinking of you next week.

    BG - Hope you have a fun filled weekend!

    Sazz - Hope you are resting up this arvo and being taken care of

    Nic

  15. #105

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    Hi Girls
    Just a quick one as I'm getting ready for my friends wedding...have spent the morning setting it up...talk about pressure!!!! Just got my blood results...e2=2900 p4=120...nurse said it looks really good...and even better...they are going to do my beta next Saturday! YIPPEE! Only 7 more sleeps!!!!!

  16. #106

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    that's great news ellie! good luck (and enjoy the wedding hun!)

  17. #107

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    Angry

    [B]MY BODY CAN GO TAKE A HIKE!!![B]

    had my blood test this morning to see if upped dose of Puregon is working. Bad news!! after 7 days of 100IU and 4 days of 150IU my oestregen levels are only 540!!!!!
    Apparently i need my levels to be 600-800 PER FOLLICLE!

    so now FS wants me to come in for ultrasound on Monday to see whats happening in there. crossed fingers a little miracle happens over my next two injections and i miraculously makes lots of follicles!!!

    This is SOOOOO frustrating. why o why does my body not do as it is told!!!!!

    Sorry for all the anger, feel like i have got some off of my chest. cant really talk to DH as he isnt the sort to understand why i get worked up. he thinks positive all the time, but i feel like i am letting us down and i cant even control it. maybe i just need to have a good cry to cleanse my emotions. its been a few months since my last teary session.

  18. #108

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    I'm sorry, Sonya. I really don't know what else to say... I know it's frustrating, but at least they are avoiding giving you too much and having you jump straight from no response to an over response. The scan will be a good idea, it will tell them exactly what's going on and hopefully give you a plan ahead that you can have confidence in.

    A very lazy, sleepy day here... still in pjs, and loving it! BG, you did realise I was just mucking around and joking, didn't you?

    BW

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