Mildez-glad you can join us looks like a few of us are heading down the ivf road and if you need to talk about your shift i think here is as good a place as any to talk about it we are here for each other and we all have had a loss i know for me i need to bring it up from time to time just mentioning Abbi's name keeps her real to me but in saying that you talk about it where you feel most comfortable.
Sevie-sorry i didnt reply to your post in my last post i must have missed it being a midwife must be hard and i know how you are feeling to have lost a bub and now facing ovarian failure that is my concern my FSH level is at the high end of normal which worries the hell out of me my last FS said as i have loads of follies and i responded really well to a low dose of puregon (for those who don't know we did a PGD ivf cycle for genetic reasons only) and she said my fertility and my DH's is fine and we should have no problem getting pregnant and she said i wont hit the big M for another 15 years but here we are still not pregnant and my Naturopath said your FSH needs to be below 8 to fall pregnant mine was 8 the first month and then 10.5 the next i have read plenty of women who have fallen pregnant with way higher FSH levels but it is still in the back of my head that my level is a sign of DOR even though my ovaries are not showing any signs they are still full of follies i just worry why is my FSH a little high i am taking natural herbs to try and help it and i am terrified of having it retested because what if they tell me it is higher again.
Sorry i am rambling i guess i am trying to reasure myself that i am still fertile.
MurryCod - thanks again for sending me the link to this thread and glad you are feeling somewhat 'lighter' today There's not much left to be shy about when IVF is concerned!! Ah it's good to be here!
Hi Porsche, Sunbeam, Crafty, Ferrals, Mildez from the other thread - lovely to have you all here
Sevie - I can't imagine how hard that would be. How are you today? I can't find any of the little icons but wanted to give you a cyber hug.
Sunbeam - I know that feeling of what will life be like if I never have kids and that life will be pointless without them. Over the years I've slowly come to terms with that as best that I can. I have close relationships with my friends children and I have taken steps in the last year to return to making art again after a very long break. We plan overseas trips (not that we've been for a while) and we have been considering fostering for a very long time. Adoption just seems too hard after so much waiting already and we are probably too old now anyway. I will always feel grief over the years of fertility I lost and for the baby who couldn't stay with us. But it gets easier in the sense that you come to some peace with it. I hope you don't have to come to peace with it - I hope you can have your babies. I have avoided, then given in, then given away, baby things over the years. I hope yours will come back to you xx
Most of you know my story, and it's a long one of 9 years TTC so don't blame you for not reading anymore but here goes anyway: At 32 DH and I decided we wanted to have kids. I had three ovarian cysts removed prior to that, the last one at 30, but was told both tubes were clear, and there were no signs of endo. We tried for a year unsuccessfully before seeing an FS who sent us for tests - my hormones levels were all fine so he recommended we try for another 6 months. Not long after that I was having a lot of pain and discomfort and I knew something wasn't right but my GP thought I was just anxious about TTC so wouldn't send me for any more tests. Eventually I couldn't get out of bed and saw a different GP who admitted me straight to hospital.
Long story short - I was diagnosed with severe endo and another six months later had two big operations during which time I lost one tube, the other is damaged with adhesions, and one ovary had a massive endo cyst in it. It took me six months to recover from the ops during which time my BIL suicided and two days after the funeral on his way to work my DH was bashed and hospitalised and had to be off work for 12 weeks (one of his atttackers is in prison for robbery in company causing grievous bodily harm)(he is lucky to be alive). It took us 18 months to get through the court case for his bashing and inquest into his brothers death so by the time we started IVF I was 37. We got 5 day 5 blasties from 6 eggs but none of them took (I had 3 transfers from that cycle over 1 year). Our second IVF we got 3 day 5 blasties and had 2 transfers over 6 months and none of them took, by which time I was 39. I had another operation for an ovarian cyst and was told I was looking at having a hysterectomy. I was devastated as it was the week before my 40th birthday. That week my brother rang to say his partner (44) had fallen pregnant on their first go at IVF. I was crushed. Took me six months to pick myself up and face another go at IVF but the cycle got canceled because I was sick and not responding well.
Finally last August my FS sent me for the NK biopsy, a whole lot of blood tests for lupus etc and they came back with elevated levels. Why didn't we do these tests earlier? He recommended I go on DHEA to see if it improved my egg numbers and we did that for three months before starting our last IVF in November last year. I ended up getting sick at the beginning of it with bronchitis but turns out that was a blessing because the antibiotics I took probably are one of the reasons we got a call before Christmas saying we got our BFP! We were stunned - and ecstatic - but sadly we lost the bub at 8 weeks. So here we are now, trying one last time (again). I'm doing some TCM and acupuncture again (figure it can only help) and we are hoping to do our final attempt at IVF in June. I am feeling positive and hopeful and trying to just take one day at a time.
Being with you all here, has been the best thing that has happened to me in this whole painful journey. I have finally found somewhere that others understand some of ups and downs of TTC when all the odds seem set against you. So thank you so much and looking forward to sharing our experiences on this new thread xx Jacqui (Alice is the name we gave our little one)
A great thread, and i myself would have used it after so many losses TTC, Alice i will be following your journey and wish you the very best with your next cycle, did you use clexane or prednislone wiith your last BFP?
Ferrals- arrr my sweet so good to hear from you again I have been thinking of you since you left and longing to hear from someone you email that you are UTD. Now I'll get to hear it first hand I'm with you, it was great on the other thread but this far along I feel we are all in a differnet place on our journey.
Murrycod - I know I should feel better about IVF but I have seen the heartaching ups and down of you and ferrals and others and it seems so long winded and so many stages where things can go wrong. I will definitley be getting the NK biopsy before I start IVF. Thanks for no sugar coating, after 4 pgs I think I am pretty cluey to what I feel before a BFP. Had a few cervix niggles but no sore boobs which has always been my best sign. Won't POAS till sunday when I go for breakfast with Donor daddy.
I am in awe of the midwives on this site, I have no idea how hard it must be to hand people thier beautiful new babies day in and day out when it is all you long for yourselves. I am also so over stories of people having babies they did not really want or deserve like the women I hear of yesterday who has managed 3 more kids even sice she got hooked on heroin!!!
Hi to all the ladies I have not yet got to meet. For those who don't know me I'm gay and single. I started this journey Feb. 06 started temping and taking vitamins as an ex boyfreind of mine (was straight once!) had agreed to be my donor. In the Aug. he backed out, not ready to be a dad. I was devasteted he is my best freind and I could think of no one better to be my baby's dad. We remain best freinds(we are going out for dinner tonight) but I took 6 months before I could even think about looking for someone else. A few months later a gay friend of mine agreed and we got to the testing stage only to find out he was HIV+ and did not know. After supporting him through this I enlisted my freinds help and got them to pretty much ask any guy they met if he wanted to be a dad then in Nov. 07 Donor Daddy organised my freind's car loan and the rest is history. We did home insems. from Feb. 08 till Oct. 09 and had 2 pgs and mc both at 7 weeks on Anzac day a year apart. We are now on IUI 5 and have had 1 chem. pg and a pg where nothing actually developed which I'm still a bit confused by. We have one more IUI then will probably move to IVF.
My body id being cruel to me my temp rose again today it dropped to 36.6 on 8dpo then went to 36.66 at 9dpo and now 10dpo it is 36.71 usually it just keeps going down from 9dpo unti AF turns up.
Otherwise i feel nothing nada zip zero zilch.
How you going murrycod hope your hanging in there not to long now are you going to poas at all before your BT or are you going to stick it out and be strong?
I thought i'd better do what sunbeam and alice did and just give the ladies that do know me a quick run down on why i am here.
Basicly i have always been fertile my whole life with my ex husband i fell pregnant 5 times resulting in 3 boys who are the reason for me walking this earth after my marriage failed i met the love of my life and my soulmate who i am crazy about he has one daughter he rarely gets to see (we are fighting it out in court) so we decided to have one baby together and after 20 weeks of trying with no aid's other than a maybe baby i fell pregnant with our daughter Abbi but after U/S and many many speacialists and professors they all agreed she was not viable with life (there terms) so we had a choice to end the pregnancy at 19 weeks 5 days or continue and she would die at birth we decided to do the kindest thing for our girl and not prolong it.
After a few months all the autopsy and genetic tests came back Abbi had smith lemli opitz syndrome and my DH and i were carriers for it we have a 1 in 4 chance of every baby being effected so we tried a cycle of PGD IVF to test our embryos we ended up with one embryo suitable for testing the others were a grade 3 and fine for ivf but not for the pgd test our one embryo was affected so we couldnt use it and after a cost of $14,000 we could not afford to do anymore PGD so we decided to take the risk and try naturally and get the baby tested at 11-12 weeks but unfortunately we have been unable to fall pregnant and there is no reason other than age or maybe my FSH level being a tad high but i was told it wouldnt effect getting pregnant just yet or hubby's great sperm he has super sperm but in our ivf cycle a lot of our embryos fragmented and that was due to DNA damage from the sperm because of diet lifestye so we are about to see a new FS and find out what is going on.
So that is my story in a nutshell i better get my kids off to school i will be back later.
Wow, even though I have known you girls for a while now, and known all of your stories of heartbreak and bits of happiness in between, it really hits home, to read your stories again. I guess somewhene in this whole TTC journey we are in, we get so obsessed with eachothers 'symptoms' and 'cycle days' that I guess, it's just nice to have a reminder that there have been some seriously tough times in our lives, and we are very fragile girls.
My story feels a little insignificant to reading the others, yes my history of TTC hurts just as much as anything, but really getting to know you girls, has given me grace to move forward and keep trying, even after so many years.
I have at the top of my sig, TTC since 2005, but actually that's wrong.
When I was 21, I got married to my highschool sweetheart of 7 years, and was trying to have a baby then. ( months after we were married I found he was having an affair so the marriage ended.
I guess you could say that I have not used any sort of contraceptive for 10 years now, and still nothing has happened.
It wasn't untill I met the love of my Life, my now DH, we became seriouse about trying to have a family, so we looked into seeing a FS. We have always been told 'There is nothing wrong', 'We can't find anything' 'You are perfectly healthy'.
My DH and I got married last year in January, and a month later I realised I had missed my period. Much to our suprise, the best wedding gift ever, we found out we were having a baby! The excitement was short lived, the one day I will always try to forget, but never will, is the day we lost our preciouse miracle at 8wks.
I miscarried naturally, and have desperately tried to be pregnant again, to no avail.
Each month that goes by, seems to hurt more than the one before. The anguish becomes stronger, more friends of ours are now onto their second cildren, I hate it.
I feel as though I have turned into a grumpy barron old horse at the age now of 30, and shy away from children when I can. And that is not me.
So after many pointless visits to FS, 3 failed attempts at IUI, we moved onto IVF in Adelaide with Repromed.
After our 1st failed cycle, I was diagnosed with NKcells in my uterus, and am now in the middle of a dreaded TWW on my 2nd Cycle.
I feel crampy, quietly disheartened, and don't feel as though it has taken.
I just don't see how anything can survive the AF cramping I have had, since ET.
I know I had 27 eggies removed only 1 week ago, and that has to still hurt yes, but cramping just aint a good sign for me, never has been XX
Awww hun cramping is a sign of either AF or pregnancy i get exactly the same when i am pregnant i always feel like AF is comming it is when i get the heavy dragging insides that feel like i have just BD for hours that i know its AF but you and i both know those horrible pesseries don't help i cramped heaps more than AF pain and i didnt even have a TF don't drop your bundle just yet that is my job.
There's not much left to be shy about when IVF is concerned!! Ah it's good to be here!
I'm with you, it was great on the other thread but this far along I feel we are all in a differnet place on our journey.
then in Nov. 07 Donor Daddy organised my freind's car loan and the rest is history. We did home insems. from Feb. 08 till Oct. 09 and had 2 pgs and mc both at 7 weeks on Anzac day a year apart. We are now on IUI 5 and have had 1 chem. pg and a pg where nothing actually developed which I'm still a bit confused by. We have one more IUI then will probably move to IVF.
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