MurryCod - thanks again for sending me the link to this thread and glad you are feeling somewhat 'lighter' today There's not much left to be shy about when IVF is concerned!! Ah it's good to be here!
Hi Porsche, Sunbeam, Crafty, Ferrals, Mildez from the other thread - lovely to have you all here
Sevie - I can't imagine how hard that would be. How are you today? I can't find any of the little icons but wanted to give you a cyber hug.
Sunbeam - I know that feeling of what will life be like if I never have kids and that life will be pointless without them. Over the years I've slowly come to terms with that as best that I can. I have close relationships with my friends children and I have taken steps in the last year to return to making art again after a very long break. We plan overseas trips (not that we've been for a while) and we have been considering fostering for a very long time. Adoption just seems too hard after so much waiting already and we are probably too old now anyway. I will always feel grief over the years of fertility I lost and for the baby who couldn't stay with us. But it gets easier in the sense that you come to some peace with it. I hope you don't have to come to peace with it - I hope you can have your babies. I have avoided, then given in, then given away, baby things over the years. I hope yours will come back to you xx
Most of you know my story, and it's a long one of 9 years TTC so don't blame you for not reading anymore but here goes anyway: At 32 DH and I decided we wanted to have kids. I had three ovarian cysts removed prior to that, the last one at 30, but was told both tubes were clear, and there were no signs of endo. We tried for a year unsuccessfully before seeing an FS who sent us for tests - my hormones levels were all fine so he recommended we try for another 6 months. Not long after that I was having a lot of pain and discomfort and I knew something wasn't right but my GP thought I was just anxious about TTC so wouldn't send me for any more tests. Eventually I couldn't get out of bed and saw a different GP who admitted me straight to hospital.
Long story short - I was diagnosed with severe endo and another six months later had two big operations during which time I lost one tube, the other is damaged with adhesions, and one ovary had a massive endo cyst in it. It took me six months to recover from the ops during which time my BIL suicided and two days after the funeral on his way to work my DH was bashed and hospitalised and had to be off work for 12 weeks (one of his atttackers is in prison for robbery in company causing grievous bodily harm)(he is lucky to be alive). It took us 18 months to get through the court case for his bashing and inquest into his brothers death so by the time we started IVF I was 37. We got 5 day 5 blasties from 6 eggs but none of them took (I had 3 transfers from that cycle over 1 year). Our second IVF we got 3 day 5 blasties and had 2 transfers over 6 months and none of them took, by which time I was 39. I had another operation for an ovarian cyst and was told I was looking at having a hysterectomy. I was devastated as it was the week before my 40th birthday. That week my brother rang to say his partner (44) had fallen pregnant on their first go at IVF. I was crushed. Took me six months to pick myself up and face another go at IVF but the cycle got canceled because I was sick and not responding well.
Finally last August my FS sent me for the NK biopsy, a whole lot of blood tests for lupus etc and they came back with elevated levels. Why didn't we do these tests earlier? He recommended I go on DHEA to see if it improved my egg numbers and we did that for three months before starting our last IVF in November last year. I ended up getting sick at the beginning of it with bronchitis but turns out that was a blessing because the antibiotics I took probably are one of the reasons we got a call before Christmas saying we got our BFP! We were stunned - and ecstatic - but sadly we lost the bub at 8 weeks. So here we are now, trying one last time (again). I'm doing some TCM and acupuncture again (figure it can only help) and we are hoping to do our final attempt at IVF in June. I am feeling positive and hopeful and trying to just take one day at a time.
Being with you all here, has been the best thing that has happened to me in this whole painful journey. I have finally found somewhere that others understand some of ups and downs of TTC when all the odds seem set against you. So thank you so much and looking forward to sharing our experiences on this new thread xx Jacqui (Alice is the name we gave our little one)
A great thread, and i myself would have used it after so many losses TTC, Alice i will be following your journey and wish you the very best with your next cycle, did you use clexane or prednislone wiith your last BFP?
Ferrals- arrr my sweet so good to hear from you again I have been thinking of you since you left and longing to hear from someone you email that you are UTD. Now I'll get to hear it first hand I'm with you, it was great on the other thread but this far along I feel we are all in a differnet place on our journey.
Murrycod - I know I should feel better about IVF but I have seen the heartaching ups and down of you and ferrals and others and it seems so long winded and so many stages where things can go wrong. I will definitley be getting the NK biopsy before I start IVF. Thanks for no sugar coating, after 4 pgs I think I am pretty cluey to what I feel before a BFP. Had a few cervix niggles but no sore boobs which has always been my best sign. Won't POAS till sunday when I go for breakfast with Donor daddy.
I am in awe of the midwives on this site, I have no idea how hard it must be to hand people thier beautiful new babies day in and day out when it is all you long for yourselves. I am also so over stories of people having babies they did not really want or deserve like the women I hear of yesterday who has managed 3 more kids even sice she got hooked on heroin!!!
Hi to all the ladies I have not yet got to meet. For those who don't know me I'm gay and single. I started this journey Feb. 06 started temping and taking vitamins as an ex boyfreind of mine (was straight once!) had agreed to be my donor. In the Aug. he backed out, not ready to be a dad. I was devasteted he is my best freind and I could think of no one better to be my baby's dad. We remain best freinds(we are going out for dinner tonight) but I took 6 months before I could even think about looking for someone else. A few months later a gay friend of mine agreed and we got to the testing stage only to find out he was HIV+ and did not know. After supporting him through this I enlisted my freinds help and got them to pretty much ask any guy they met if he wanted to be a dad then in Nov. 07 Donor Daddy organised my freind's car loan and the rest is history. We did home insems. from Feb. 08 till Oct. 09 and had 2 pgs and mc both at 7 weeks on Anzac day a year apart. We are now on IUI 5 and have had 1 chem. pg and a pg where nothing actually developed which I'm still a bit confused by. We have one more IUI then will probably move to IVF.
My body id being cruel to me my temp rose again today it dropped to 36.6 on 8dpo then went to 36.66 at 9dpo and now 10dpo it is 36.71 usually it just keeps going down from 9dpo unti AF turns up.
Otherwise i feel nothing nada zip zero zilch.
How you going murrycod hope your hanging in there not to long now are you going to poas at all before your BT or are you going to stick it out and be strong?
I thought i'd better do what sunbeam and alice did and just give the ladies that do know me a quick run down on why i am here.
Basicly i have always been fertile my whole life with my ex husband i fell pregnant 5 times resulting in 3 boys who are the reason for me walking this earth after my marriage failed i met the love of my life and my soulmate who i am crazy about he has one daughter he rarely gets to see (we are fighting it out in court) so we decided to have one baby together and after 20 weeks of trying with no aid's other than a maybe baby i fell pregnant with our daughter Abbi but after U/S and many many speacialists and professors they all agreed she was not viable with life (there terms) so we had a choice to end the pregnancy at 19 weeks 5 days or continue and she would die at birth we decided to do the kindest thing for our girl and not prolong it.
After a few months all the autopsy and genetic tests came back Abbi had smith lemli opitz syndrome and my DH and i were carriers for it we have a 1 in 4 chance of every baby being effected so we tried a cycle of PGD IVF to test our embryos we ended up with one embryo suitable for testing the others were a grade 3 and fine for ivf but not for the pgd test our one embryo was affected so we couldnt use it and after a cost of $14,000 we could not afford to do anymore PGD so we decided to take the risk and try naturally and get the baby tested at 11-12 weeks but unfortunately we have been unable to fall pregnant and there is no reason other than age or maybe my FSH level being a tad high but i was told it wouldnt effect getting pregnant just yet or hubby's great sperm he has super sperm but in our ivf cycle a lot of our embryos fragmented and that was due to DNA damage from the sperm because of diet lifestye so we are about to see a new FS and find out what is going on.
So that is my story in a nutshell i better get my kids off to school i will be back later.
Wow, even though I have known you girls for a while now, and known all of your stories of heartbreak and bits of happiness in between, it really hits home, to read your stories again. I guess somewhene in this whole TTC journey we are in, we get so obsessed with eachothers 'symptoms' and 'cycle days' that I guess, it's just nice to have a reminder that there have been some seriously tough times in our lives, and we are very fragile girls.
My story feels a little insignificant to reading the others, yes my history of TTC hurts just as much as anything, but really getting to know you girls, has given me grace to move forward and keep trying, even after so many years.
I have at the top of my sig, TTC since 2005, but actually that's wrong.
When I was 21, I got married to my highschool sweetheart of 7 years, and was trying to have a baby then. ( months after we were married I found he was having an affair so the marriage ended.
I guess you could say that I have not used any sort of contraceptive for 10 years now, and still nothing has happened.
It wasn't untill I met the love of my Life, my now DH, we became seriouse about trying to have a family, so we looked into seeing a FS. We have always been told 'There is nothing wrong', 'We can't find anything' 'You are perfectly healthy'.
My DH and I got married last year in January, and a month later I realised I had missed my period. Much to our suprise, the best wedding gift ever, we found out we were having a baby! The excitement was short lived, the one day I will always try to forget, but never will, is the day we lost our preciouse miracle at 8wks.
I miscarried naturally, and have desperately tried to be pregnant again, to no avail.
Each month that goes by, seems to hurt more than the one before. The anguish becomes stronger, more friends of ours are now onto their second cildren, I hate it.
I feel as though I have turned into a grumpy barron old horse at the age now of 30, and shy away from children when I can. And that is not me.
So after many pointless visits to FS, 3 failed attempts at IUI, we moved onto IVF in Adelaide with Repromed.
After our 1st failed cycle, I was diagnosed with NKcells in my uterus, and am now in the middle of a dreaded TWW on my 2nd Cycle.
I feel crampy, quietly disheartened, and don't feel as though it has taken.
I just don't see how anything can survive the AF cramping I have had, since ET.
I know I had 27 eggies removed only 1 week ago, and that has to still hurt yes, but cramping just aint a good sign for me, never has been XX
Awww hun cramping is a sign of either AF or pregnancy i get exactly the same when i am pregnant i always feel like AF is comming it is when i get the heavy dragging insides that feel like i have just BD for hours that i know its AF but you and i both know those horrible pesseries don't help i cramped heaps more than AF pain and i didnt even have a TF don't drop your bundle just yet that is my job.
Hello ladies
Have been reading everyones stories and its so sad we are all on here in this TTC journey all for different reasons in a way but all for the same reason IYKWIM we have all suffered a loss within the last 12mnths and the pain is still quite raw for most of us although not on a daily basis its still there hiding away ready to pounce on us at the slightest thing ie a pg anouncment or AF turning up or just seeing a tiny baby in a pram when out shopping ! Well girls we are all here because we need to comfort each other and give each other hope and lessen the fear that we maynot get the long awaited BFP !
I am so glad I found all of you as without you all I would be a total mess !
Anyway that out the way I have a story too but I feel sometimes that I am just being gready, as I have 9 kids already yes 9 between the ages of 25 and 2yrs I had my 1st at 20 when married to my 1st hubby. I fell pg again a yr later and although my marriage was not going that well I was so glad I was going to be a mum again, anyway at my 16wk scan I was told my baby had died at 11wks and I needed a D&C to remove the fetus ! I was so upset didn't know what happened, went for a scan but came out being told my baby wasn't alive ! anyway after the D&C I didn't cope too well and eventually my marriage ended I eventually met and moved in with my now DH, my son was 2yrs, We never used contraception and 3yrs later we knew something was wrong anyway we found out my DH had only 1 million sperm in his count and out of those 50% had something wrong ie bent tails and so on. We tried IUI 3 times with his sperm but all failed, this was back in the late 80s and IVF was not an option for us so we decided to try IUI with donor sperm, on the 2nd attempt we got a BFP and a lovely son in Sept 91, we decided to go back to the clinic again 2yrs later for another try of IUI with donor sperm, to our suprise we were pg naturally and were so amazed ! anyhow it was short lived as I mc a few weeks later I was told to wait for a normal AF then start the clomid for IUI anyhow it never happened as I was pg again and had my 1st daughter in march 95 in oct 95 I was pg again, my son was born in june 96, I then went on the pill ! 3yrs later we decided to try again after a whole year I got a BFP mc at 5wks then pg again in April 2000 my son was born Jan 2001 but with many probs ie heart,lung and digestion as well as cranial stenosis, over the next 2yrs he was in and out of hospital 4 majour ops and many times didn't think he would live, When he was 9mnths old I realized I felt ill from being pg again ! I was so scared as I had a sick child and now was UTD again, anyway my son was born july 02 no probs, so worry over ! anyway I went on to have 2 more girls and a boy over the next 6yrs. I did mc inbetween each of them and took over a yr to get a BFP but I did it ! I never gave up hope and knew that the misscarriages were natures way ! However Last year in June at the age of 44 I got a BFP again and was so thrilled as it had taken me 2yrs and a mc, but we decided this was to be the last as now we were well in our 40s. Well in Sept 09 at 12wks 5days I went for a scan as I had a slight brown spotting and was told it was a BLIGHTED OVUM not a baby in the sac. I had a D&C and its hit me so hard this time I guess the reason is I am now 45 I know my hubby has had sperm issues and know my time is about run out, but I just have this empty feeling and great sadness that my baby never came after 12wks of pg symptoms and all the emotional thoughts that go with being pg the planning and the buying new stuff then NOTHING !
So thats me today 45 and hoping to fall pg again, but every month that goes by its getting harder and harder to stay positive.
Sorry for the long winded story I am not really deserving of having anymore I gues I should be happy with what I have but after loosing 5 angels you just never get over it ! I would just like to go into my old age in happiness watching my last little miracle grow up not be in sadness remembering the Angel that didn't get to stay with me ! But I know the clock is against me ! but I am a gambler I suppose and if theres a will theres a way, Just a shame Im too old for any help when I could do with some, sometimes feels like I have come full circle ! back to square 1.
What I really wanted to say was NEVER GIVE UP ! even when the odds are stacked against you miracles do happen they really do sometimes nature does goe against what the DRS say and you could end up with a miracle of your very own ! We were told no need for contraception you won't get pg naturally with a sperm count like that !!!!!! How wrong they were !
Anyway I think I have missed out again this month as Ive got low backache and just waiting for the usual headache then AF will be here I just know she will,
There's not much left to be shy about when IVF is concerned!! Ah it's good to be here!
I'm with you, it was great on the other thread but this far along I feel we are all in a differnet place on our journey.
then in Nov. 07 Donor Daddy organised my freind's car loan and the rest is history. We did home insems. from Feb. 08 till Oct. 09 and had 2 pgs and mc both at 7 weeks on Anzac day a year apart. We are now on IUI 5 and have had 1 chem. pg and a pg where nothing actually developed which I'm still a bit confused by. We have one more IUI then will probably move to IVF.
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