Good morning lovely women,

MurryCod - thanks again for sending me the link to this thread and glad you are feeling somewhat 'lighter' today There's not much left to be shy about when IVF is concerned!! Ah it's good to be here!

Hi Porsche, Sunbeam, Crafty, Ferrals, Mildez from the other thread - lovely to have you all here

Sevie - I can't imagine how hard that would be. How are you today? I can't find any of the little icons but wanted to give you a cyber hug.

Sunbeam - I know that feeling of what will life be like if I never have kids and that life will be pointless without them. Over the years I've slowly come to terms with that as best that I can. I have close relationships with my friends children and I have taken steps in the last year to return to making art again after a very long break. We plan overseas trips (not that we've been for a while) and we have been considering fostering for a very long time. Adoption just seems too hard after so much waiting already and we are probably too old now anyway. I will always feel grief over the years of fertility I lost and for the baby who couldn't stay with us. But it gets easier in the sense that you come to some peace with it. I hope you don't have to come to peace with it - I hope you can have your babies. I have avoided, then given in, then given away, baby things over the years. I hope yours will come back to you xx

Most of you know my story, and it's a long one of 9 years TTC so don't blame you for not reading anymore but here goes anyway: At 32 DH and I decided we wanted to have kids. I had three ovarian cysts removed prior to that, the last one at 30, but was told both tubes were clear, and there were no signs of endo. We tried for a year unsuccessfully before seeing an FS who sent us for tests - my hormones levels were all fine so he recommended we try for another 6 months. Not long after that I was having a lot of pain and discomfort and I knew something wasn't right but my GP thought I was just anxious about TTC so wouldn't send me for any more tests. Eventually I couldn't get out of bed and saw a different GP who admitted me straight to hospital.

Long story short - I was diagnosed with severe endo and another six months later had two big operations during which time I lost one tube, the other is damaged with adhesions, and one ovary had a massive endo cyst in it. It took me six months to recover from the ops during which time my BIL suicided and two days after the funeral on his way to work my DH was bashed and hospitalised and had to be off work for 12 weeks (one of his atttackers is in prison for robbery in company causing grievous bodily harm)(he is lucky to be alive). It took us 18 months to get through the court case for his bashing and inquest into his brothers death so by the time we started IVF I was 37. We got 5 day 5 blasties from 6 eggs but none of them took (I had 3 transfers from that cycle over 1 year). Our second IVF we got 3 day 5 blasties and had 2 transfers over 6 months and none of them took, by which time I was 39. I had another operation for an ovarian cyst and was told I was looking at having a hysterectomy. I was devastated as it was the week before my 40th birthday. That week my brother rang to say his partner (44) had fallen pregnant on their first go at IVF. I was crushed. Took me six months to pick myself up and face another go at IVF but the cycle got canceled because I was sick and not responding well.

Finally last August my FS sent me for the NK biopsy, a whole lot of blood tests for lupus etc and they came back with elevated levels. Why didn't we do these tests earlier? He recommended I go on DHEA to see if it improved my egg numbers and we did that for three months before starting our last IVF in November last year. I ended up getting sick at the beginning of it with bronchitis but turns out that was a blessing because the antibiotics I took probably are one of the reasons we got a call before Christmas saying we got our BFP! We were stunned - and ecstatic - but sadly we lost the bub at 8 weeks. So here we are now, trying one last time (again). I'm doing some TCM and acupuncture again (figure it can only help) and we are hoping to do our final attempt at IVF in June. I am feeling positive and hopeful and trying to just take one day at a time.

Being with you all here, has been the best thing that has happened to me in this whole painful journey. I have finally found somewhere that others understand some of ups and downs of TTC when all the odds seem set against you. So thank you so much and looking forward to sharing our experiences on this new thread xx Jacqui (Alice is the name we gave our little one)