The road to having Celeste...
We always knew we would have trouble conceiving as DH had undecended testes which weren't operated on till he was almost 7years old. He was left with low sperm count, little mobility and bad morphology (shape): the trifecta! We had discussed it when I was around 18 (we married when I was 20) and decided we would do whatever was needed at the time.
When we decided the time was right (March 1997 Me:23 DH 25) we went straight to the GP for tests to confirm what would need to be done and were referred straight to the FS in Adelaide. We had the usual introductory appointments to discuss what could be done and organise tests but luckily for us we already knew the Male factor infertility side of things. By November we had all the blood tests done to make sure there were no sperm anitbodiesor hostile mucous in me, the usual STD screening, scans and bloods to check I was ovlulating and also a Laparoscopy with dye to check that my fallopian tubes weren't blocked. All was completely normal with me and I still don't know why they bothered me with having the lap and dye as there was almost no chance of DH swimmers making the journey on their own so we would be doing the full ICSI thing.
We began our first fully stimulated IVF ICSI cycle in mid 1998 with Synarel nasal spray twice daily and the Puregon injections once a day. I was a complete ball of stress throughout as we were keeping it all to ourselves and didn't discuss it with anyone. In fact it took almost 9 years to tell my best friend about it all - not something I would recomend anyone else do! The EPU resulted in 6 eggs being collected but only 2 fertilising and being suitable for transfer on day 3. The moment I woke from the EPU I looked at that number written on my hand and my hopes sank already. I was dissapointed in the number. None were frozen. BFN. For some reason I had kind of expected it to work first time, it does for some doesn't it? I was devestated and inconsolable. Days of crying ensued. Around this time I began plummeting into depression.
During this time the two couples we were closest to had had their first babies. I found it so hard to be completely happy for them as I knew we were starting down a hard road. They did things together and we felt left out a bit.
Second full stimulated cycle happened late 1998 with 8 eggs being collected. I was still dissapointed with the number but at least it was better than first time. Only 2 were suitable for transfer on day 3 though and still none for the freezer. BFN. This cycle was harder on me emotionally. I did the trigger injection in the car in a carpark at a wedding reception we were attending and missed the cake cutting. I was embarrassed and ashamed and didn't want anyone to know still. We hadn't even told our parents what we were doing and my folks were still unaware that there would even be a problem.
People DH worked with began to start their families. I later realised that he hated coming home from work to break the news that someone else was pregnant, not knowing if I would dissolve into tears or become angry as the result varied day to day. Others I knew would occasionally comment "I thought you would have had kids by now" or something equally innocent (although a little rude) and I would want to tear their face off. I think DH was wondering who this mad woman he was married to was but years later when reading books about LTTTC I realised that all these emotions are actually completely normal. We looked at adoption locally but realised the waiting time put it out of the equation for us.
We began our third fully stimulated cycle in mid 1999. ( The cost and emotional toll forced us to take things reasonably slowly) and againwe had 8 eggs picked up. This time I did the trigger injection in the loo of a pub while out with friends. A good way to up the stress levels while trying to keep things quiet. Things went a little better this time though with 2 transferred on day 3 and 2 frozen!!! Although we had another BFN we had a freezer full of hope. This time I had not had a bleed till hours after the blood test was taken and we went to the Dr for the results. I can still see his face when he called us into his rooms to tell us the result. (Later, he would phone me while I was still on the operating table after the ceasarian to congratulate us!)
Our natural frozen cycle took place in feb 2000. Of the 2 embryos frozen, only one thawed nicely but still resulted in a BFN. Following this I had a near breakdown and told my parents everything. I should have done so years before. It turns out that they had kind of figured out we were doing some sort of IVF thing and were very supportive. Dad even rushed off to the library to read all about it on the day I phoned them a blubbering mess to tell them.
Due to the emotional and financial stress we decided to take a break from TTC. The only thing we have to show for the few years torment was a few surgery scars, a depleted bank account and one picture of our very last embie transferred.
As it turned out, the break went from months to years. People we knew married, had children, divorced, remarried and had more children all while we waited our turn. During this time we went down the natural therapies road. We consulted a naturopath and followed her regime for a while (interenstinly, she is a specialist in natural family planning and has 10 children of her own!!!). In 2005 we discussed adoption again and looked into international adoption. We attended the workshop and completed the mountains of paperwork to get through stage one in early 2006 and the interviews to begin stage 2. At this point we decide to spent the next $3000 required for that stage on another go at IVF instead. Our GP had reccomended we look at it again as there had been advances made in the 6 or so years since we had tried it. There had indeed been changes: the company was now private, not university operated. They had lovely premises, there was the development of letting embryos go to day 5 now with higher success rates, and medicare now covered more of the cost. We were referred to Dr Richard Henshaw who happens to be the medical director and he is extremely positive and says that yes there have been big improvements and that we can start again soon, going to blastocyst stage. The numbers that make it to that stage may be less but the chance of success will be much higher with those that do. We go into it feeling much more positive than at anytime before.
It was at this time that I discovered Bellybelly. I really wish I had known of it before as the forums have been such a help to me emotionally this time. We go on a real health kick, with Dh cutting down on his alcohol and we also trimmed down our consumption of preservatives and chemicals in the home. I also have a much more positive frame of mind with my mental health definately much more on track this time. Positive thinking is my 'new thing' and I take to it with gusto!
19th of march 2007 is my 33rd birthday and the day I have my day21 bloods taken to confirm the start date of my cycle. I take this as an omen. Synarel twice daily again and puregon once daily but happily that has improved now with it being administered in a pen like insulin not the old way of mixing the vials together and drawing the med up into the needle. This helps to simplify things and lower the stresses too. I treated myself to massages during this time also... can't hurt right?
At the scan they located at least 10follicles on the right and 4or more on the left. They couldnt see the left side too well but I am really happy with those results as there are more there than ever before. The trigger injection is even better than previous cycles too, being now only a subcutaneous not intramuscular as they used to be, much nicer!
EPU brings 10 'lovely' eggs! The most ever and the phone call to tell me that 9 had fertilised made me extra happy too. Things seemed to be finally going our way. Day 5 we had 2 blastocyst embryos transferred and there were at least another 2 which would be frozen, possibly three. We were so excited that after transfer we went to the shops and spent the whole day looking at and planning for baby things. This was April 21st 2007.
By April 28th I felt terrible. I was crampy, headachey and bloated like a dead animal! By 7am, April 30th I was in hospital suffering from Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. Our local hospital hadn't heard of it and needed to consult the FS who got excited and said that this long after the stim drugs usually indicates early pregnancy. I had tried to tell the GP that but he didnt believe me. We went home the following afternoon and I took a HPT which I had ordered about 10 or 20 from the internet. Low and behold, after 10years and 1month we had our very first BFP!!!! There were tears and kisses and shaking. We could hardly believe our luck. It was confirmed by our blood test results on the 3rd of May.
Our first ultrasound was at 6weeks 2days and there was a heartbeat! Joy!!! All that could be seen was a tiny flickering blob and an eggsack still in there. We fell in love with it instantly. The pregnancy went like a dream with few health problems and very little morning sickness. Unfortunately we went 10days overdue, had to be induced and had a dramatic emergency caesarian section in the end but we finally have our longed for baby in our arms.
Celeste Martha took 10 years, 10 months, 10 days to arrive... including 5 IVF attempts, rounds of 'natural' therapies, lifestyle changes, induction, 6internals during 28hours of labour and an emergency caesarian! She was certainly worth it though...she is real, she is ours and she is perfect!
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