Other People's Pregnancies

[Miss.September]

It can be really difficult and i think its how each independent person handles it. Some have good and bad days. I know I did.

I m/c when my SIL was five months pregnant. The day I came home from hospital she had sent me an email that she thought was a lovely thing to do, trying to do the right thing, but it broke my heart as it was all about her ultrasound that she had just had. I tried to be positive as this was my niece/nephew but all I felt was empty and miserable. I went back to work a couple of days later and fell apart there. I worked in a children's bookshop, and it felt like every pregnant woman in the state chose that day to come in I cried twice at my desk in the middle of the shop.

One month later, I thought I was fine, but SIL had her baby shower. I felt like everyone's eyes were on me, seeing how I was taking it during the present opening. I was fine until that point, and then I had to get up. I took all the rubbish outside and fell apart in the garage. Poor mum found me there. But from that point I became determined not to fall apart anymore. We threw ourselves back into TTC and thankfully we got our BFP three months later. I spent the next nine months in pure terror because I had spotting all the way.

I guess for me, I didn't really share how I was actually feeling. That I was angry and felt alone while my family celebrated in my SIL's pregnancy, and rightly so. I joined in too and nobody knew I felt any different. I didn't resent her, I was just sad that it wasn't me. Maybe if I had spoken up at some point about how I was feeling then it might have helped. I don't know. I didn't want pity and I didn't want attention. I had a new puppy, so I threw her a heap of love and attention and to this day I am grateful to have had her to focus on. I needed to focus on something tiny and helpless and an eight week old puppy certainly did the trick.

I hope you get your BFP soon. Vent in here lots, don't do what I did and bottle it up. You won't be judged in here. Sorry for the super long post.

[Kaybee]

Corelly, Thank you for the super long post! You got me nodding in agreement the whole way. My SIL is pregnant too (along with everyone else I know and I want them and my whole family to be able to get excited about their upcoming birth without having to stop and think about how I am coping (it's not about me!). At the same time though, I still get so so upset after I talk to my brother who is sounding soooo excited - it's not because I resent them it's just purely because it reminds me of what I was so close to having. Plain, simple, childish jealousy I guess. Hope your little fur baby is doing well

(I'm seeing my bro and SIL and their growing belly this weekend. I'm taking all of your advice along to help me! - thanks again)

[Possums]

It's just so hard isn't it...I can really relate so much as well. And I also have good and bad days, but overall have had to distance myself from a few friends, because i just found it too painful being around them.
Wishing you all the best!

[Kaybee]

Thanks Possums. It's awful that friendships have to suffer as well through this stuff. Sometimes pretending it doesn't get to me (for everyone else's sake I guess) actually works - it's a timing thing - some days it's worse if I sit around thinking about how hard it will be to see the preggy friends rather than just seeing them and getting on with it. It's purely a timing thing though. Good luck