Personal rant - stressed and worried about this cycle
Hello,
I'm sorry for this very selfish rant, but I just needed to get my feelings out. We are just about to start our second stim cycle - 3 days into my lucrin injections! On the day of the first injection, I found out that my mum needs serious spinal surgery in the next 2-3 weeks - she has a long history of back/spine probs and now needs surgery to stop her from becoming a quadraplegic. Its not a huge surprise, but there is a chance she wont make it through because of her poor health. Following that, we found out DH has a tumor on his thyroid. Because of his age, it should be ok and not cancer, but he is scheduled for a biopsy for next week, and the we will get the results 1st week of sept. All this is going to happen approx when we need to have the pick up and transfer! On top of this all, DH has taken a new role at work (he did not have a choice really) and is flat out, and I have a new job, but in the same org I been in for a while - so ditto - very busy.
I just feel like everything is working against this cycle - and it is all out of control! The only thing I can control is stoping this cycle but I dont want to do that, but I dont want to set myself up for failure either. I just want to sit in a room somewhere and rock - but I cant, I'll keep going and keep running myself into the wall so I dont let anyone down.
I'm sorry, in five I'll be under control again, but till then this is my frustrated scream!
FG
You never know. This could be the one just coz you have so many other things on your mind. The one you least expect to work might just be the one that works.
Well I hope so anyway.
GL to you, your DH & your mum.
FG, this isn't a selfish rant at all! it's understandable that you're feeling stressed, and torn in a million directions at the moment. just remember, one day at a time - and you are allowed to cancel your cycle if you need to. sometimes it's better to delay a week or three rather than going through the pressure of a cycle when you're not up to it. i know you want to keep going, and i more than understand that need to control - but always remember you have to put your mental health first...
take it easy hun - and hope there are good outcomes for you and your family right across the board.
it's hard to relax but you can still get a good result even with all this i had so many things happening when i did first cycle and still got 11 eggs and 7 fertilise and even though i got a BFN i am doing a froz tfer in a week and i feel more relaxed now.
i tried to make some me time and i have 3 boys so it is hard to do. but even 5 minutes listen to some music and breathe. it's prob hard to get some acupuncture out in bush but a romantic massage from dh??
hope all goes well and fingers crossed this is the one for you .
Farmgirl - wow what a stressful time for you. You aren't being selfish at all, I think most of us would feel super stressed to go through all that at once! Big hugs I hope you find some nice quiet time to sit and process it all. I am thinking of you, good luck with the cycle.
Last edited by Maruschke; August 29th, 2008 at 10:41 PM.
Sorry you're having such a hard time Farmgirl. Really hope you get some good news on your mum and DH, and you cycle as well, obviously. Maybe cancelling would be a good idea though, - at least then you'd be removing one cause of stress.
BTW, i had my thyroid removed due to a tumour - happy to answer any questions you may have, though hopefully the bioposy will be all good.
Thanks everyone for your support - much appreciated. Tried some retail therapy today seemed to help!
I think we are going to keep going with the cycle - I'm just going to try and focus on that as a positive and not be so harsh on myself when I have a wine or deviate off my eating plan to help with the stress!
i have done hellish cycles- one i even ended up on school camp for a week whilst i was injecting- that was fun - and then after pickup i ended up hospital for 3 days and pickup went yuck.
and you know what- it was the cycle that worked and we got our twins from it
just stay focused- cut out all the crap that you dont need stress from- find time in the day to regroup and spend any time you can doing something of quality with your DH - even if its just sitting and talking with the telly off for an hour one nite
How are you going? Sounds like a lot is on your plate at the moment. Sometimes I feel like saying to other problems: please take a number and I'll be with you when I've got this IVF worked out.
Please keep your eyes on the prize. Have you thought about acupuncture to help you deal with stress? Or a relaxation tape. Yes these things aren't going to make the issues go away but they might equip you to better deal with them and keep going strong.
For me what makes a difference is having faith in God and knowing that he loves me greatly and that he is trustworthy. God's in control of all things even when I can't see it, so for me it's about placing my trust and my life in his hands...
farmgirl - I am so sorry to hear all of this.
I felt personally with my cyles a couple of times everything was working against a particular cycle. The best thing for me (not self imposed but I was made to do it by my FS) was a 2 month break.
After that the cycle was sucessful. sometimes when you are so stressed you need to take a break - deal with your family stuff and then start again.
EPU's are hard enough without additional stress and panic.
Whatever you choose good luck .... just a different suggestion. x
Hello all,
Thanks for checking in. I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry at the moment...on the day we started our gonal-f injections, my mum decided that drinking 500ml of gin was a great idea (on top of 250ml the day before), as was abusing the nurses in the ED after she had a fall, and then to top it off, she discharged herself and came knocking on the door of my Aunts where we were staying at 1am in morning (we had left her at the hospital as they were doing tests, and mum was being so rude etc so I left)! (ps. she did this the day before my BIL's fathers funeral - I think she does it on purpose to seek attention back on to her...) Then, we find out that her surgery is scheduled the day before our likely pick up date! So fingers crossed we stay on schedual and dont go early as I'm the one having to pick her up, drive her to Melb and stay with her to be there when she wakes up! She does not know about the IVF and I dont really want to have to explain why I cant be there at this stage in the process! I have not yet planned how I then get back home, pick up DH and get back down to Melb in prep for pick up - I'll deal with that one once we have a confirmed date
Waiting1 - I like your thinking and I do wonder at how we can ever be succesful with all this going on- we prob should have cancelled the cycle, but I have this mistaken belief that by keeping going that I was focusing on us, and what was important to us, what I did not factor in was that everything else would keep going as well. Plus, the stress with my mum will never decrease, it just is always there and then explodes at undefined times - so chaning the timing does not mean much in terms of finding a better time. Maybe I just get drawn into things too much so its my fault, but stressful things just seem to keep happening around us and I cant control that.
Ruth - thanks for the suggestion - yep I was going to acupuncture, but due to work pressures I just cant get there anymore - up here it is not open on Sat, and it takes too much time out of my work day, but I might get to the library and see about a relaxation dvd - thats a good suggestion.
Reflecting on what I've written, it is really pathetic, and I wonder if I want this enough - 'cant find time from work for acupunture'! Pls, like I'm the only busy person in this world! I dont know - its just to hard to work this though - and I'm crap at letting go and saying I cant do it!
Anyway, it is nearly the weekend, which means no work, and sleep ins looking forward to that! Thanks again for checking in, and sorry to just continue the rant...
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Personal rant - stressed and worried about this cycle
- but I cant, I'll keep going and keep running myself into the wall so I dont let anyone down.
seemed to help!
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