This is another mega vent, I seem to be on a role lately. Two days after AF arrived after my stim cycle in Jan, DH told me that my SIL (his sister) was 10 weeks pregnant, after falling the first month trying (they were married in October). While trying to be happy for them, I had a bit of a break down, all the usual things like 'its not fair', 'how could they be so lucky as to fall the first month trying when we have been trying for 4 years' etc etc. I took it really bad. But have been trying to put it from my mind. SIL lives in Canberra, she is lovely really, and I am trying trying to be happy for them and not jealous.
She had a 14 week scan today. She is having triplets! Oh God, WTF. I am in total shock, it is like 100 times worse. It seems she O'd 3 eggs, all fertilised, all implanted, all growing, all ok, first month trying. I feel gutted for DH and me. We can't even have one baby, she is having 3.
I am a bit of a mess at the moment, so jealous, so sad for us, I know I shouldn't take this like a kick in the guts, but what can I do? I know that it really has nothing to do with me, but I feel like God has slapped me in the yet again.
I so need some advice as to how to handle this. I just want my chance, I just want it to be my turn, and with this so in my face, I don't know what to think or how to feel. I will have to call them, and my MIL/FIL to say congratulations, how do I be happy and sincere without breaking down? And I can't vent to DH as he is trying to be happy for his sister, and just doesn't feel the same way.
Where is the justice, where is the fairness? I am already dreading the whole jokes of 'well you can have one of ours'.
How much longer, how do I cope and how do I have hope for us?
Do they know you have been TTC for so long? I know when I had to tell my sis that I was UTD and they were trying and had been for a while, it was the hardest thing to tell her. Maybe you can say something about no offers for a triplet to be yours - EVER!
It is normal for you to feel jealous hun. I know I would if I were in your shoes. Make sure you do talk about it hun.
so sorry hun to hear about this situation - sux big time...the only advice I can give,and sorry if it falls short, but i think the best you can do is not put pressure on yourself to "perform". Don't worry if you aren't jumping for joy for them- that is only natural and you are not super human. If I were you I would do the minimum required ie offer congrat's but don't worry about going above any beyond. Also try and remember that they aren't rubbing your face in it. I had a situation today when someone said to me very innocently "you better hurry up and have children because..." and I did feel like killing them but I also realised they had no idea and so weren't trying to be malicious.
So hope I havent raved on too much but I think the most important thing is that you take time to love, nurture, and be good to yourself.
If it helps, I know that if I were in that situation, I honestly wouldn't care what she thought - I would need time to get my head around it, and come to terms with the unfairness of the situation before I could even think of congratulating/seeing her. I think if you try and push yourself to do something you're not comfortable with yet, you're going to keep the wound raw for longer. Does his family know your TTC?? If so, maybe you're DH could just pass on your congratulations, but mention that its hit you pretty hard, so you'll be laying low for a little while?
Whatever you decide to do, make sure you're doing it for YOU and not for family pressures. At the end of the day, you and DH are the ones who have to live with your decisions, not anyone else
It's so frustrating trying to be happy when you know you can't be...I've been there before too - not the triplets, but people 'accidently' falling pg around me and first time ivf'ers and iui'ers getting the success that I wasn't at the time. I know it's hard. They all knew I was TTC for while...so they did understand why I wasn't overly excited for them like I should have been. I found I just asked lots of questions - like when due, names, gender, will they find out etc, that way I didn't have time to think about me - I was too busy firing lots of questions at them and listening to their reponses. Then when i left - as soon as I was away from sight, cried my eyes out all the way home.
Could you start the congratulating off by sending a card...that way it could buy you a little more time to deal with the your feelings and have enough questions to last you til you get back in the car .
Oh Baby Dreamtime i really feel for you right now. It is just so hard to react to things the way we are "supposed" to react. Of course deep down you are happy for them but it is so normal to feel all of the other things like jealousy and sadness. I don't really know what to suggest as its just a really hard situation but don't beat yourself up over anything that you feel.
That is just too tough. You are entitled to feel everything you are feeling! I found it so much worse when I tried to 'pretend' everything was ok...I could never ring...I would always send a card...tantrum, cry, do whatever you need to do...be kind to yourself...it is such a tough road and people either seem to get it or they don't...no inbetween...I wish there was something I could say but I know there's not...hang in there sweetie...you're doing great under the most difficult of circumstances xxx
Last edited by dusty; February 20th, 2009 at 04:48 AM.
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Triplets! You have got to be kidding me! - Vent
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Deanne.
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