I don't really know why I'm writing this, I suppose I just wanted to get it off my chest.

I suppose like many LTTTC couples, our sex life is not exactly exciting. This is probably even more so since we started IVF treatment - hey, why would we bother having sex when our lovely FS does the job for us?!

But I'm feeling a bit low about it. DH and I might DTD once a month. Sometimes not at all - last month he had a cold that lasted for a fortnight, so we didn't DTD at all because sniffly noses and kisses just don't match.

Other months we usually manage it at least once. But it coincides with me ovulating, even if we know that statistically there's little possibility of it being a 'productive' thing to do. I suppose that's just habit - I can't help being aware of what my body is doing and I'm used to only DTD at that time anyway.

DH is usually pretty good about our lack of DTD, but occasionally he makes a comment that leaves me feeling very sad and guilty. He tried it on the other night at 2am and I knocked him back - I'd already been asleep for three hours and I was exhausted. He responded by suggesting that I never want it - it's effing 2am! Try again at 10pm and we might get somewhere! He then suggests that I'm boring because I only want it at 10pm.

Anyway, I work in a particularly emotionally exhausting job. I find it challenging and rewarding, but more often than not it's completely draining - I work in the family violence field and sometimes after a day's work, I've got nothing left to give to my DH. I know we DTD when we're both on holidays, so that suggests to me that it's a stress thing. But LTTTC probably also has something to do with it.

I hate feeling guilty about not DTD. But I'm equally grumpy with DH for not being more understanding - my entire life swings between the anticipation of possibly being UTD, to the disappointment of not being UTD. Going to work everyday and being productive is about all else I can manage. My sex life is secondary to trying to get through the week without screaming. But if I tell DH this, he suggests that we take a break from TTC, which I don't want to do (and I don't know that a break from TTC will improve my sex life...quitting my job might...)

I love DH so much, he's my best mate and my rock. We have a happy, fun, affectionate relationship that does not include a whole lot of sex. I feel guilty for not prioritising it - but should I? Is there something wrong with us if we don't have a crazy sex life at this point in our relationship?

Sorry, just needed to vent.