[QUOTE=Persephone1;1961076] Is there something wrong with us if we don't have a crazy sex life at this point in our relationship?
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My answer is No, there is nothing wrong with your relationship if you don't always have a crazy hot sex life and everytime you see each other you want to tear each other's clothes off. I hate to stereotype people, so why should we do the same to sex life? ie. once a week, twice a month etc . Do it whenever you feel like it, please don't tell me how many is too many or to less as far as both of you are happy with it, that is.
DH and I have a great loving affectionate relationship and I have to say it doesn't build on sex, it's never been a priority for us. We might have some action twice a week but sometimes can go without for 2-3 weeks...I think every couple's relationship is different...do what works for you and don't feel guilty because of National figures says ' you should have sex 3 times a week', that's my point.
I totally get it after LTTTC with a stressful job, it feels hard to place this 'DTD' stuff, maybe make a bit more effort over the weekend when work is not over your head and you and DH can do some fun stuff, even at 2am....:-)
DH and I probably DTD once a month or so, but I'm the one who misses it more I think. Except when I'm cycling and have the pessaries and everything - I couldn't think of anything grosser than sex at that point! But I do miss it, even though we're close and loving at other times.
Just want to add that, altough I am not LTTTC or TTC at all for that matter, since DD was born (2 years ago!) I have had very little sex drive. I too started wondering what the point was, when I didn't enjoy it all that much - that little bit of pleasure at the end just wasn't worth it all when I was exhausted from a stressful job and looking after DD. I really didn't want hands on me or to have to look after someone else's needs again.
I thought that I was in the minority and DH's comments weren't helping.
I read a brilliant book that has changed my mindset on this just recently (and am trying to gradually move this into a physical change in myself). It's called "Love in the Time of Colic". I found it helped me realise this is extremely common- with a male and female voice it helped me understand what DH might be thinking and how he perceives it when I give him the brush off all the time. Give it a read and see if it helps at all.
persephone, I want to add that I can relate to so much of what you wrote!! Our sex life since LTTTC, IVF cycles, miscarriages, and another medical problems I have dealt with/am dealing with, has really suffered. The urge the desire is way down, not to mention we are both often stressed and tired. Like you said too, when we are on holidays together, our sex life and the desire seems to magically return, so stress obviously is playing a big role normally. We talk about it and sometimes get down about it too...then we make more of an effort for a while. It's true, if you try and make and effort sometimes you surprise yourself and actually do feel like it. Try not too feel too bad about it.
Thanks Ladies, your support is much appreciated - especially those who have been LTTTC. DH and I have had a few chats about it, and unfortunately he often jokes about it - I've had to point out that his joking is actually a bit hurtful and I'd rather we be kind to each other around the sex stuff.
I saw an episode of the Simpsons last night and something Marge said was completely hilarious (had me in stitches!) but was also rather apt. Homer had decorated the bedroom with candles and pretty drapes, and when Marge came in she said "Oh, Homey, you remembered that I like romance!" I told DH he could try the same thing now and again (although I note that Homer had stapled his fat to his back, so perhaps not).
I understand about the joking...it can be a good way to ease tension and try and make light of things, but I am pretty sensitive, and sometimes it can hurt, or sometimes I have joked and hurt DHs feelings too..you need to tread carefully ... I think when we do have moments of passion its a relief to both of us to know it's still there, just hidden a lot of the time at the moment
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