thread: Unexplained infertility & IVF contemplation

  1. #1
    Destiny Eyes Guest

    Unexplained infertility & IVF contemplation

    Hi, I have ‘ unexplained infertility’ (ie no medical reason why I haven’t yet conceived).

    My journey started 18 months ago when like many excited women I went off the pill expecting to fall preganant fairly soon amd before I knew it we were stilling trying to conceive 12 mnths later. I consulted a fertility specialist who arranged for me to do all the tests as well as my husband. The results came back normal and I was devastated to be told that there was no explanation for why we still hadn’t been able to conceive ( a part of me was happy to hear this and the other part was fustrated after all not knowing makes it harder because there is no pill or operation that will fix the problem). The specialist suggested I consider IVF and I felt that I should just give it more time.

    I have only confided in a few close friends and family members about ‘my problem’ as I feel somewhat inadequate/ashamed that I have been unable to conceive, I burst into tears if someone asks me how is it going and am now at the stage where I don’t want to talk about it because they all say ‘you need to relax’ and ‘ it will happen’ etc – I SCREAM AT THEM ON THE INSIDE – how can they possibly know what it feels like to want something so bad and yet have no control over it – its on my mind 24/7 so how can I relax?

    Whilst my husband is supportive and assures me that we will have a child no matter what, I can’t help but feel that I am alone because no man can truly understand the need for a woman to have a child!! And he already has a 10 year old from a previous relationship.

    This month I had to leave work early because as soon as I saw a sign that the ‘witch’ was coming I burst into tears and felt completely and utterly devastated. I realised at that point that I need to do some soul searching and come to peace that it may never happen naturally or with IVF – but at least I need to to give it a go (my fear is that I do IVF and that also fails) Anway I have made an appointment with the specialist for the end of the August to get a referral to the IVF clinic.

    In the meantime I am going to an IVF information night to understand the process and see the cost involved (which is another issue for us) and hope that I can find some inner peace and strength to take me down the next stage of my journey towards being a mum.

    Would love to hear from anyone that has or is experiencing somewhat the same thing because none of my friends/family have gone through it.

  2. #2
    BellyBelly Member

    Jun 2004


    I can relate!!!!!

    I am currently 35 and I also had unexplained infertility. The difference between you and me though, was that I was getting pg, but I constantly miscarried. I have been pg 7 times and I am only just carrying this pg through to term (I am currently 34.5 weeks!). I struggled with conception for 3 years before being successful.

    I have had every test under the sun and have done IVF 3 times - all to no avail. I have had various drugs support therapys, I have reduced stress, I have had laporoscopies....the works. All my tests kept coming back that everything was normal, including the embryo biopsying as part of IVF. I too (and my DH) was very frustrated. I use to think - nay, hope - that a test would come back saying that something was wrong and that i could take a pill or an injection for it and all would be well, but no. Never anything that simple for me.

    Even being through it all, I can't suggest anything for you, other than the support of myself and the many wonderful ladies (and men) on this site. I have found the conversations, advice, listening, etc invaluable to dealing and coping with my problems, because like you, I started to think how could DH understand???

    I guess my advice to you would be not to listen to the "do gooders" in this workd that tell you to just relax and it will happen. It doesn't just happen like that and the more you try to relax, the worse it is. I would suggest getting a fertility specialist that you are REALLY comfortable with and one that is prepared to try things that maybe are not exactly tried and true. Even if this means seeing a couple. I started with my GP, went to one fertility specialist (with whom I did 3 cycles of IVF) and then got a 2nd opnion from another (with whom I had another miscarriage before keeping this current pg). He is still treating me.

    I am happy to chat whenever you like, and I know the other girls in the monthly thread in this forum will have heaps of suggestions as well. Please don;t think that you are alone in all of this, because you won't be. You may feel like you are until you speak to us. We understand and will always listen. And bear in mind, that successes can really happen. It did for me, and like we have no idea why I kept loosing pgs, we have no idea how this one worked! Equally frustrating (especially when we will want to repeat it all again!).

    Come over to the monthly thread and introduce yourself.


  3. #3
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Jan 2004
    Melbourne, Australia

    Hi there,
    come and join us in the June sticky for Long term TTC. While I haven't been thru exactly what you are going thru, there are lots of people in our group who are going through IVF for different reasons and I am sure many of them can relate to what you are going through right now. You do sound like you need some support.
    If it is any consolation, I have a friend who tried for 3 years and has unexplained fertility. They now have 3 children by IVF, including a set of twins.

  4. #4
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2004

    Hi there Destiny Eyes!

    If you are looking for people who TOTALLY understand what you're going through then you've met a whole bunch right here. We especially hate the "relax and it will happen" and have made a special vent forum, just so we can scream out how much we hate all the [email protected] that comes with TTC for so long.

    I, like you, also worry about the "well, what happens if IVF doesnt work for us - then what??" But I try and remain hopeful that it will.

    Like the others have said - feel free to come join us in the monthly thread where you will find most of us hang out.

  5. #5
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Feb 2005

    Destiny Eyes,

    Sorry for your anguish and I mean that truly because I understand exactly where you're coming from (as can all the ladies in here).

    It's a hard road to walk but at least you know you're not alone any more.


  6. #6
    BellyBelly Member

    Jan 2005
    New Zealand

    Hey there

    I think this is one of the few places where everyone truly knows how you are feeling, it's the one place I actually feel "normal" when it comes to TTC. So you've made a great step by joining in here at the LTTTC thread. We've been TTC for 2 years now, unlike you we have a reason for our infertility - we can't conceive naturally beacuse my husband has a very low sperm count, almost 0 infact. We have done one IVF cycle with no luck on the first transfer. We have 4 frozen embryos and are on track to do a frozen transfer about the middle of this month. Because they can't find anything medically wrong with why I can't conceive I thought I would have no problem falling pg with IVF so was devastated when it didn't happen on our first go at it. What you are feeling is completely normal so try to roll with the ups and downs. I know you will find loads of support here, so feel free to ask us anything.

    Join us in the monthly LTTTC thread! Good Luck.

  7. #7
    Destiny Eyes Guest

    Thank you

    thank you so much for you responses and support. It is a relief to finally share my fustration with others that know exactly what I am talking about and feeling.

    Reading your responses got me teary eyed and I look forward to sharing the journey with you all [-o<

    When are the monthly forums held? would love to join !!!


  8. #8
    Life Member

    May 2003
    Beautiful Adelaide!

    Destiny Eyes,

    Reading your post was like reading something I could have written a few years ago......our circumstances and emotions sound like they are a mirror image of each other, even down to the point of having a very supportive partner who is constantly reassurring!

    The girls above have all been through the same thing, and I would totally agree that this is the right place to be!

    My unexplained infertility and 3 years TTC and strong consideration of IVF thankfully ended when I fell pregnant in 2003, and I now have a beautiful little girl, Olivia, and am pregnant again with #2.

    Taking steps to get support & to get in control of the rollercoaster ride are vital, so I wish you the very best.

  9. #9
    BellyBelly Member

    Jun 2004


    to go to the monthly threads, just click on the hyperlink down the bottom of all these posts that says 'Long Term TTC, Infertility and IVF" and then you will be taken to all the threads under this topic. Up the top you will see the June 2003 thread. All the threads are capped at 10 pages, so iut might read June 2003 #2.

    Hope this makes sense!


  10. #10
    Destiny Eyes Guest

    Thanks Hayseed.

    This website has been a godsend O

  11. #11
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2004

    I bet you become addicted like the rest of us, DE.

  12. #12
    Destiny Eyes Guest

    Jacinta thanks for your response and feedback.

    I think the hardest part for me has been the realisation that I will NEED to consider IVF and am off to an information night to find out more about the procedures and one step closer to being a mum!

    Good luck with your treatment :flower:

  13. #13
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2004

    DE, that was one of the hardest things I faced as well. The realisation that I was not going to have that baby on my own, that my miracle was not going to come along without a stack of assistance.

    Took me a little while for it to really sink in, but once you come to terms with it and realise how good your chances of becoming a mum are through IVF, it suddenly seems like the perfect option (well, at least that is what I have come to feel).

    If you have any questions (and remember there are no stupid questions) please do ask, there is bound to be someone in here who knows the answer!


  14. #14
    Destiny Eyes Guest

  15. #15
    DJ Guest

    Hi Destiny Eyes,
    I am new to this site too. Can relate to your posting. Have been trying to concieve for over 2 years and was diagnosed as an "unexplained" last October and confirmed in May. We took so long to wait for confirmation for various reasons (my career path changed suddenly and I think I need time to come to terms with the possibilty of never being able to concieve naturally). We have just started clomid and wow what a shocker. I feel that I have finally given up all hope of ever making that choice whether I am or am not going to have kids (although I have wanted them for years). It is the loss of control of my life that is the biggest problem. Like a friend of mine says its the letting go that is the biggest fear for all (most people have trouble letting go).
    I think just like Jacinta in this real logical manner but unfortunately it doesn't take the emotion out of situation. I just am on this journey to control it.
    I am so glad that I have found a site just like this. It will help me put things into perspective and hopefully cope when and if I experience my next low.
    Best of luck with your Journey

  16. #16
    Destiny Eyes Guest

    I think the biggest hurdle is 'facing the reality' of the situation. I was talking to a friend today who was telling me that it took her aunt 5 years to conceive because she too was 'obsessed' with it - she would actually convince herself that she was pregnant and go see the doctor for confirmation #-o

    Like me you will find that this website is a godsend and that everyone in here has valuable information and knows exactly what you are going through.

    Good luck with your journey and hope to chat to you in the monthly forum