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Last edited by onthefly; June 18th, 2010 at 02:37 PM.
Crafty-I know you must feel like absolute crap right now and we are here for you but remember what you said you will not give up so easily you gave yourself another year at least so that is a year of hope there are plenty of women who fall pregnant naturally at 45-46 and you could very well be one of them you said yourself your were pregnant not that long ago so you just need to catch that last good egg your hanging on to.
crafty- that must have been really hard to listen to, but there is still hope
saffy- it is so hard dealing with those who simply don't understand. I have had to distance myself from some friends as a result, just for self protection. Hope you are going OK. People who havent walked in our shoes often just dont get it. Sometimes it makes me upset, but also angry and frustrated.
this is such a busy thread...I will try and keep up with this new one and be able to respond with personals a bit better!
afm- did another HPT at 12dpo...still only one line. I am disappointed but OK, as we have only just resumed trying after all, and a miracle straight away would have been way too much to expect.
Crafty - I'm so sorry your appt with FS did not give you better news BUT you and I both know statistics are for other people! You have 8 children with "non existent, never going to get you pregnant in a million years" sperm and I'm UTD on just about the same amount so POO them. Your eggs were good enough just last september, not that long ago. The fact is it is possible you just have to believe in that possibility. You have defied the odds 8 times you can do it again. I do agree counselling might be useful, one to help you deal with the grief of the mc and also to help you through these current feelings which really come down to grief too.
Possums - I am hugely impressed that you managed a year off. I found it hard just taking a month off here and there. I really hope your patience pays off soon with a lovely strong BFP. It might not be far away.
Porsche - I hope your temp rises tomorrow. Good luck for your appt.
Saffy - I'm feeling okay thanks, bit tired (fell asleep at 7.30 last night!). Alice is right some people have NO clue how their word affect us. I was at a party once and we played 2 truths and a lie and this girl said she'd had 2 mc and that turned out to be her lie. I was so angry I had to go inside and calm down I wanted to just scream at her if you'd ever had a mc you would know it is not something to be so flippant about. Clueless!
AFM - I hope you girls don't mind me staying here for a while longer. I'm not ready to go to PAML. My January BFP only lasted 4 days so I know just how quickly things can change. Someone said in the last thread that I am being very Zen about this pg and that's kind of how I feel. It will last or not and that's not up to me and I feel strangely calm with that. I think the fact that I got to the point of being able to say that even with all the heart ache I am still glad I had all my angels, however briefly, has really helped.
Thanks girls for your kind words it touches my heart that you all have time to think of me in this bad moment I am having,
feels so good to know someone apart from my DH really does care how I feel.
My DH went out at lunchtime today to get himself some menevit even though I told him not to bother as we just have to accept we not going to get pregnant again ! ( not so he says I will prove you wrong I know I will ) is the text message he sent me telling me he already got them and had taken one with his lunch.
Got to have a bit of hope for him if nothing else he is my rock at the end of the day and so are you ladies so thankyou once again for your thoughts
Oh Crafty what a sweetheart your Dh is. That sounds like something my DH would do. I agree with what Sunbeam said!
Sunbeam - I don't mind if you hang out here. I find your advise very helpful. I was told by my Gyn/Ob when we were UTD in Feb that being tired isn't a bad thing so if your tired then sleep. You need it.
I'm feeling a little excited DH and I and my mum sat down and discussed our ttc and baby plans i told them how long i want to continue with all this ivf and ttc and that if it didnt happen i would love to foster little ones as i love being a mum and i believe i am a good mum and i can offer a lot of time and love to children in need i don't feel my family is complete just yet.
I have raised 3 ADD boys with learning disabilities to be well behaved and and do pretty good at school with the extra tutoring and they are now well ajusted normal boys with lots of friends and one is working full time they are considerate and loving and i know i did a great job so far with them.
My job is stressing me and they are in the middle of restructuring and with shift cutting and changing my days i will now be working 10 hrs tue night 10 hrs wed night finishing at midnight and then starting back ay work thur morning at 8 am for a 10 hr shift and sunday 5 until 10pm so they have cut all my sunday hrs which is where all the money is and the late wed night finish and the early thur morning start will kill me.
DH wants me to leave and find work elsewhere but with my long service only 2 months away i want to get what i can out of them and then get maternity allowance if i can then i will leave.
I would rather be at home with children who need me than working in a sh#t job.
Ferrals, what a beautiful post. You are such a strong woman, with so much love in your heart, you deserve to be a mum again and if you decide that fostering is for you, I think you'd be wonderful at it. There are so many kids in need of good stable homes with lots of love and attention they would be thrilled to have you look after them. It is always in the back of my mind but I'm scared of not knowing what to do, of not being a good parent. I guess everyone feels like that before they have kids but somehow it seems more important when you are bringing up other people's children 'cause they need a lot of extra special care. You get an allowance for fostering too, it's not much, but if you gave up your job you wouldn't be completely without a second income. I reckon you should go for it!
Crafty, I'm glad you came out from behind your computer...I know I've said it before but your DH just sounds like the loveliest man - what a sweetheart! They just don't take no for an answer, do they?! I love his positive attitude - it's just what you need. You'll get there, I'm sure of it - come on, you have to or all my other good strong thoughts won't come true either and I need them!
Sunbeam, I can't speak for all the others but I'm happy for you to stay - great that you feel calm, it all helps I'm sure for that little one to stick. I can't wait to have that feeling again - I loved being pg.
Saffy, how was the rest of your day? I hope you got over that bad start and had a good end to the week - weekend is here now, time to relax!
Porsche, hope you get a nice rice in your temp tomorrow so you can get down to business!
Possums, hmm, that's confusing with another single line...I hope you don't have to wait much longer.
MatthewsMum - good luck for tomorrow - what time are you due in? I hope you sleep well tonight, rest up as much as you can 'cause the next nine months are going to be tiring! I hope your little blastie is thawing out nicely and getting ready to snuggle in. let us know how you go x
Mildez, hi, where are things up to for you at the moment?
I feel like I've missed someone - sorry if I have.
AFM, well, it has taken me five months but I've finally gotten up the courage to ring my FS for the pathology results from my mc. He was supposed to follow us up with it in February, and when he didn't, I just didn't have the courage to do it (same reason I never POAS - just can't face bad news, would rather avoid it as long as I can). What I'm worried about is that it'll be normal, which means it's just me not being able to have a baby. I've buried that one pretty deeply...still don't really want to know but at least I've asked now. I guess I can always not answer the phone LOL...avoid avoid avoid...night ladies x
evening all, possums-sorry it was another one liner...sunbeam-looking forward to reading you & bubs updates...ferrals-friend of mine fosters,he finds it very rewarding...alice-whatever the results show,we'll work through it...thanks ladies for your well wishes for tomorrow fet,i'm booked in for 11.15 ,so here's hoping
Matthew's Mum - Good luck today. I know your little frosty is just waitng for it's nice new warm home to live in for the next 9 months.
ferrals - Wow what a selfless thing to do. I think you would be terrific at fostering. That would be a difficult and very patient thing to do.
No temp rise this morning boo. Ah well not to worry. I'll discuss this with Dr D on Tuesday and see what he has to say.
Is any one doing IVF have PCOS? If so what type of cycle were you put on? Antagonist, downreg? I'm curious as to whether he'll put me on BCP first. I'm still learning they types of cycles so please correct me if I'm wrong lol.
I found out last night that DH has postponed his work trip until October and it's for 3 weeks not the 6-7 weeks it was originaly for Yay. Not that that was an issue because we were hoping to have some snowbubs to keep going with or a BFP.
I will get the ball rolling when the time is right for now we will still ttc a little longer but it looks like we will definately be doing ivf i had a big temp rise to 36.87 this morning 3 days before AF so got excited and poas and it was a BFN like i knew it would be dam those dud sperm that can't get into my eggs i want ****y eggs like sunbeam.
Mathewsmum-good luck today i hope your little embie thaws nicely.
Porsche-I am doing an antagonist cycle again it worked really well for me last time and was quick and easy i just have to watch my E2 as it got to over 16,000 but i had no signs of OHSS.
I refused to go on the pill with my first cycle as i said i have never been able to take it because it actually messes my cycles up with irregular bleeding and migraines and some even gave me a sort of morning sickness when i took it lol so they just went with the antagonist cycle.
Alice-I found it doesn't really matter what the results say you will still second guess yourself and blame something you did or didn't do thats what women do i know what happened to Abbi was genetic and out of our hands but i still blamed myself so getting a reason still didn't make me feel any better i just felt awful that it was DH and i that were the reason Abbi was sick it was our gene's and if the results come back with no reason there is always going to be the WHY!!!! question and that will never be answered because it is mother nature and we have no control over her so please don't dwell on the WHY!!! and WHAT IF'S because it doesn't help just try to be positive that you can get pregnant and focus on what is yet to come.
AFM-3 days until AF i have all my paperwork ready to ring the nurses and get this show on the road.
I want ****ty eggs too ferrals. Well maybe mine are its the tubes that prevent them from meeting. DH sperm certainly aren't interested in them thats for sure.
Alice I am going to O soon from tubeless side so this month is out before its begun. But 18days to go til I see the Dr about starting IVF. Hopefully it all goes ahead quickly and not more and more waiting. Was going to ask you something about hydrosalphinx as I thought I must have had this due to the pain in my tube side however the lap said not and it was opened. That was 10ish months ago so could things change do you think? And how do you get it? I imagine an infection which I have had and I don't think they got rid of it. ARRR its such a mind game isn't it? And I am trying to get DH to go to the Dr. I think there is something wrong with him. The semen was funny coloured not happy Jan. He thought it was from me but it definately wasn't.
Mildez, my hydrosalpinx was caused by endometriosis (which was extensive grade 5 by the time it was diagnosed) so I'm not sure what else can cause it - I've read pelvic inflammatory disease but don't know what they entails and you'd probably know if you had that. Usually when it happens, it occurs in both tubes, and my remaining tube was described as 'sticky' at the time of my op, though some dye could get through, but within 6 months it was blocked (and probably should have been removed in hindsight). I had so much pain from the endo that I can't tell you whether that was a symptom of the hydrosalpinx - the main symptom that I got that made me know something wasn't right was a sudden rush of fluid - not like any other type of discharge (mucus, AF, etc) - just suddenly wet, like water. Don't know if this helps.
Why did you loose your other tube? (if you don't mind me asking) That probably gives you and idea about what's going on with the other one. If you've had an infection you should definitely talk to your FS about having antibiotics with your IVF cycle - as you've probably read in my other posts. Yes, probably good to get your DH looked at too - it can only help to know everything that is going on for both of you.
Unless your tube is stuck down you CAN pick up an egg from the opposite ovary, though obviously the chances are lower than when you ovulate from the same side. Unfortunately, my remaining tube and ovary are on opposite sides, and both are adhered to my pelvic wall so IVF is the only way for me.
Good luck with your appointment in a few weeks time - I hope you get some answers and you can move on quickly to a BFP.
MatthewsMum - hoping this morning went well. Thinking of you x
Thanks for your reply Alice. I lost one tube from an ectopic pregnancy. Perhaps I have had two but definately one. I did have a pregnancy of unknown location which failed on its own that they thought was ectopic but no proof then I did have the definate ectopic which resulted in me loosing a tube. My remaining tube can not pick up from the other side as it is stuck down although they assure me it is opened. I have not have another pregnancy since loosing my tube. I did have pelvic inflammatory disease whihc has obviously been the cause of the tubal damage as well as endometriosis. I also haven't had an STD to my knowledge (and am a low risk unless DH had an affair which to my knowledge he hasn't) so was suppose to be low risk of having that but somehow I did. So I have a double wammy. I'll definately be asking about antibiotics with my IVF cycle. Even if it doesn't help as long as it doesn't reduce the chances I'd rather take them just incase if you knwo what I mean. It stinks been affected by this when I have been careful, not promiscious etc. I cared for a woman recently who has herpes, clymidia and syphilis as well as genital warts and how come she gets pregnant? I mean each to their own but I don't understand why some of us do the right things and can't get pregnant or do and have a poor outcome. It makes me mad and I hate been a midwife at times. I shouldn't have to see that lol
Anyway should look at the positives I guess. Apparently both ovaries look good on lap and they dont know where the pain is coming from and we are starting IVF soon and are told we have good odds so can only think positive hey? Surely it will work eventually if we try long enough. Well I hope so anyway.
I'm sorry to read what you've been through Mildez...how you look after other women having babies is beyond me when you have to deal with your own fertility problems, you are a very strong woman! IKWYM about the pelvic inflammatory diesease and being low risk and still getting it...so not fair! My TCM practitioner thinks candida can cause inflammation so that is one of the first things she deals with - getting rid of any candida in the digestive tract (not necessarily the same as having thrush though when I think back on it, I have had problems with that in the past so that was probably a telling sign). The diet is challenging, but ultimately, it's just food and once you are organised for it, it's not such a big deal (though I do miss cake!). The other thing you can do is take herbs for flushing and I've also read that massage of your tube is helpful to unblock though I haven't tried that. Antiobiotics definitely can't hurt and can make sure that there is no infection in your remaining tube which can cause problems with implantation apparently. Be worth talking to your FS about tall these things. Fingers crossed it all comes good for us both!! Yes, stay positive, if you ovaries are in good shape then that is a big pluls. One of mine has given up the ghost (completely inactive) and the other is soldiering on and doing all the work for me so hoping she's still got a few good eggs left in her! As for the pain, well that can be awful to live with - I did a pain management meditation course a few years ago and that was really helpful - your GP might be able to help you with that. I was on 2 panadine forte, every four hours and it just wasn't sustainable so you have to find other ways to deal with it than medication. Good luck and let us know how your appointment goes x
Ferrals - I think your plan sounds awesome. You obviously have all the patience, love and commitment it takes to raise children with higher needs plus the experience of doing it. I think it would be a great role for you. I have a friend who's mum has fostered since my friend was a baby and has had over 200 children through her doors, she usually has about 6-8 at any one time, she says it keeps her young . I also think it helps to have a plan, it sure helped me, and still helps me to know that my life will go on doing something worthwhile even if i never get a baby. Wish I could give you and Mildez some advice on how to get your eggs to be more ****ty . Sorry today was a BFN
Alice - how do you know it is your tubeless side this month?
Porsche - sorry there was no temp rise, I hope AF hurries up if there's no eggie.
Mathewsmum - Good luck for tomorrow
Crafty - Is your fighting spirit coming back yet? Big hugs.
AFM- Donor daddy is fine with me not getting my HCG numbers as he does not want me stressing about them. I am looking forward to seeing the TCM lady tomorrow morning and seeing what she recommends.
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LT TTC after Miscarriage and Loss #2
. I also think it helps to have a plan, it sure helped me, and still helps me to know that my life will go on doing something worthwhile even if i never get a baby. Wish I could give you and Mildez some advice on how to get your eggs to be more ****ty
. Sorry today was a BFN
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