Worried its all over

[sassba32]

Hi Collo, no way you have every right to be upset, i do it every month, i may preach but I dont always practice positive thinking! I've had a couple of ttc meltdowns in the last year.
After a while it's damn hard every single month! The waiting and wondering if it will ever happen. Losing faith in your body is very hard to deal with. I think bw might be right about second opinion.
If you feel frustrated then you have to change the dynamic somehow. You need to feel confident, even a doc that has no bedside manner can still make you feel comfortable if they are thorough in their care for you.
Don't read too much into the reason for spotting, as they say, every woman is different and what is normal for one is not for another. Be kind to yourself and try to stay positive for now.
I got my blood test back today and my hcg level was back at zero so I must have miscarried last week. I was barely pregnant by looks of things. I really did feel pregnant before "af" I didn't even know until it was already over. Funny the way things work out? I'm ok, sad, but at least I know I can get pregnant for the first time in this whole ttc nightmare!
Thanks for asking, sassba

[butterfly_warrior]

private message. It's sent now - it's rather long and full of my babble, but I hope there's something useful for you in there.

You should have got a pop up to let you know it has arrived.

BW

[collo04]

Hey I got the msg and sent a reply.

Im sorry saassba about your loss but as you said at least you no you can get pregnant. Your words of advice are so helpful Ive even stopped crying and devoured a peice of cheese cake and some chips.. hehehe.

[collo04]

Okay I have composed myself and thanks to all you wonderful wonderful and beautiful souls who care so much about a complete stranger Im feeling ok. BW you have made a big difference in my outlook on my situation and now I have a plan. I live for plans and when there is no plan I go crazy, but I guess you have all probably notioced that Im sorry for being down but we have decied to get a second opinon and possibly chamge clinics.

You guys are so good i cant thank you enough....

[briggsy's girl]

i've just read through this post hun, and i'm so glad BW's advice (and the kind words of everyone here) has helped to lift your spirits and give you a plan of attack. it doesn't negate the pain you're feeling, but it helps to accept it

i really hope things turn out ok for you hun - big hugs coming your way

[butterfly_warrior]

Only too happy to help, collo.

Been were you are before, and I know it's a dark and scary place and can be hard to find your way out of.

Yay for seeing a happier collo again!

BW

[Lissie]

Hey Collo,
Just wanted to pop in and wish you all the luck in the world and hoping you are feeling a little better, just remember its only over when you quit!
Sending you and thinking of you. Keep positive (I know sometimes thats easier said than done). This journey is such a rollacoaster isn't it.

[sonya1]

BB is great isnt it.. when i was down or confused all of you LTTTC & AC girls helped me through with support, kind words and understanding. i truly hope all is fine for you collo - but at least you have found out about another clinic. we always need options and second opinions. take care of yourself. i reckon a big steaming mug of hot choccie and maybe a marshmallow or two might help...

[Julie M]

Hi collo,
This is my first message and your messages were the first I went to, I know exactly how you are feeling and I know it's hard to find anyone out there that can even slightly understand how you feel. I started trying to fall pregnant at the age of 23 and I am now 40, I gave up hope 12 months ago and decided to get on with life. I then came across something that changed my life.. "The law of attaction" I know this is starting to sound a little heavy but it's not. I had to BELIEVE i could have a baby. I got out a note book and wrote only positive afermations "I will fall pregnant and have a baby my baby wil be strong and healthy". (There was a little more in it but you get the idea) I wrote that down over 200 times. I really beleived it could happen. No longer did I say, I'm giving the IVF another go. I said, I am going to have a baby. Guess what I'm now pregnant!!!! 17 years of trying1 What a mirical. I know how hard it is to pull yourself out of the hole but take one little step at a time, it gets easier and easier.

Thanks everyone it means so much to me. I thought the dissappointment would be a thing of the past when decided go through IVF but the disappointment with each failure just seems so intense. O be okay you just have to be I guess .

csab - Thanks honey but my body does this every month so I m pretty sure another cycle has bitten the dust. I just dont no how to get a doctor to investigate things further. No professional seems to care. I cant keep putting us both through this if we have no answers to why we cant fall pregnant.

[JellyBean]

Hi Collo,

I'm sorry to hear of your disapointment.
I was just wondering, have you and your hubby tried going to a Naturopath?? One that specialises in natural fertility management? Often seemingly healthy couples are unable to fall preg due to unseen toxicity levels in the body. A pre-conceptual care program will have both you and your hubby put on a specific de-toxing eating regime with herbs, supplements and perhaps even homeopathy to cleanse to reproductive organs and lower your reproductive age. I think often the women put so much pressure on themselves and feel themselves a failure, whereas you are only 50% of the cause!! Make sure your hubby is totally free of alcohol, coffee and sugar etc for a couple of months before trying as this will produce stronger sperm. And make sure that you both eat loads of organic veg- and cut out any pre-existing chemicals in your life- household products, personal care products etc. Natural Instinct is a brand that offers chemical free alternatives for personal care products and household cleaning products. Miessence is also good but more expensive- although it offers chemical-free make-up. And try Natracare for organic cotton tampons etc. Most commercial brands contain toxic dyes which increase toxicity in the vagina and reproductive organs.
Sorry to overload with info- I'm sure you are doing everything in your power- I wish you all the best and send my prayers. XX

[collo04]

Thanks to everyone who has dived in and rescued me from feeling totally helpless all your suggestions sound so positive so Im going to try every one of them. AF is definately coiming spotting has increased... Thought Id do a hpt and each time (4) there is a shadow of a line but I think that is the evaporation line... You really have to stare to find it. ah well

[sonya1]

i thought a line was still a line collo? when is your BT?

[collo04]

Hey Sonya BT is next wednesday but the line doesnt appear in the time allowed you can see it more prominately once it dries, so Im guesing it just that evaporation line. But I hoping that I may have been jumping to conclusions cause spotting has gone from a browny red to a really pale brown seems to be slowing boy I hope this month its the usually sign that AF is coming, and that its my babies snuggling in . It scares me to think that in case Im get my hopes up.

[butterfly_warrior]

Collo, just remember that I had a BFN on a HPT the day before my blood test. It would be great if it turns out you can cancel the appointment you just made!

BW

[collo04]

I am so hoping. I just did another HPTR and got a negative. Im still spotting but I have wicked period pain like I do on day one of bleeding its cd 26 I ovulated on day 12 or 13 the clinic said said AF is due any time. STAY AWAY you evil witch Im thinking a bit more positively atm maybe that will help..........

[Cuddlepie]

Fingers crossed for you collo...

[collo04]

Hi beie bei thanks

If I was going to get a BFP when should I expect to show up on a HPT ? Sick of doing them and seeing a negative result... Oh and I dont know much about charting cycles I started last month but My temp has been doing crazy things. here it is cd 23 37.9 cd 24 37.2 cd25 37.5 cd 26[B] 37.6[/B] So what does this mean Is it a good sign ??? Im totally clueless

[sonya1]

hope the wicked witch stays away...