I'm currently on a traineeship which finishes 12th Dec, I then have a temporary position at the place where I am working at the moment which will go until 6 Feb. After that I'm not sure if there will be another position there available for me, my supervisor is trying (without much success at the moment!) to get funding from the budget to employ me in a full time position. I'm due to have bubs in late June/early July, so potentially I may not have a job from Feb until then. I don't like my chances of getting a job in another organisation being pg, and to be honest I do kind of understand why an employer wouldn't want to employ me at the moment, although I know it is discrimination...
DF & I were talking about it last night, he pretty much said that he expects me to go straight back to work after having the baby (or within say 3 months of having it). He is self-employed and mostly works from home, however he does sit in front of his computer for around 18+ hours a day...occasionally he gets IT jobs out in the field, but I don't see how believes he can run his business and look after the baby while I am at work..I mean, being a stay at home parent is a full time job in itself! Besides, I know I would prefer to be a SAHM, and definitely do not think I would be ready within 3-6 months of having birth to turn around and go back to work again...
DF believes I should, because we need the money, at the moment while his business is doing ok, it's not exactly raking it in and he isn't drawing a wage from the business at all, so I guess I am sort of the main breadwinner (on my crappy trainee wage ). He can be stubborn, and hard-headed, particularly if he strongly believes in something, he won't back down. I don't know how to tell him that I am just not going to be ready to go back to work that soon, and how does he expect to do his own work, and look after a little baby as well? You can't just feed it and put it back to bed again...it's a lot more involved than that.
I'm not sure if we will be eligible for any assistance from Centrelink, as his business does bring in quite a lot of money (but a lot goes back out in expenses too...). Can't remember the exact financials, but DF doesn't think we will get anything from them. Sent them an enquiry email last night so will see what that brings.
Oh boy...does he see why I worry about money now??? He always keeps telling me, dont worry, it will be fine blah blah blah...well, I don't think it will be!
And if you got through all that...you deserve a big block of choccie
You may find that he won't change his mind until he is confronted with the reality of life with a baby and realises that it won't necessarily be all that he thinks it is... And that's something to keep in mind as well. I know it's stressing you, but keep in mind that everything will change when the baby arrives, and even though he can be completely determined about what will happen at this point, his mind will more than likely change then as well.
hun, unless your DF is raking in mega bucks you will get assistance from centrelink, especially if you have no earnings for the financial year (and by the sound of it, so long as you dont go back to work, you wont be earning anything in 09/10 fin year).
Have a play with the on line calculators - it wont be a massive amount, but if you stop and do full calcualations (child care costs, work clothes costs, transport etc) it may very well not work out for you to earn a cent!
As soon as he realises how much work a baby is going to be on a day to day basis he will change his mind. He's not going to be able to run his business and look after your baby and he'll see that you really do need to be at home.
My DH has said he only wants me to take 12 months off (which is what we are saving for right now) and then go back to work full time. But I can almost guarantee that he will change his mind when he realises his little guy/girl has to spend everyday in childcare and we would miss out on that time with them. You can't get those years back but I don't expect him to understand that until he actually does become a father.
Just go with the flow for now babe - he will soon realise that you need to be at home and be "Mum" while he starts bringing home the bacon.
Just to second amysarah's post - when that little one is running around, baby will become the priority, NOT the cash - and I can almost guarantee that he will not want some stranger caring for your little one when they cant even talk to tell you what happened that day!
Ride the flow, get all the info you can from Clink for now and he will finally come around
Can you look for work that you can do from home or on a casual basis? Doing sales consulting for party plans, MCN rep etc could be an idea just to keep some money coming in while you are on leave?
if your partner isn't technically clearing anything (or much) from the business when you take out expenses (profit and loss) you'll be eligible for assistance. if he is clearing less than 1400 per fortnight (you should be able to work this out from his last tax return where expenses have been taken out), you'll qualify for an amount of parenting payment partnered. if you qualify for this, you'll also qualify for max rate ftba (around 150 a fortnight) and part of ftbb (depending on how much ppp is paid) - anything up to 130 a fortnight
i think your partner has to take of his rose colored glasses and wake up to what raising an infnat is really like. you simply cannot expect them to fit in with your work from home hours if you're working 18 hours a day. they don't need a feed just because it's lunch time and you have half hour off the puter! they are demanding, and NEED constant attention!!
if i were you, i'd be putting my foot down and simply saying no, we'll make it work, but i'm not going to have our child be an inconvenience to you in your work day. If, after the baby arrives, he pulls his finger out, can keep his business going AND take time out that is sufficient for the baby, then maybe you can rethink it, but i'd be making it clear that, until the baby arrives and you see how things are going, you're not "planning" a return to work at all!
Just thought I'd add that I got a job when I was 5 months pregnant - they knew full well that I was UTD and they were more than happy to hire me. I finished up with them 1 week before DS was born, and I didn't get maternity leave of course. It suited their needs and it suited mine too.
Don't assume that no-one will want to hire you when you are pregnant, you should still try. You might be surprised.
Oh, and a SAHM is a great job too - tougher than your DP thinks! One day without you around, and he'll change his mind, i'm sure.
My DH was the opposite. He knew it was going to be financially tough as did I. But this was one of his main reasons for not wanting to try for a baby. I then saved my butt of for 2 years and saved $ just to prove to him that we could afford a baby and now our baby is almost here.
As for Centerlink. The new baby bonus 'means test' will affect you. If you both earn more than $75'000 combined income over 6 months then you wont get any assistance. But if you earn under that combined you will get some assistance. And I think it is something like $380 a fortnight. My DH is in IT and although he does not have his own business he is on OK money. But because I will not be earning a living in that first 6 months we will be under the $75'000 combined income so we will get some assistance for at least the first 6 months.
I will go back to work part time after 3 months (at this stage) but I can work from home. Then after 3 months of doing that I am back at work full time but some days in the office and some at home. I feel very blessed to have such flexibility but still the thought of feeling like I HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK is frightening. So I can sympathise with you on that.
And if your anything like me this will eat at you until you both meet a compromise. I went through this at your stage of pregnancy and I lost sleep over it until we sat down and I explained how worried I was. In fact when we booked into the hospital I had a quick sych evaluation for the possibility of post natal depression (hospital policy) and while DH sat next to me the nurse said my results came back border line and I think it was then that DH realised just how worried I was about work and money.
My long winded post simply says. Try and sort out a compromise soon cause although things will change when the baby comes. You still have the rest of your pregnancy to go and you don't need this playing on your mind when you need to be looking after yourself!
His whole world will be turned upside down. DH works from home and although he never wanted me go back to work it made him build an onsite office to get out of the house, he couldn't concentrate on his work with DD around.
He is in IT too so I think you will find your hubby has the same problem, it was too hard for him to focus on his work when DD was awake.
Hi hun I agree that your DP will probably be shocked by how much time a baby needs! I have hired pregnant people plenty of times for contract roles or temp roles and it can be a great arrangement for both you and the employer. One because you know you can work for x number of the months and your employer is safe in the fact that you won't be off trying to get a full-time job which happens a lot with temp employees! Start scoping around now at agencies and see if you can get some level of comfort around potential temp roles just in case you need it.
Goodluck!
As the others have said, it doesn't sound like he has a real understanding of the reality of a new baby. You should keep negotiations open with DH, but don't push him too much until after the baby is born and he has a chance to see for himself. It may be that he has to reconsider drawing a wage for himself out of the business, or look into other avenues of financial support. maybe point out to him that there would be the cost of childcare (even if he is at home, he will be working!). But don't push him on it too hard too quick - because if he is anything like my DH and all the other males I know, he will get defensive about and even more stubborn and refuse to change his mind, or even consider other alternatives.
Also maybe you could look into a career change, a work at home job - or taking on a different time burden (ie, casual, part-time or after hours). find a job that suits your new lifestyle. I have a job that requires me to work as a casual, only a couploe of nights a week - the money isn't great because of the short hours, but without childcare costs etc, we seem to have about as much as if I worked fulltime. There are also options such as tupperware, Avon, etc.
I hope he changes his priorities around. Either his business starts earning the $$ to support the FAMILY or he can go and get a bloody trainee job somewhere....
Lol Lulu! Well good news is I am now off my traineeship, so earning decent wages- about twice what I was earning as a trainee! I'm still at the same place, doing the same job, just in a temporary position, but that is only until the end of this month. There is an opportunity for me to stay on doing what I am doing as there is a permanent full time position about to be advertised for it. So fingers crossed I am successful! Only people who already work in the organisation are able to apply for it, so hopefully I will be the only one applying! But still, I won't be eligible for maternity leave I don't think, although they are fairly flexible employers, and being a government job too...so I dont know.
Need to figure something out though, at the moment I'm paying all the bills/groceries etc, as of this morning DF's business account has about $500 in it which is quite scary...towards the end of the month a stack of invoices are due to be paid by customers so that should help somewhat, but have to survive until then, so at this stage I don't see how he plans to draw a wage from it at all in the near future! *gulp*
I;m sure something will turn up....until then I'll try not to worry too much! But thanks everyone for your support, it does make it easier to stress less!
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Won't be eligible for Mat. leave
). He can be stubborn, and hard-headed, particularly if he strongly believes in something, he won't back down. I don't know how to tell him that I am just not going to be ready to go back to work that soon, and how does he expect to do his own work, and look after a little baby as well? You can't just feed it and put it back to bed again...it's a lot more involved than that.
He always keeps telling me, dont worry, it will be fine blah blah blah...well, I don't think it will be!
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