I know I should be hoping for a healthy baby, but I really hope this is a boy & that thats the reason I'm not as sick. I really want a boy before I give up, but I don't think I'll have another one either way.
I totally understand the grieving for making the decision not to have any more. I hate that the reason I don't want any more is just coz I can't handle the sickness, & not because I feel that my family is complete.
DH has alot of people around him, my father included making little comments that he's not a man til he has a boy. Most of them are joking, but my dad has given him a hard time from day 1 & is not about to give up now. & I want a little man of my own.
DH & I talked about having a big family, like 8 kids, but even though we would both love to we both know I can't go through this again. My mum is surprised I'm doing it a third time.
I kinda feel like I'm not a full person or woman because of it. It sounds silly I know there are so many people out there who an't have kids, but I just can't get rid of that feeling. My best friend can't have kids naturally & doesn't know if IVF will work either as she has alot of damage to her uterus & as much as I would love to offer to go surrogate for her, I can't even do that. She would never let me even if I did. I think she'd rather go without babies of her own than let me go through that for her.
Why aren't we normal. Why should we go through this to love & look after our kids when there are people out there who have no problems at all & have kids to abandon, abuse & neglect them.
Thankyou all so much for letting me know I'm not alone. Especially for letting me know that other people stop having kids for this reason too.