It's not like I'm busy with work or anything to make it not a good time to go for it!
Leaving work has left us with the finances to be able to do it now, and I suspect that if we wait too much longer that money will get used up on other things (like fixing DH's bomb of a car that I would LOVE to be rid of!).
And I do have to admit that as the mtx is having no impact on the arthritis at the moment because I haven't taken it properly for so long and I'm looking at a 6-8 week wait before it even starts to be effective again even if I was allowed to take it, and a similar wait for any of the other drugs that I'm not allowed to try...
On paper it looks like a good idea to go now. But the fact that a doctor has come out and said it makes me panic.
In reality, I am a very unwell woman dealing with chronic pain and fatigue and some days Sam is more than I can cope with. I've just left work because I was too unwell and if I can ever get my butt into gear will be applying for a disability pension. It seems that there is a gigantic question mark over my ability to cope with two children. I was severely anemic while pregnant with Sam and we never really did get on top of it, so coping with an active toddler while pregnant seems high doubtful...
This may seem strange but I have moments where I wish we didn't have frozen embryos so that I could simply close the door on IVF and more children... but it's impossible to do when we have two frozen embryos waiting for us.
I want to go for number 2... but in the next heartbeat I'm absolutely petrified and convinced I won't cope and number 2 would be a seriously bad idea.
huge hugs huni - i really do understand the dilemma. iam waiting to go back to my fs and talk about the reality of pregnancy with the state my womb and organs are in and the pain etc from the scarred tissue. iam on morphine aswell for the pain so i don't know what to do myself.
i think you need to talk to your DH. I really hope things improve hun- its not easy.
if you want to talk pm me, lots of hugsxxxx
BW,
You have a lot of thinking and talking to do, and I hope you can come to a decision which feels right.
On the issue of anaemia in pregnancy I have a similar probem. I had iron injections (ow) in my first pregnancy, and nearly took myself to hospital towards the end of my last pregnancy as I couldn't stand up at all and felt very desparate. I have spoken to an ob and midwife about it and next pregnancy we are going to go for iron infusions from the outset. They are extremely effective and just require heading to the day unit of the local hospital. So maybe if you could have a similar plan that would be one less thing to worry about?
I know a couple of mums with Rheumatoid arthritis (sounds similar to your condition). Some days are harder than others and no doubt its bloody hard work. Good support is really important for the bad days, and eventually your little kids become big kids and don't have so many physical needs... Is there a support group that you could perhaps talk to others about their experiences of parenthood?
Good luck,
PollyA, I have a serum-negative form of rheumatoid arthritis, so you were right on the mark! It isn't causing joint damage but can and will flare up in every single joint of my body - even some of the really fun non-movable joints. I had bad flares after pregnancy which made caring for my new-born a little tricky. In some ways it was good that he was born at 36 weeks weighing just under 2.5kg - I had a very sleepy, light baby who did the newborn eat/sleep thing for a bit longer than most babies. He's now a hyperactive 13kg 18 month old, though. I will certainly keep your suggestions in mind for how to deal with the anemia in a future pregnancy - thank you for that information!
I still haven't spoken to DH. He worked ridiculously long hours on Monday and is quite tired and run down. This morning I did mention the liver problems and the switch from methotrexate back to prednisone - but that was it. When he's in this kind of state, small amounts of information at a time work best. It came up because he wanted to take last night's left overs for lunch today and have lamb shanks for dinner tonight. There's no way my liver in its current state will cope with a meal of lamb shanks (too greasy, I don't much like eating lamb at the best of times!) so I said I'd do the lamb shanks for him and Sam, but would have last night's left overs for dinner instead. He seemed ok with that. I guess there's no particular hurry to make a firm decision yet on what I want to do. I have to give it a little time for the methotrexate to get out of my system before we do anything, anyway.
I won't increase the salazopyrin until my liver feels a bit less congested, and my rheumy wants me to stay on the megafol until I am advised otherwise by FS/OB. I have ridiculously high folate levels from the last check my GP did, but I'll be a good girl and follow instructions. Ironically, in that last check, I also had very high iron levels and currently don't take any supplements containing iron! Already have the calcium/vitamin D supplements going to help my bones cope with the prednisone's calcium depletion...
Rambling... I just wish it was an easier decision to make!
Hi BW. You seem to be going through a very tough time. Have you weighed up the positives and negatives about having another baby. Actually write them down and look at them and analyse. It's easy to say you want another baby but it has a big effect on your life and the life of your child and husband. I am in the same position. My DH desperately wants another but I know that I am not healthy enough to cope with another. Be good to yourself, you are going through alot.
You have me speechless darl, I really don't know what to say. I can't offer any wisdom, but I wanted you to know I'm here if you ever wanna PM me as a sounding board
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what a tough decision. Whatever you choose will be the right thing. Just trust yourselves and go with whatever it is life throws at you.
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