Not sure if this is the right forum for this, but it seems to be the best place I can think of...
Last Friday I skipped my methotrexate.
The one before that I took 10mg instead of the usual 17.5mg
Before that I skipped it completely.
Before that I took 10mg.
Before that I skipped it completely
Before that was the last time I actually took my full dose as prescribed.
I had blood taken on Thursday in preparation for an appointment with my rheumatologist today. I expected my inflammation markers to be sky-high, but everything else to be ok. I expected to get a lecture on not taking my methotrexate and another one for not calling when I was obviously in so much pain from my blood test results.
What I got... Inflammation markers better than they have been in a while and liver enzymes worse than they have been since I started on the mtx. As they were perfect before we started, that's been the final straw for my rheumy. No more mtx.
Current plan... adding 5mg of prednisone per day. I'd actually done this myself two days ago and am finding that I've gone very quickly from the woman who couldn't get off the lounge to being able to cope with Sam solo through bed time last night. I feel fine today, just tired, but you expect that after episodes of severe pain. Increasing my salazopyrin from 2g per day, initially to 2.5g per day if we can do it without my head falling off, and if I'm ok after a month we can go to 3g per day.
And the scary part of this - my rheumy has suggested that going back to IVF is a now or never kind of thing. We have to kick the mtx before it completely trashes my liver, and he really doesn't want to go to the other options until we have closed the door on IVF.
So now I just need to collar DH and get him to sit down and talk to me about whether we go back again or not.
Weird that I'm so freaked out by hearing my rheumy say it when it was what I was thinking anyway...
And I guess that the all-too familiar pain in my chest that I thought was sore joints in my rib cage (because it eased when I took my bra off) is actually an inflamed and very unhappy liver - which coincides with taking the amoxycillin duo forte which is unfortunately the only antibiotic that does anything for my sinus infections but has a long history of pretty severely trashing my liver. Dammit.
Maybe. Last time I brought it up with DH (only a couple of days ago) he just asked me if I could cope with two. Previously when I mentioned that I wanted to wait until Sam was 4 he got cranky about "how old do you want me to be?".
I just don't know where he's at... and he's in a mood tonight so I can't really bring it up easily and expect a sensible discussion!
It's not like I'm busy with work or anything to make it not a good time to go for it!
Leaving work has left us with the finances to be able to do it now, and I suspect that if we wait too much longer that money will get used up on other things (like fixing DH's bomb of a car that I would LOVE to be rid of!).
And I do have to admit that as the mtx is having no impact on the arthritis at the moment because I haven't taken it properly for so long and I'm looking at a 6-8 week wait before it even starts to be effective again even if I was allowed to take it, and a similar wait for any of the other drugs that I'm not allowed to try...
On paper it looks like a good idea to go now. But the fact that a doctor has come out and said it makes me panic.
In reality, I am a very unwell woman dealing with chronic pain and fatigue and some days Sam is more than I can cope with. I've just left work because I was too unwell and if I can ever get my butt into gear will be applying for a disability pension. It seems that there is a gigantic question mark over my ability to cope with two children. I was severely anemic while pregnant with Sam and we never really did get on top of it, so coping with an active toddler while pregnant seems high doubtful...
This may seem strange but I have moments where I wish we didn't have frozen embryos so that I could simply close the door on IVF and more children... but it's impossible to do when we have two frozen embryos waiting for us.
I want to go for number 2... but in the next heartbeat I'm absolutely petrified and convinced I won't cope and number 2 would be a seriously bad idea.
huge hugs huni - i really do understand the dilemma. iam waiting to go back to my fs and talk about the reality of pregnancy with the state my womb and organs are in and the pain etc from the scarred tissue. iam on morphine aswell for the pain so i don't know what to do myself.
i think you need to talk to your DH. I really hope things improve hun- its not easy.
if you want to talk pm me, lots of hugsxxxx
That wasn't the appointment I expected!
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But baby time again...?!!! 
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