It's not like I'm busy with work or anything to make it not a good time to go for it!

Leaving work has left us with the finances to be able to do it now, and I suspect that if we wait too much longer that money will get used up on other things (like fixing DH's bomb of a car that I would LOVE to be rid of!).

And I do have to admit that as the mtx is having no impact on the arthritis at the moment because I haven't taken it properly for so long and I'm looking at a 6-8 week wait before it even starts to be effective again even if I was allowed to take it, and a similar wait for any of the other drugs that I'm not allowed to try...

On paper it looks like a good idea to go now. But the fact that a doctor has come out and said it makes me panic.

In reality, I am a very unwell woman dealing with chronic pain and fatigue and some days Sam is more than I can cope with. I've just left work because I was too unwell and if I can ever get my butt into gear will be applying for a disability pension. It seems that there is a gigantic question mark over my ability to cope with two children. I was severely anemic while pregnant with Sam and we never really did get on top of it, so coping with an active toddler while pregnant seems high doubtful...

This may seem strange but I have moments where I wish we didn't have frozen embryos so that I could simply close the door on IVF and more children... but it's impossible to do when we have two frozen embryos waiting for us.

I want to go for number 2... but in the next heartbeat I'm absolutely petrified and convinced I won't cope and number 2 would be a seriously bad idea.

BW