thread: Another Angel

  1. #19
    pukeko Guest

    Becc, finally I get to write something in here for you. To be honest, I havent known what to stay...I have just been so damn angry at the world for you. Honestly my beliefs at what goes around comes around oin a karma sense have really been blown out of the water lately. All I see is people who really deserve something, have it taken away. Maybe I'm a bit pesimistic lately...

    I was so happy to have you to start this journey together with...and now I guess I'm hit with a strange sense of 'survivor guilt'.

    All I can say I will think of you through however far I get with this PG.

    ALl my hugs and thoughts. Hope to hear fro you soehow


  2. #20
    meg Guest

    becc, just checking in to see how you are today. I know that sometimes when I have had hard times I read posts and appreciated them, but haven't had the strength to always write back. If this is where you are at, I am really happy to keep posting even if you can't reply. Have been thinking of you lots and knowing this must be a really hard time for you and your DH. How are your DH and family going? I am sure that they are all having those thoughts like you about why me/us, it isn't fair, which it just isn't! and such the like. You have been a good support to many of us on our journeys, and you have been a example for your courage and capacity to forgive through the tragic loss of your Georgia, so please let us know if there is anything we can do to help you. I can only guess what you are feeling right now, but hoping that you are giving yourself the space and time to grieve for you loss. I know that it must be very different to losing Georgia and I don't want to compare my experiences as yours are very different to ours, but I do know that the more times we m/ced it hit harder each time, and it was only really after our moonbeam that we let ourselves slow down and grieve and I know I really needed to do that. I don't know how this feels compared to the loss of Georgia, but you have had a loss, and although it is meant to be not as hard because you were not as far along, it sometimes is and be Ok with that. You have lost the dreams and hopes that go along with that baby, so it often doesn't matter. I have been thinking very much of you and am sending you lots of love and hope.

  3. #21
    Registered User

    Aug 2004
    Sth East Melbourne


    I just wanted to say that meg has been able to say exactly what I was thinking. I hope you are doing ok and keeping in touch, even if you aren't posting.

    I have been thinking of you non stop for the last few days and wishing I was able to give you a hug but I can't so please take care and look after eachother.

    Lots of luv

  4. #22
    BellyBelly Member

    Apr 2004

    Last edited by Bec77; December 21st, 2007 at 07:35 PM.

  5. #23
    meg Guest

    dear Becc,
    Thankyou for your beautiful reply to all of us. Even when you are in the space that you are in you have the ability to express kindness so well. I absolutely had those thoughts of being shell shocked and thinking we couldn't have that much bad luck for it to happen again for us, that it bad enough to go through it once, but more than once is just plain unfair. I think that reality also hit that it wasn't just chance, that there had to be something wrong with us and that was hard. It some ways it helps to have a reason, but in other ways it is even scarier. I also felt angry that maybe it could have been prevented, that if people had taken me more seriously, maybe it wouldn't have happened again. At the same time, I think what will be will be, but at times it has been hard to let go of that anger. So no, you are completely normal with every thought you are having, and you are right to wonder why it has happened to you again.As you know I am also low anticardiolipin antibody positive. I do know that we were told that aspirin is only effective when you take it prior to conception, as it is really important for that time of attachment. I hate to think that you may have missed this window by a few days, but if this is the case it does mean that your chances will obviously be alot better next time. I know I had one biochem pregnancy when I started taking aspirin post conception, and with this one I took it before, but I have also taken clexane from 4 to 14 weeks, am now off it which is a bit scary but I think it is all fine. The research is positive for women with antiphospholipid syndrome, when treated correctly it is a 70% chance of a live birth, which seeing as anyone's odds are 85% it is not too bad. There is a yahoo group for women with antiphospholipid syndrome that I would be happy to give you the details for. Probably at this point it makes little difference as to the hows and whys of things, it has just happened and dealing with that alone is enough. Just know that we are around, and from being here a while I now know that just about everything that I have felt has been shared by someone else, so whenever I wondered whether it was normal to feel how I did, someone else could share. I think it is important to know though that this is your journey and it will be unique is some ways, not one that right now is very nice to be on, but I feel so hopeful for you that it is another event on your journey to motherhood and that you will be able to hold a healthy baby in your arms one day soon.
    Big hugs, Meg

  6. #24
    Nikki Guest


    So sorry to hear of your loss. Big :hugs: to you.

  7. #25
    BellyBelly Life Member

    Nov 2003

    Oh Becc, :hugs: You definitely do not seem self-centred! It isn't fair that you or anyone should lose a baby that is so wanted. It is incredibly unfair. You deserve happiness and you deserve to have that precious baby! Your thoughts and feelings are totally normal. I had similar thoughts too and after my 2nd m/c found myself totally bewildered and at a loss as to how we could lose two precious babies.

    Please do keep in touch and let us know how you are going. Take care.


  8. #26
    Registered User

    Oct 2004
    Beaconsfield, Victoria


    I am only new and started posting in the TTC after M/C or loss when most of the girls were angry and upset at your loss. It was at this time that I looked into this forum and found your saddened story. I feel for everything you are going through. It is not fair and does not seem right.

    After reading all these posts, it does show however, that you have a great ring of friends here at BB who all care and share your thoughts and feelings. Although this is a hard time for you right now, in some ways I am sure that it is comforting to know that you have friends, should you need them.

    My love and hugs go out to you xxxx

  9. #27
    BellyBelly Member

    May 2004


    Just want to send you lots of :hugs: :hugs:
    You are both still in my thoughts.

  10. #28
    layla Guest

    Me too Becc,
    I'm thinking about you every day and hoping that you can get through this with a little help from your friends. (Us!) 8-[
    Big hugs coming your way.

  11. #29
    kirsty Guest

    Becc just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts a lot lately & I hope you are okay (well as good as you can be at this time). You are in no way self centered & have every right to be at this stage anyway if you ask me. You need to take care of yourself. You know we are here whenever you need us. Sending huge :hugs: your way.

  12. #30
    BellyBelly Member

    Nov 2003

    so sorry to hear about your loss becc huge hugs to you

    take care

  13. #31
    BellyBelly Member

    Apr 2004

    Hi again girls,

    Another big thank you to you all. I haven't really been up to posting much lately, but I have been checking in from time to time and it has been so encouraging to see that many of you have been leaving messages for me even though I haven't been around much. I don't know where I'd be without you!

    Well, it's been a week now. The bleeding is finally starting to slow down and I am slowly beginning to feel a bit more human again. It's just such a constant reminder. I'm hanging out for it to stop as I feel like I can't really begin to move on until the bleeding has finished. I think that once it is gone, I will be able to feel more 'myself' and will be ready to move forward.

    Other than that, I think we are doing ok. DH took last week off work and we were able to just spend the time together. We had a cry together and talked it all through. It was nice having him here with me, looking after me. Sadly, I think that because we have been in this situation before, we are coping a little better than last time because it is familiar to us and we know in a lot of ways what to expect from the grieving process. We still have our moments of course, when we ask "why us?" and "why again?" and sometimes we find ourselves feeling bitter & angry about it all, but that is something that we really don't want to be and are working hard to avoid.

    One of the the hardest things atm is having to act 'normal' for the rest of the world. We hadn't even told people that we were pregnant yet, so of course they don't know about the m/c either. So when everyone asks how you are doing, you of course, trot out the old "Oh, I'm fine thanks" or "Not too bad thanks" when really you are anything but. This is where you girls are invaluable. I can't really talk about it to anyone else other than DH and my Mum & sister.

    Anyway, I will wind things up before I get carried away. With a bit of time, I will start posting more regularly again. I just feel like I'm in a bit of a no-man's-land atm and don't really belong anywhere. I will probably just hang out here for a bit longer and eventually head back over to TTC for a chat when I'm feeling a bit better about things. In the meantime, thank you again to everybody who has taken the time to check in on me in here over the past few days - with all of you around it's not quite as lonely in here as it could be 8-[.

    Love to you all,

  14. #32
    BellyBelly Life Member

    May 2004

    Becc - we are all here for you and always will be. Just know that you really are in everyone's thoughts. It's great that DH was able to take some time off to be with you. Take care and please if you ever need to rant, we all are here to listen and do what we can to help.

  15. #33
    BellyBelly Life Member

    Nov 2003

    Hey Becc,

    I'm glad to hear that the bleeding is easing up for you. Hopefully it'll be gone soon and you won't have that constant reminder there.

    It's great that you and your DH have been able to support each other and help each other get through this. Big :hugs: to you both.

    IKWYM about having to act normal for the rest of the world. I actually posted about the exact same thing in this forum after my 2nd m/c. It's very strange isn't it, having to pretend to carry on as normal and to have people around you carrying on as normal when you are going through one of the most difficult times of your life.

    Take care of yourself sweetie.


  16. #34
    kirsty Guest

    Becc was pleased to read that your DH was able to get some time off work to be with you after your recent loss. It is terrible to think that you in some way have become immune to the grieving process because you have had some experience with it, in a perfect world none of us would have any experience with it at all ~ at least not in the loss of a child anyway. Hope you are continuing to take care of yourself & glad that your bleeding has settled a bit.

    Really hard to pretend to people all the time that things are fine, so am glad that you can come here & let us know how you are really feeling.

    Well just know that you are in my thoughts & am sending huge :hugs: your way.

    When you are ready we will welcome you with open arms in TTC. And even if you are not ready to actually join that thread we always have the general chatter thread you can come & talk to us in. Will look forward to seeing you there when you are ready.

  17. #35
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    May 2004

    Dear Bec,

    Im really glad that you have managed to post a few times and that the bleeding is slowing down for you, i personally found this really confronting and it was easier to see clearly without that constant reminder.

    I just wanted to say what an inspiration you are to me, you have such a fantastic attitiude towards life and even when you are faced with such a terrible loss of this baby after losing Georgia such a short time ago you still care about others, you are in no way self centred when you talk about your feelings, i think it is totally natural to ask why us because you are right it is not fair. Im so glad that you feel that you can share everything with us, we all understand the emotions that you are feeling and of course everyone is slightly different in how they deal with things but you are such a fantastic person and you and Paul are so strong. Like i said you are an inpiration.

    That said though i really really really x a million wish that this hadnt happened to you and Paul, you both really deserved everything to go smoothly and im hurt and sorry for you that it didnt happen that way. I wish i could take the hurt away and make everything better.

    Keep taking care of yourself Bec and i am here anytime you need. Big Hugs.

    Lots of Love Sarah

  18. #36
    BellyBelly Member

    Jul 2004

    Becc I'm really glad the bleeding is easing up for you so you can begin to get past that first emotional hurdle.

    Just want you to know that I am thinking of both you and DH and am sending lots of :hugs: your way.