Page 10 of 13 FirstFirst ... 89101112 ... LastLast
Results 163 to 180 of 225

Thread: Baby Lost - Heart Broken (Factor V Leiden responsible)

  1. #163

    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    WA
    Posts
    210

    Default

    Hey Michelle,

    Its great that you still have your mum's picture in your bedroom. Im sure that she is looking down on you wishing that she could make things better for you at the moment.

    I have Katelyn's picture and her cot that she was in with the blanket and teddy etc on my bedside table. I guess one day i will feel like i can just have her picture but not yet.

    I know what you mean about should i shouldnt i try. The only thing i can say is that you will know in your heart what is the right decision. I started trying on about day 12 last cycle (not this one) so i guess that given the odds i should have been pregnant then (which is what is making me nervous about this month) but in hindsight i dont think that i was ready because on the day before we tested i had a massive freak out. I had an emergency appointment with my doc because i was so stressed over what was going to happen. I hadnt sorted out the treatment for FVl next preg.

    Wishing you a happy day today.

    Love Sarah


  2. #164

    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    WA
    Posts
    210

    Default

    Hey Becc,

    How are you doing today?

    3 months is hard. Time is moving on whether i want it to or not.

    The rainbows did make me feel a little bit at peace this morning too but the tears are still flowing all the time.

    My OB hasnt called yet.....he said it might not be until this week so that is ok. I will let you know what he says when he calls.

    I see that you are on messenger now - great, looking forward to chatting with you.

    talk to you later.

    Sarah

  3. #165

    Default

    .....
    Last edited by Bec77; December 21st, 2007 at 08:10 PM.

  4. #166

    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    WA
    Posts
    210

    Default

    Hi becc,

    Sorry that you are having a bad day and you dont sound like a pity party. You have helped me through some rough times and i want to do that for you too. I am glad that you are being honest and telling me how you really feel because otherwise i cant try to help you. Also you need to get things off your chest.

    You are extremely right to feel ripped off. This is exactly the way i described it to one of our midwives at the hospital. Other people dont deserve to have children more than you. You havent done anything wrong. I feel exactly the same about it being rubbed in my face. One of the girls at work talks about her baby who was born last august right in front of me and then trys to come and pretend that she cares. Also i never really realised how many prego people there are, now everywhere that i go they stick out like beacons in the night.

    Well since you are on messenger now i will talk to you there.

    Love Sarah

  5. #167
    Melinda Guest

    Default

    Hey guys,

    Sarah - I'm thinking of you today. It must be very hard to reach such a significant milestone, and sadly there seem to be so many of them. I know that when my Dad died, I used to get really upset every Thursday - because that was the day of the week that he died. It used to make me so anxious and I'd find myself wondering what was going to happen to other people in my family, i.e. who was next? Sounds horrible doesn't it. Any milestone is significant and it's ok to feel extra down on those days. In fact, there are sooo many moments when I miss loved ones (sadly I've lost a few) and it really hurts and sometimes I worry how on earth I will get through the day without them, but somehow I do. I also try to tell myself that by me remembering them and allowing myself to cry, that it is a mark of respect, i.e. it's proof of just how much I loved and adored them, and there's no shame in that. I also think the rainbows are a beautiful sign - if you feel in your heart it was a sign to you, then that's how you should look upon it.

    Becc - nope, it certainly doesn't sound like a pity party lamb chop! Everything you said in your post were feelings that I had too and it really made me so angry. Why on earth had this happened to ME? What had I done to deserve this? Anger is very much a part of grieving, so try to see it as a good sign, i.e. that you are moving through different phases of your grief. I think I said before that going through grief is really awful and there are so many different emotions to contend with, and this is just one of them. I've had a few meltdowns in my time thanks to seeing PG women and women with prams etc (and I mean I've had the odd meltdown in public places, although largely in the car or when I've come home from being out), so I do understand how it feels like it's being rubbed in your face. I used to try and tell myself that I didn't know these women or what they had been through in their lives and that they may have had as rough a journey as me, or quite possibly even worse, but even that didn't help me a lot of the time. I guess I was trying to rationalise the situation when I felt quite irrational IYKWIM?!?! LOL So as much as I know what I was trying to tell myself was right, i.e. how could I know what these women had been through to have their babies, I still felt ripped off and like they were walking past me deliberately, like they somehow knew what had happened to me (of course they couldn't, but YKWIM).

    OK...waffled for enough me thinks....take care me lovelies.

  6. #168

    Default

    .....
    Last edited by Bec77; December 21st, 2007 at 08:11 PM.

  7. #169

    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    WA
    Posts
    210

    Default

    Becc,

    Just wanted to say thanks for the chat today, sorry i couldnt stay around longer. We were really busy because of 30 june.

    I am back online now or maybe i will catch you tomorrow.

    Tootie feel free to get me on messenger if you want - [email protected]. You mentioned before that you would be up for a chat.

    well chat later.

    Sarah

  8. #170

    Default

    Sarah,

    No worries. I really enjoyed our chat - once I got the hang of things!! I promise I will get faster!

    I'm off to cook dinner for my poor starving DH now, but would love to chat again tomorrow...

    Hope you have a good night.

  9. #171

    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    WA
    Posts
    210

    Default

    Becc,

    You were not that slow in the end LOL.

    Hopefully chat to you tomorrow if you are around.

    Hoping you have a good night.

    Sarah

  10. #172
    meg Guest

    Default

    Becc- know exactly what you mean. I am having a few of those feeling ripped off and cheated days in the last couple of days, and I too have done everything right everytime, we even did a detox diet 4 months b/f we started trying, funny thinking about it really, what has happened to us would have happened no matter what and I sometimes wonder if anything makes any difference. I think the good thing that you can tell yourself is that you were not to blame- you did everything right and your baby was very loved. It is really hard when we see people around us who may not have even wanted a baby who are pregnant, when we all so desperately do. Just doesn't seem fair sometimes, but I guess that is life sometimes, that we are here to have experiences that we need to in this lifetime. I know that if I could turn back time, I would have to think about very hard about whether I would change things as I feel that I have been blessed by little souls coming to us (if only for a short while) and pregnancy, and that perhaps the next little soul who will come to us never would make if it we hadn't had our other losses. Hope tomorrow is a better day and hopefully you will not run into so many pregnant women, a huge challenge! No supermarkets. Re your three month comment- it was making me feel so much better as I was wondering why I am a mess at the moment, but it is only 2 1/2 months for us, can I use it as an excuse anyway? I know what you mean about feeling like a pity party, I feel like a bit of a miserable sod, and would really not be that much fun to hang out with at the moment, except that I might be good fodder for the "who has a long face" jokes. Here's to better brighter days, and good prospects of us being mums!

    Sarah- well done for making it over the hump in one piece. I think the rainbows are beautiful, and if you feel a connection with them, I am sure they are a sign. It sounds like you really need some answers about where Katelyn is, and that she is safe and OK about you ttc again. I don't know what your values or beliefs are, but have you ever thought of seeing a clairvoyant or such the like? I know that I saw a spiritual counsellor after the loss of our moonbeam and it gave me so much peace, and she channelled some stuff from the little babies that had come to us, and said there was the one who will come to us next was with her also. She also told me about my Pa and some other spirits I had with me to help me in times like this, I only need to ask for help (which I am doing right now again and I need it). Whilst at some points this process may not sit well with me, I think it is really what I needed at the time, and it felt right. It sounds like you want some confirmation from another source about signs or messages that you are getting. I am happy to chat more if you want some more information.

    Hi toots, tummy rubs for you and tiger.

  11. #173

    Default

    .....
    Last edited by Bec77; December 21st, 2007 at 08:11 PM.

  12. #174

    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    WA
    Posts
    210

    Default

    Hi,

    Meg - Thanks for coming to post to me. I think that i am too scared at this point to see a clairvoyant. I have always been worried that they might say something bad.....Im glad though that you found a little bit of peace after moonbeam passed. That little bit of peace is sometimes a really hard thing to come by so i think that we need to take it anyway that we can get it. I just sent you a little note in the TTC forum asking how you are going. You are on such a hard journey but it must be nice to know that there is a little soul waiting in the wings with your little moonbeam.

    Becc - I have to agree with both you and Meg about not changing anything. The only thing that we would all change is the outcome of our babies lives. I would gladly have all the pain that i have had over the choice of not having Katelyn at all. Her life was such a blessing in my life and i am so lucky to have had her with me for 18 weeks.

    Well chat to you both later.

    Love Sarah

  13. #175

    Default

    .....
    Last edited by Bec77; December 21st, 2007 at 08:11 PM.

  14. #176
    meg Guest

    Default

    Well done Becc. That is a huge step and one that is so good to get over. It is so hard doing things that you did when you were pregnant. I had so many of those times- "the last time I was doing this I was pregnant", it is just a reminder. It sounds like you have a really supportive workplace which is fantastic.

    Sarah and Becc, both of your comments re not turning back time were so beautiful, I had a little cry- not that it takes me much at the moment to have a little cry! I do feel blessed to have had little souls come into our lives. I hope we all soon get the opportunity to really get to know the little souls that come to us next, for many years to come!

    I had a referral for a 9 week old baby today. It was so heartbreaking. The final diagnosis hasn't occured, but it is looking like this baby has a progressive disease and won't last past 12 months. Knowing how heartbroken I feel about our losses, I just couldn't start to imagine what this mother would be feeling, I don't know how she was holding it together. There are some truly amazing people around. You girls are also so inspiring the way you are managing things. I think that is the great thing about BB. Just when you are feeling really crap, you see how someone is dealing with change or difficult times, and you feel inspired by others courage and strength.

    Hope Monday goes well for you Becc, go girl!

  15. #177

    Default

    .....
    Last edited by Bec77; December 21st, 2007 at 08:12 PM.

  16. #178

    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    WA
    Posts
    210

    Default

    Hi Girls,

    Bec - well done on going into the office. As we have discussed this the first time is actually the worst.....well done also on going to lunch today another big step! How you doing otherwise?

    Meg - I hope that you are going ok today. You really lifted my spirits with what you said about time. As becc said, what kind of work do you do - that must have been a terrible situation for you yesterday.

    As for me, One of my closest friends rang last night and said that she is 8 weeks pregnant. I didnt talk to her as i was out having tea (with my work mates - a big step for me and it went well). So i will ring her today. But god it hurts. It is also made worse by the fact that she was due one day after Katelyn and she lost that baby when we were 9 weeks and then i had to tell her that i was pregnant then i lost Katelyn and now she is pregnant again. I am really happy for her but sad for me. Is this bad????

    On the plus side i was telling my dad about my friend this morning and he said that he had a dream last night that i was pregnant again (I was with him when i found out on my mobile -ROFL) so hopefully his dream will come true. My AF is due tomorrow - [-o< stay away AF!

    Sorry cant chat longer - we are having a system upgrade today and i dont know when i will be back on.

    Hope you both are having a good day.

    Love Sarah

  17. #179

    Default

    Sarah

    Hi, have obviously read your post now. Sorry, I had not seen it before. Sorry to hear that you are having a down day (hugs), will talk to you later hopefully.

  18. #180
    meg Guest

    Default

    thanks guys. Think I will stay in here today as finding something positive to say is a little challenging today. I work as a Speech Pathologist, communication and swallowing. Just having a few very hard days. Did an xray screen on the baby today and had to tell the parents he wasn't safe to feed orally and would need a tube and they were so devastated. Here I was at 5.45 with the dad asking me what the baby was going to die from first, starvation or not being able to breath. I also had one of my other clients in his late 30s with another progressive disease who had a respiratory arrest in intensive care, but is still hanging on (for now). I unfortunately went to see him when it happened. So all up, it was a fairly heartbreaking day and I decided I really don't get paid enough to do this! I think dealing with my own stuff about losing babies at the moments has made it that much harder, but I held it together and just have to make it through tomorrow to then be on holidays, and I don't think a break has been ever more needed than now, as I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with things.

    Sarah- wishing you all the best and hoping that BFP will come. It is so hard when people around are pregnant. I hope that you friend is able to support you, having been in the same situation. I am sure that even though she might know all the right things to say, it is still hard. I know that I have found those situations difficult too- all my friends are falling pregnant and having smooth pregnancies and I have really needed to keep my distance because I just can't deal with it right now.

    Becc- your thoughts re people talking about their babies, it is so natural to feel the way you do and you should not be hard on yourself for feeling like that.

    I wish you both strength and courage as you meet new challenges each day. We need it on our journeys! Hopefully we will be the ones telling others about our pregnancies and talking about our babies in no time.

Page 10 of 13 FirstFirst ... 89101112 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •