Thanks ladies.

I have come to terms with it now.

I do feel differently towards this last cycle than the other failed ones I've had because I know there was a foetus there, clinging on to life for as long as it could. I felt it in my body and in my heart and that was different to the cycles where the embryos just didnt adhere to me at all. I felt devastated too in those cycles, wondering if it would ever happen but this time I feel hurt for what could have been, what was there for so short a time.

DH was very quick to say "I was wrong" when I told him what you all have said. Part of how his words hurt me was the way he just didnt think of how they might feel to me. I know it was just his way of rationalising things: he doesnt like to face anything unpleasant so will just put it aside.

So, that's that really. I know what happened was real and won't ever forget it.