Dear Girls,
My heart goes out to all of you.
I am convinced that no-one understands the link between an expected baby and mum. I lost my Tonya at full term, still born with anencephaly on 5 Nov 1973.
I came across this site today as I was searching for info as my daughter-in-law is going for 10 week tests for their 3rd child. Even when the tests are OK, I have been on tenterhooks until they are born for both my children and my grandchildren.
Every year I remember Tonya's birthday, she would have been 35 last Nov. I grieved for many, many years until I realised that that a lot of it was due to the fact in those days there was no recognition - no birth certificate, no death certificate, and yet because she was full term I had to have a burial!
Fortunately Qld has changed its laws and we now have a birth & death cerficate. I had overlooked the important fact that my husband had her name tattooed back in 1975 along with our 2nd child - another girl born in Dec 1974. He added our son's name in Nov 1976 when he was born.
Waiting for test results are harrowing, our son was well and truly kicking when we finally got the all clear for him. I was kinda scared to bond to him in case I had to lose him. That was extremely stressful.
Yes, many people are too scared to bring up the subject because they don't know how and they are scared of upsetting you. You need to talk about your baby to your families - there may be silence at first again because they don't know what to say, but persevere. I have and now it is accepted. My neice actually crossed stitched Tonya's name and a little angel bear on a family tree quilt for my mum (her grandmother).
Our little angels will always be special and remembered to us their mums.
Lotsa luvs to you all
I admire you all for hanging in there
Tonya's Mum