Thinking of you today Cat....it is just so hard...and so lonely. I've never coped well with Christmas...seeing all my siblings with their young families...I have 'missed' two Christmases because I just couldn't do it and I've never regretted putting us first. Do what you need to do to get through each day and if that upset or offends anyone...so what? Nothing is going to be as bad as losing your baby...big hugs xxx