I can't believe it's February and nearly 4 months since we lost our wee man.
Over the last 3 or 4 weeks I have been feeling like it's only just hit me and I'm a little concerned that looking back over November and December I can barely remember them. Sometimes I think of things that have happened and find I'm not able to tell if they happened before or after the MC. It's a bit like looking through a fog.
I find friends and family are asking how I'm feeling. I don't think they really asked me this in the first couple of months after the MC. I think they feel that a reasonable amount of time has gone past now and I am likely to be feeling 'better', i.e. less likely to get upset if they ask me. Not many people like it when I tell them I'm feeling worse....and I do tell them, which is very unlike me. I would normally never dream of saying anything other than I am feeling fine or doing OK. Certainly not to those who I'm not that close to.
Anyway, I don't think I'm making much sense here, I guess I'm just trying to ask if anyone else has found that they feel worse so far down the line.
How do I let people know that I'm not doing that great without overly worrying them or making them feel uncomfortable. I finally feel that the taboo of talking about babies and pregnancy around me is lifting. (It drove me crazy that no-one would talk about other pregnant women near me or would not refer to my pregnancy at all.) But I am actually find it all really hard to listen to now when I really truthfully didn't before. Does that make sense?
The thing about grief is there is no flight plan that tells you where you are going and how high or low you will be. You've just got to take it day by day.
I think the best thing you can do is be honest with your family and friends about how you feel. Don't worry about stressing them, this is about you and how you are coping and you need to put yourself first.
For me, after losing my son I was up and down for a long time. I'll be honest, it was closer to a year before I felt some sort of stability. There were days I wanted to talk and talk and days I felt like clobbering the first person who asked me how I was.
Just be gentle with yourself. What you are feeling is so very normal.
Kermit4-it makes a lot of sense i make out that i am doing ok and getting on with life around my friends and family when inside i am still heartbroken i do that so they don't worry about me but it will be a year next month since we lost abbi and i cope better in day to day life but i am no better with pregnant people or babies and feel i am actually getting worse because we are trying to fall pregnant and as i am getting older i worry it will never happen but i will say you will know who and when you can talk to about your true feelings i know who will cope with my pain and who i'm better off not saying anything to as it only hurts me if i have upset them all i can say is over time it will get better and in your own way you will cope the best way you can to get on with life and i hope that the future brings you a healthy baby.
Ladies thank you so much for your replies. It does make me feel a bit less worried that you both have felt in a similar way. My poor DH is so bewildered by me at the moment and every so often I could swear he looks at me like I'm going mad. Sometimes I see such worry in his eyes that I start to think I should be really worried too.
Deep down I know that there is no right or wrong way to walk along this road, every one will do it differently and I guess that's why it's so hard for friends and family to understand where my head is at. I am just so fed up of everyone around me pretending like it never happened. I think I feel angry that everything and everyone around me can be so NORMAL so easily when it takes so much work for me right now. It just worries me that I too found NORMAL so easy to do up until last month.
Ferrals- I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Abbi. I wish you strength and peace as you face her anniversary next month. I wanted to wish you all the best in your TTC journey. I suppose it's not much help to tell you to stay positive. I do hope however, that on the days where you don't feel so positive you remember that out of all the ladies here, someone will be thinking positive for you. You are certainly in my thoughts and prayers right now.
Spring- Thank you so much for your words of support and the much needed hug! Thinking of my grief as a flight plan brought a smile to my face as you really hit the nail on the head. It does feel a bit like soaring/falling sometimes. I'm so sorry you lost your precious son, thankyou for sharing some of your grief experience. I know that the price of such wisdom is so huge and painful, it means a lot that you took the time to reassure me.
Hun, don't feel bad about the way you are feeling and don't worry about other people worrying about you. The journey you are on at the moment is so up and down. I had days when I was feeling really strong and next day I would be an emotional wreck and I'm talking about a year after losing Emmanuel. Massive hugs to you and just take one day at a time.
feeling worse nearly four months on?
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