Friends

[Gabi]

Did anyone else have some rather unsupportive friends during their grief? If so, did you ever get to be good friends with them again?

There are some things some of my friends have said to me that I'm having trouble forgetting and it basically makes it hard to have a real friendship with them.

[Ellie]

Oh yes...I had some rippers! And I must be honest...it has affected how I relate to those people. I got to a place where protecting myself and the memory of my angel babies just had to take priority. It took a while but wish I'd done it years ago. And now I am pregnant ...'those' people are coming out of the woodwork with all the 'I told you so's' and I'm staying as far away from them as I can...they just don't get it. Sorry it I sound harsh...but I'm sooooo over people not thinking before they open their mouths!

[Gabi]

You don't sound harsh. I know exactly what you mean!

I have a son now - so I've been getting a lot of 'I'm glad your over it now and we can be friends again' urgh! Like it's my fault they stopped inviting me out before!

[Ellie]

I hear you! Like they expect the 'baby' to make everything else disappear...doesn't work like that...it actually makes you feel the loss on a whole different level. I'm just being really selfish and surrounding me and bub with positive, supportive friends...I think we deserve that

[Gabi]

.it actually makes you feel the loss on a whole different level.

I can so relate to that

We've moved, so I have a great excuse to make new friends and not see my old ones so much But I feel guilty for being a burden on them, and at the same time I feel lonely and abandoned by them

[Ellie]

We moved in January which was the best thing...we fell pregnant in May...so it was GOOD for us! You are not a burden! I find the best support here on BB...there are so many ladies that understand and you can vent and you are not judged...I wouldn't have survived without this site. Have you looked at the parenting after loss threads? Could be good?

[blessedatlast]

How is this for friendship! A friend of mine sent me a text (she lives interstate) that said 'hope the new year brings you health and happiness' Sweet, yes but i couldn't help but text her back 'I have just lost my children how can I be happy?' So she text 'I am sorry you are feeling bad about what happened, I hope you can set more positive goals for the future' So I then got angry and sent back 'BAD you are sorry I am feeling BAD?? My babies have been dead just over a month you have no idea how I am feeling! and as for goals.. MY GOAL IS TO GET OUT OF BED EVERY MORNING!!!' Anyway I have decided to e mail her some poems.. I don't think she meant to be nasty.. She just doesn't understand.. Having said that tho she is a mother..

[MummaSue]

God, I can totally relate to this!!

I was trying to tell a friend how I was feeling one day on the day that I would have been 12 weeks pregnant and was told to "stop thinking like that".

I mean, talk about stopping me in my tracks. I was gutted and stunned. But then in the next sentence said that she was "there for me".

I'm not one to dwell on the past but a miscarriage is huge.

I honestly don't think that people are trying to be idiots but they sure do come across that way!!!!

Thank goodness for you guys!!

[Ellie]

My shocker of all shockers was after I had a rputured ectopic...nearly died...and my friend who has 4 kids text me asking me what my due date was now they have shifted the baby into the uterus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And her sister is a midwife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MummaSue]

Ellie, you have got to be f%$^ing kidding me???????????????????

Ok, you win. That takes the biscuit.

[Tegam]

I am so sorry that you have all had to got through these things ontop of your M/C...its is such a hard time anyway and then to have lost friends when you need them the most. I must admit i found the opposite, after sharing my lose with my ABA group i got the most amaing support, and now i am the BEST of friends with one of those girls!

When will people learn that it is impossible to "get over" a m/c.... its your baby, no one would ever think of say to a mother thats child drowned in a pool to just get over it!

I would like to slap the girl that said that she hopes you can make more positive goals! What the.....